|Ah, fatherhood. Words cannot describe the anticipation I feel on a daily basis as I await the arrival of my son into this world. |
I can’t wait to see him.
To hold him.
To teach him carny wrestling language.
In fact, there’s just one thing I am not looking forward to: changing his diapers.
You might think this has to do with the fact that poop smells like…well, poop, but that’s not the reason. No, the reason is that when I reach down and swap out Junior’s Pampers, I will be reminded of this horrific match that polluted an early In Your House from 1996.
|The bout was to settle a long-running score between the 1-2-3 Kid (Sean Waltman, aka X-Pac) and Razor Ramon (Scott Hall in arguably his greatest role). The two had been tied together more or less since Kid’s arrival in the WWF, in a bout in which he shocked the world by pinning the Bad Guy’s shoulders to the mat for a 1-2-3, thus earning him his name. And thank God he won that way, as the Disqualification Kid just didn’t have the same ring. |
Anyway, the pair were buddies for a while, then foes as Kid joined up with Ted DiBiase’s Million Dollar Corporation. He began to taunt Ramon by calling him a crybaby, going so far as to wheel a stroller down to ringside.
All of this led to the inevitable: a bout in which the loser would be powdered and put in a diaper.
|The match itself was alright. Nothing spectactular, as it seemed that both men were just going through the motions. I reckon by this point Hall had already decided he was getting out of the company, and Waltman, no doubt thrilled at the thought of being dressed up like a baby, had little incentive to turn it up a notch or two. |
The bout ended as any Crybaby encounter should – with the vile heel getting a face full of baby powder.
|What followed, though, was most disturbing, as Razor spread Kid’s legs, seemingly preparing him for anal penetration. |
Sure, call me a sicko, but you listen to Vince McMahon and tell me you’re thinking any differently…
|…especially after Ramon sprayed white stuff in his face. |
Oh wait, that’s just more baby powder, my bad. The tape I have of the event isn’t the best, so you will have to forgive me.
|Kid finally woke up as Teddy explained what happened…|
|…which caused the Kid to, yep, you guessed it, start crying like a little baby.|
|He threw a short tantrum, then screamed a heartfelt message to viewers at home. |
Ah yes, words to live by.
|It wasn’t long after this that Hall did, in fact, give notice to the WWF and headed for the greener pastures of WCW, with Waltman following not long afterwards. The two would become involved in the hottest angle in wrestling, the New World Order, then act like real life crybabies behind the scenes when things didn’t go their way. |
And now, as a special bonus, I give you a review of our very first baby gift (from Blade Braxton, no less)…
As you might surmise from the title, this would be a toilet training video, although one that neither I nor any of you should ever allow your children to view. You think I’m kidding, but trust me, I’d just as soon have my kid crapping on the floor at age 12 than ever allow him to watch this.
So Bobby fades off to sleep, with visions of clowns and faeces haunting his dreams.
Potty time indeed.