Not sure if this is a worldwide thing, but here in the good ol’ US of A there’s an oft repeated ritual known as ‘spring cleaning’. The idea is that we all live like total slobs throughout the winter, specifically following the Christmas holiday season, having accumulated a bunch of crap we’re too lazy or sentimental to find new homes. Honestly, the word “hoarder” also comes to mind. Probably no more so than my latest session at WrestleCrap HQ where I started to dig through old boxes of junk to see what was there.
Note I said STARTED. What we’re going to go over today is honestly the tip of the iceberg of the mountains of truly WrestleCrap memorabilia I’ve accumulated over the years. And while this generally would be a Someone Bought This type of thing, there’s enough here I feel it’s induction worthy…especially something I’m opening for literally the first time ever for your viewing/reading pleasure.
Some of these items long-time Crappers will know and possibly hold near and dear to their hearts. The legendary WWE Niagara Falls cup of course was the stuff of legend on our WrestleCrap Radio shows, as I’d slurp from it to get some refreshing beverage and always follow it with a satisfactory AHHHHH. I had retire it a while back due to a small crack in its base; these days its more of a dribble glass than a mug.
What you may not remember (and I barely did) was a souvenir from another WWE tourist trap, that being WWE New York. Ah yes, the legendary restaurant that lost more money than nearly any other venture the company ever attempted. Shocking I know that creating a pub in the middle of the most expensive real estate on planet earth could somehow wind up in disaster. What is odd is that I never went there (though I DID go to WCW’s Nitro Grill in Vegas). Come to think of it, I’ve never been to New York City at all, which is still weird to me. I’m sure someone sent this to me, and unknown person, I thank ye for this.
Now THIS I definitely remember having, because believe it or not, I played it NONSTOP when I finally got a car with a cassette deck in it. Pretty sure that was a Ford Escort, but it may have been a Dodge Omni that had such a horrible engine in it that I had to drive it DOWNHILL in order to essentially jump start it each morning. Regardless, I had this stupid tape and I loved it. Confession time – my most played song on it was likely Waking Up Alone by Hillbilly Jim and his lady friend identified only as Gertrude. What can I say, I was, am, and will forever be a total sap.
Also screw those folks who always say the Baby Doll-Dusty Rhodes photos were the biggest unanswered question in wrestling history – mine will forever be who the heck was GERTRUDE?
I also had the first Wrestling
Album Cassette. Amazingly, I still have the ridiculous album cover – yes, it actually came just like that, just like the LP did. And I’d never noticed until now, but there appear to be TWO blue stickers on the front. Hmmm. The top one notes “includes songs by”…and lists some of the “artists”, but what could be hiding under there? Dare I decrease the value of it by pulling that top sticker off to reveal to the world its secrets? Well, ok but I hope you are able to handle what I’ve found…
…which would be another blue sticker…but it’s BLANK. Ok, screw you Gertrude, your moment in the sun as wrestling’s biggest mystery lasted all of about 75 words.
Also, I now plan on using Ricky Steamboat SINGING as my avatar on all social media. Apparently he’s so horrible he makes Rifftrax’s Kevin Murphy plug his ears in horror!
And here’s an OFFICIAL WWF AUTHORIZED BIOGRAPHY of Razor Ramon. Guessing I have either inducted that already or will do so in the future. That or I’ll send it to Bryan Alvarez’s wonderful grandmother so she can review it on their podcast. Think I did that with the Undertaker one of the same design. Regardless, since it’s OFFICIAL I’m sure it’s 100% accurate and legitimate.
Apparently it was from the Prince George Public Library. Maybe I should just return it there before whoever stole it has hundreds of thousands of dollars in late fees.
Not everything I have is in the best of shape anymore. This WWF lunchbox for instance, has seen better days. That’s too bad, as the decal on the front may be my favorite Royal Rumble artwork ever. They did that style for many years, and it was always a fun way to see who the company considered as its top stars, with this particular one being killer: Savage, Hogan, Jake, Piper, Taker, Flair, Sid, the Road Warriors, Bossman, Hacksaw, Sarge, and my buddy Quake. I’m not sure they ever had a better roster than that 1992 era, just crammed with goodness.
Sadly, I don’t have the mug that came with it, but not to fret as I also found…
…this bottle of “Rowdy” Roddy Piper All Out of Bubble Gum Bubble Gum Soda. Pretty sure you can still find this at Rocket Fizz and other locations, but I know I’ve had this one for at least half a decade or more. Roddy was always one of my favorites (I was actually a guest on Piper’s Pit believe it or not!), so I like to find oddball stuff with him on it. And while the contents of that bottle may be a bit rancid these days, we could always mix it up with…
…the legendary Hulk Hogan THUNDER MIXER. Note I do not have three of them, just one, and yes, I know I’ve covered this thing on the site many, many times. I don’t care about repeating ad nauseum what an incredible apparatus this thing is. With it you can instantly mix:
- Diet Shakes
- Health Drinks
- Baby Formula (!!!!!!!!!!!!)
- Milk Shakes
- Yogurt Shakes
- Instant Pudding
- Instant Coffee
- Scrambled Eggs
- Salad Dressing
- PERFECT GRAVY (!!!!!!!!!!)
- Kids Drinks
- Whipped Topping
- and Much More!
This amazing device can do all this “without the use of big, bulky, noisy blenders or electricity” by “harnasing the powerful force of a cyclone.” You wouldn’t think that would be possible with only two AA batteries (not included) on the inability to have ice of any sort inside it, but who am I to doubt Salton Maxim Housewares, Inc. and Hulk Hogan?
Shockingly – SHOCKINGLY I say – these devices are in plentiful supply on eBay and cost next to nothing. Seriously, for under $20 you can get one delivered to your house. No idea why you’re still reading this and not making a run for it before this article causes prices to skyrocket.
I THOUGHT I still had this, and this thing actually might be worth something, who knows – Warrior Workout #1 on VHS. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen another one, and it looks as thought eBay has no record of any being sold in the recent past. If you’ve never witnessed it, all I can say is holy crap is this something else. I inducted it as part of the first ever Workout War on the site and all I can remember is Warrior driving around in a junky pickup listening to the worst heavy metal public domain music imaginable, doing basically no training, and then a bill collector calling him at the end of the tape. It’s somehow even worse than it sounds. No wonder I might I have the last known instance of it in existence.
And something I 100% for sure have the only one in existence – the Katie (or KATY as they have on here) Vick autographed cheerleader outfit. I knew I had that of course, but I wasn’t positive if I kept the receipt or not. Turns out I did! I remember Blade talking me into buying it and me having to explain it to Mrs. Deal. I was so worried she’d flip her lid, so I hemmed and hawed for like a week straight before confessing my crime to her. She looked at me…cocked her head like a confused puppy…and then asked what we were doing for dinner. She’s the best. Also, $9 shipping? No tax? What a deal!
I keep meaning to hang it up somewhere, but kinda waiting until RD Jr. is in his teens…errr twenties…make it thirties. How on earth can I explain this to my kid? One can only hope he inherited his mom’s “your father is kinda a numbskull, just shrug it off” genes.
SPEAKING OF numbskulls…
…I found this lovely item, personally autographed by ERIC BISCHOFF. This one requires a bit of explanation.
So for the Starrcast Death of WCW “debate”, I made these cardboard cut outs of Bischoff’s picture from the first version of the book. As I explained to him, it was kinda dirty pool what I did to him as I personally chose the single worst photo of him in existence for the cover of my book. Blade then handed out like 200 of them to the folks in the audience. As I said many times, I knew going in this was going to be a clown show, so I was going to put on giant shoes and a big red nose for the occasion in this manner.
We wound up with maybe a dozen extra, which we sold at the following Starrcast show in Vegas. One guy asked if we had any signed by Bischoff, and we told him no but if he got Eric to sign the one he bought we’d refund him. The guy went to Eric and he literally PAID THE GUY TO NOT SIGN IT. I had to leave our gimmick table for a bit, so imagine my surprise when I came back and found the above waiting for me. Say what you will about Bischoff, but THAT was very funny! As was the fact that afterwards he admitted he had never read the book and never would. Well played!!
But what I found more of than anything else in the closet was trading cards. Or as Lucy Van Pelt called them “bubble gum cards.” And unlike Beethoven, the folks I’m about to mention ALL had their pictures on them, some of whom I did not even know existed.
No idea when the first set hit, but by the looks of it I am saying 1986. The one with Flair notes “7 Assorted Picture Cards”, so I am guessing that was what you saw at the counter when you bought a pack, and the checklist was thrown in there as well for free. According to that specific card, there were 343 cards in this set which sounds like a TON. Also, if anyone has card number 79, let me know. I really need me a Shaska Whatley vs. Jimmy Valiant!
Just looking at these…all I can say is wow. You wouldn’t think a Kat Leroux card was ever a thing, but apparently she’s also bigger than Beethoven, as is Misty Blue and Linda Dallas. Could have lived without ever seeing a naked Magnum TA tying his shoes in the locker room, but where else would I have learned that Kendall Windham weighed 232 pounds? In short, this set was seemingly magical.
Imagine my excitement then when I found FOUR PACKS OF UNOPENED WCW 1991 FULL COLOR CARDS! These I am 99.9% were sent to me by the great Jordan Mishkin for Christmas one year and I just tucked them away for a rainy day. Despite the fact as I look out the window it’s 65 degrees and sunny, today’s our lucky day! Let’s open them up and behold the goodness inside!
And the very first thing I see is the playa himself, Teddy Long! It’s actually pretty incredible to consider this guy’s career, as the first time I ever saw him was a couple years prior to this as a ref, which he morphed into a role as a manager, then went into a cocoon and emerged as a beautiful butterfly who booked tag team matches with the UNDA-TAKA!!!
And look at that – what do you see different about Teddy’s card than anyone else’s? It’s GREEN. Therefore I am thinking this may make this his rookie card, making it worth a small fortune!
The rest of the pack? I got Ricky Morton, Sid Vicious, a couple of Dooms, a Tommy Rich, Flyin’ Brian, Lex Luger, Dutch Mantell, Fabulous Freebirds and EL GIGANTE. That’s not a horrible start I suppose, let’s see what I get when we open pack number two…
…and it’s the Southern Boys, two men that have identical heights and weights. What are the odds?
The rest of the pack is actually pretty good. A pair of Flairs, a couple Stings, a Sid and a Luger. Also one with Rick Steiner walking a dog! It can’t get much better than that! With unbridled optimism, let’s open pack number three…
…and it’s Tommy Rich. Again. Hmmm.
Not only that, but it’s the EXACT SAME TOMMY RICH as the first pack. Ugh. Making matters even worse, it’s the same El Gigante, same Ricky Morton, same Pillman, same Pillman, and BOTH Doom cards are identical to the first pack! SEVEN of the cards are repeats. It would probably be even worse but now as I am looking at it, I didn’t even get 12 cards – I only got eleven!!!!
I know I have another pack to open, but tell you what – give us your best horror story of wrestling trading card in the comments section below. My favorite over the next week wins this unopened pack, shipped to you free of charge. Lay it on us. That third El Gigante card could be all yours!