For many years, the day after WrestleMania has become almost as highly anticipated as the big event itself. After all, that’s when the table gets reset so to speak, with new programs, angles, and characters all over the place. With that in mind, I thought it might be interesting to go back to check out what happened the day after the very FIRST WrestleMania – you know, the one with Hulk Hogan and Mr. T battling Roddy Piper and “Mr. Wonderful” Paul Orndorff in the main event.
Of course, there was no Raw back then. Heck, even the legendary Superstars of Wrestling hadn’t debuted yet! Prime Time Wrestling WAS around, but it would take a year or so before Bobby and Gorilla were anchoring it, so we will pass on that too. No worries – I have something far more insane:
The Morning Show starring none other than Regis Philbin! You may remember our old pal Reege from such classic inductions as Kathie Lee Gifford almost quitting show business when Rick Rude gyrated a little too much and the time Hulk Hogan extolled the virtues of Pikachu. This is so old that it would even predate Live with Regis & Katie Lee/Kelly, and I believe it was exclusively for the New York market. And according to Regis himself, there was perhaps nothing bigger ever in the Big Apple than…
WRESTLEMANIA!!!
Truly, Regis goes on and on for about 10 minutes explaining just what an incredible event this was. He explains that everything was “beautifully choreographed by Vince McMahon” and that the building was, and I am just quoting here, “THROBBING WITH HUMANITY.” Not sure what that could possibly mean, but it sounds equally impressive and lewd. Also, he has some behind the scenes news, as he was there and witnessed the tag titles change hands in a nefarious manner and he is going to expose Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff for the cheaters they are right there on the show!
Before we get to that however, Regis talks about the biggest pop of the night – namely when the Hulkster came out for his match. He illustrates this by not only busting out an LJN doll of Hogan and bouncing it around like a ping pong ball, but also singing Eye of the Tiger in the most tone deaf manner possible. I am not ashamed to admit I have a Regis Christmas album, and while he’s no Bing Crosby, I know he can sing WAY better than that!
Next Regis recaps the battle of the behemoths, with Big John Studd taking on Andre the Giant again utilizing those 5 pound rubber bricks we called action figures. As you will recall, this was during the time when Studd would offer up $15,000 for anyone who could body slam him, and during this match, Andre was…you know what, let’s have Regis tell you what happened.
All this playing with toys has Reege completely feeling it, to the point that he quite literally rips the head off the Hulk Hogan figure! And not only that, if Hogan wants to show up in the studio, Regis promises he’ll rip HIS head off too! And just in case you thought Regis was just joking, we go to commercial with the following freeze frame:
Oh how I love that Regis and Kamala share disembodied Hulk Hogan heads as their calling cards!
As promised, Regis takes us backstage at the Garden as we get some admittedly pretty cool footage of Muhammad Ali, Liberace, Cindy Lauper, and more. Sadly, he doesn’t get a word with “The Greatest”, but we go get some prematch comments from some of the WWF’s biggest stars.
First up, we get a promo from Captain Lou Albano. He goes on and on about how he shaved his beard and cut his hair for a starring role in a movie and he still wears his rubber bands and he’s fifty-two years old and…I dunno, I kinda dozed off as I’ve never been an Albano fan. If you’re brave enough to try to live through it, here’s his whole spiel.
Next up we hear from the great Jesse Ventura. Regis notes that it looks like The Body is trying to show Liberace up, but Jess refutes that for the nonsense it is. Ventura tells us that he created this outfit with members of his band, and Regis notes that he looks like he “fell out of a wedding cake in San Francisco.” As Steve Rogers once said, “I understand that reference.” Also, that joke would never fly today!
From there we get Jimmy Hart singing to the high heavens about the greatness of King Kong Bundy…
…and John Studd marble mouthing about his duffle bag full of money. We had Heenan right there and he said nothing! C’mon Brain, we deserve better!
The highlight of all these would be of course when Philbin came face to face with none other than “Rowdy” Roddy Piper. This period of Hot Rod was always my favorite – he was completely unhinged, at the top of his game mentally, and would just say whatever the hell he wanted with no fear or repercussions.
So it should come as no shock that he had Regis more than a bit on edge, and that appeared to be well justified as Piper pretended to come after him more than once. Reege asks Piper a slew of questions, namely how it feels to be the biggest villain in America (Piper: “my mom don’t think so!”), asks him why he didn’t do Saturday Night Live (Piper: “I turned them down so they took their second choice”), and if he has any surprises for Mr. T (Piper: “we decided not to shave Ace’s head…you’re going to have to cut that out, aren’t you?”). Piper notes Hulk is going to lose more hair by the time he’s done with him, and Regis (correctly!) notes Hogan doesn’t like it when you make fun of his hair!
Finally, Regis admits that he actually LOVES Piper and while everyone else will be cheering for Hogan and T, he wants Roddy and Wonderful to win. Piper is so taken aback he actually rears back…and gives Regis a big old kiss! I love these men!!
We then go back to the studio as Regis is beaming with utter joy as his co-host Ann looks like she’s about to double over in pain. That would prove to be a constant with the ladies paired with Philbin, especially Kathie Lee who noted in her book “We aren’t exactly McNeil-Lehrer out there, but I think the wrestlers’ shtick lowers the quality of the show a notch or two.” What a snob!
So we get “Classy” Freddie Blassie coming out and of course he is in a great mood as the night before his men won the tag titles from Barry Windham and Mike Rotundo. Regis is quick to point out that they won the belt in “fraudulent manner” and he has proof that will expose Sheik and Volkoff for the cheaters they are. Blassie blinks a couple of times and then responds: “You’re lying as usual” as the crowd howls with laughter.
Prior to the new champs coming out, Regis wants to know if Sheik is going to go crazy and start speaking in his high pitched voice because he LOVES that. I have no idea what Regis is talking about here, but he’s so happy about it I can’t help but be as well.
The boys take center stage, and it doesn’t take long for them to go into their usual schtick, with Sheik telling camera man to ZOOM IT on his abs (as Regis backs up and prepares to lay in some body shots!)…
…and Nikolai singing the Soviet national anthem.
Regis wants Nikolai to show the world just how strong he is, so he demonstrates by crushing several apples with his bare hands (and slopping the remains all over poor Freddie), much to the delight of their host.
But there is one thing Regis needs to point out, and that would be Volkoff’s WAY too tiny shorts. He’s got a point there. Philbin: “You guys won the titles, can’t you afford to get him some longer pants? NEW PAIR OF SHORTS, NIKOLAI!”
We then get Sheik showing some of his workout routine, and while that’s admittedly impressive, Nikolai holding his partner’s legs in the air while staring at his undulating buttocks is off-putting to say the least. Ewwwwww!
Sheiky baby flexes his abs some more (as does Regis!!!!), before offering to let Ann give them a touch. He responds to this .0000000000001 second graze of her hand by lifting her high in the air to her abject horror.
Finally, it’s time for Regis to bring forth his evidence of the underhanded way in which Blassie’s men won the titles, specifically hitting Windham in the head with Freddie’s cane. Blassie explains he didn’t even have a cane at the show, which gives Regis the opening he needs, showing backstage footage of the Fashion Plate with it in hand! Blassie will hear none of this of course, exclaiming “That’s trick photography!”
The segment ends with Blassie and his champs chasing Regis around the set, ready to rip his head off, no doubt inspired by Philbin’s actions with the Hogan doll earlier. At least he didn’t run up the stairs like Kathie Lee did with Rick Rude in hot pursuit! And that, kids, was our first ever WrestleMania recap.
But be sure to tune back in on Thursday as we get an Easter Hat Fashion Show!