Mrs. Deal and I celebrated our 25th anniversary by visiting Hulk Hogan’s Wrestling Shop in Pigeon Forge. I mean, sure, we did a a lot of other much more interesting stuff like going to Obed National Park for some amazing star gazing and headed over to Dollywood (where there’s an actual church in the theme park where we renewed our vows!), but I know y’all aren’t interested in sappy stuff like that. You want to know all about the Hulkster’s ultimate gimmick stand, right?
Now some of you will no doubt question this, not only that my wife loves me so much to allow precious moments of our silver anniversary on frivolity such as this, but also that I’d already been to this before. Not so fast, brother! For you see Hogan not only has this location in Tennessee, but also one in Orlando, Florida. THAT’s the one you remember – and the one I previously inducted. The Orlando location is the one pictured above. This one we’re talking about today in Pigeon Forge is completely different.
And by “completely different”, I mean apparently Hulk has opened a BIBLE MUSEUM! I kid, but not really – the image you see is NOT retouched, and ain’t no intelligence (artificial or otherwise) at play. That’s honest to God (quite literally here) what you see on the building. Read the Psalms, Jack!
Upon closer examination, one will see that this would actually be two different shops: the Tennessee Bible Museum and Hulk Hogan’s Wrestling Shop. Walking along the strip mall, one is greeted by this delightful statue of Hulk, with a sign helpfully pointing to the door that is like three feet away. I should also note that I am pretty sure this statue was not licensed – it doesn’t really look exactly like Hogan, right? We’ll see one soon enough that does, believe me.
So we go in and let me tell you somethin’ brother, ain’t no mistaking what we are selling here. The second you walk in the door we get shirts welcoming us to Pigeon Forge, Brother!
But that pales in comparison to this one, wherein Hulk arm wrestles a black bear while Jimmy Hart cheers him on! And mad props for adding (totally not) Dolly Parton (because we ain’t paying her) to the crime scene as the shop is located just a couple miles from Dollywood. This hits on so many levels I pondered for a very long time actually ponying up the cash to take it home with me. I mean, I couldn’t see me actually wearing it out in public for, you know, reasons and all that, but it’s easily my favorite thing in the store.
And that’s saying something, as there are approximately 7,238 different Hogan shirts for your purchasing needs. Some are kinda normal and as the kids would say mid, but that American Made one is kinda dope.
SPEAKING OF DOPE, I can only assume that’s what the guy was on that made the Jimmy Hart shirt. Like I’m really glad they offered up a tee for the Mouth of the South, but I have to think he deserved something a tiny bit better than that monstrosity. Oh, and that term would also describe our next shirt…
…featuring the Hulkster as an honest to goodness ZOMBIE! I mean, he passed away less than a year ago…couldn’t you wait a bit for this thing? Still for a lot of folks that wouldn’t be the most offensive thing you could buy…
…depending on which way you lean, of course. To be fair, there was also an entire shop dedicated to nothing but Trump in the very same strip mall, so I guess they know their audience here.
Of course, it’s not just shirts that are for sale. Maybe you’d like a completely tiny backpack that screams Hulkamania at all your friends…
…or if you want ducks that look like the Blues Brothers or Bon Jovi, we’ve got you covered! Get it, it’s Bill-y Honka, instead of Willy Wonka!
Been too long since we’ve seen YOU, my friend! (Nice to see you making an appearance so close to the 4th of July!)
Naturally, there are big ticket items as well you can get, such as what has to be the world’s ugliest championship belt. Man, the glorious winged eagle never deserved to be treated in such a hideous manner. And there are tons of Hulk Hogan autographed items as well. “I hear they somehow have more Hogan autographs there this year than last year!” a very famous wrestling reporter told me on the account of anonymity.
There’s some oddball stuff as well, such as a Danny Little Bear original hat. Have to say I was NOT expecting that on display. No no, that would have been…
…the plastic fist helmet! Sadly, that exists only in picture from in Pigeon Forge.
The actual one (or at least a replica of it) resides down in Orlando. And honestly, that may be the only thing that place has over the Pigeon Forge outlet, as the Orlando place is kinda a dump in some repurposed drug store and this one is at least really clean and seems way better maintained.
Like Orlando, there is a wrestling ring you can get in for the low low price of just $25 (per person). Kinda cool looking too, as half of it is Hulkamania themed and the other half nWo. At first glance I thought it was weird, but the more I looked at it I came to appreciate it as that really was the two highlights of Hogan’s career.
We also get to experience an nWo motorcycle with Hogan’s face airbrushed right on there. Not sure if Hogan ever rode this one, but if he did that would have had to have been kinda weird – who wants to look down and see their own face staring back at them? I mean, I know Hogan was a bit of a egomaniac but I have to believe even he would have his limits.
Of course I say that as I walk around and see multiple statues he has of himself. And these ones are no joke – they did an incredible job of capturing his likeness here. Why it’s almost like he’s pointing at that Sting poster and saying, “this is the type of tan I expected from you at Starrcade ’97, Jack!”
We also get Thunderlips from his role in Rocky III. As much as I love this, I had already seen it in Orlando. But you know what I did not see in Orlando (or anywhere else in the world, mind you)?
This absolutely horrifying statue of Andre the Giant! SWEET CHRISTMAS that is something else. Not sure what’s more insane – Andre’s giant granny panties hanging on the wall or the fact the statue had actual fuzzy arm pit hair. Nightmare fuel either way!
Of course they all had signs that clearly warned folks, “Don’t touch the statue, brother!!” I ended my visit by doing just that, buying nothing, and running for the door, seeking refuge in another place in the same parking lot:
Micro Wrestling HQ! It was either that or Cooter’s Dukes of Hazzard museum. Wait, Cooter’s is closing at the end of this year? I made the wrong decision, brother!!