Wrestling fans know Eric “Butterbean” Esch for his knockout of Bart Gunn at WrestleMania XV.
But long before he was destroying wrestling careers in 35 seconds or less, Esch was humbling wannabe bad asses in the Toughman Contests and boxing rings. Dubbed “King of the 4-Rounders”, Butterbean gained notoriety for his knockout victories.
Always a hefty boy, Esch gradually ballooned to 500+ pounds until he could fight no more.
But with the help of Diamond Dallas Page, Butterbean was able to rehab his way out of his wheelchair and back to his feet, dropping over 200 pounds along the way.
His ultimate goal? One last fight.
With that in mind, I will refrain from taking cheap shots at Butterbean’s appearance. You’ll just have to make your own jokes about him looking like a fat Baron Von Raschke…
…or how a 4-Rounder must have been a discontinued McDonald’s item.
While there’d be no legitimate fight on the menu (sorry), the 58-year-old Butterbean would work a shoot-style match with Minoru Suzuki on WrestleMania 41 weekend. If anyone could pull a decent match out of Butterbean, it was “Murder Grampa”, a veteran of both shoot fighting and pro wrestling…
…who’d not only co-founded Pancrase, but earned two 5-star match ratings from Dave Meltzer himself.
Instead, Dave called it the worst match he’d ever seen, giving it a rating of absolute zero. The next year, Bryan Alvarez flipped out at the Wrestling Observer voters who picked Cody-Cena as the worst match of 2025.
So obviously, I had to watch it for myself to see what the fuss was about.
According to this gaudily attired ring announcer, the match would consist of four 2-minute rounds. That was eight minutes, max. So how bad could it be, really?
Then again, he also said it would be fought “to an absolute finish”, suggesting no round limit at all, so who knew?
Butterbean, who’d had a hip replacement a few years earlier, struggled down the non-ADA-compliant entranceway.
At the outset of the match, the 56-year-old Minoru Suzuki was loose as a goose and itching for a fight, but Butterbean wasn’t having it.
Instead, he stood (or lounged) in his corner and beckoned Suzuki to come to him (as there was no way Bean was making it to the other side of the ring).
This was… concerning.
Even more concerning was the official on-screen clock, which counted down from three minutes instead of two. “These are four 3-minute rounds,” said the inaptly named commentator Nick Knowledge, casually adding an extra 50% to the match length.
Luckily, somebody corrected the error before anyone got hurt…
…or, barring one Suzuki kick to the leg, made any physical contact whatsoever. Clearly, the match’s slow start was by design, playing to Butterbean’s strengths (standing around) and masking his weaknesses (doing anything).
Staggered by another kick, Butterbean the wily veteran lured the cocky Suzuki to his corner for a potential knockout blow that juuuuust missed.
Suzuki now dared Butterbean to hit him…
…so Bean responded with gut punches so weak they’d make Shane McMahon blush.
To this, announcer Veda Scott noted that this match had “aura” and “rizz”, to quote the kids today. This marked the first and only time anyone thought of kids during this match.
When Butterbean backed Suzuki into the corner, special referee Dan Severn intervened to break up the action. You know, before it got out of hand.
But the fighters refused to relent, still pawing each other well into the designated rest period. “Fight forever!” chanted a smattering of fans, tempting fate.
After a rest period and false start by the timekeeper, it was time for round two. This time, Minoru Suzuki grabbed a single-leg…
…and took Butterbean to the mat. Mr. Bean responded with some weak punches to Suzuki’s head, prompting chants of “Holy sh*t!” from the impossibly generous crowd.
Suzuki then put on a leg lock, Butterbean grabbed a toe hold…
…and Dan Severn gave both men massages.
The very next day, Suzuki would wrestle Yoshihiko; his submission sequence with the blow-up doll was infinitely more dramatic than his one with Butterbean…
…whom the commentator compared to a turtle on his back. I would not say this match was going great.
Mercifully, time expired before poachers could crack open Butterbean’s carapace.
In round three, the Buttery One came out punching, finally landing something Suzuki could reasonably sell as a good shot.
Perhaps sensing the match could only go downhill from there, Suzuki went to the finish. Pulling Butterbean under the ropes (with much effort)…
…he started brawling in slow motion with the boxer.
To the crowd’s dismay, Dan Severn called for the bell, but the two fighters weren’t done.
Suzuki returned to the ring and dared Butterbean to get back in. Butterbean, on the other hand, would rather continue the fight outside so he didn’t have to move. And all the while, fans (for God knows why) chanted, “One more round!” and “Let them fight!”
But the ring announcer delivered the bad news: Dan Severn had ruled the match a double countout. And the referee’s decision was final… or was it?
After restraining Butterbean from further violence outside the ring, Severn followed Suzuki back into the ring…
…then conferred with the ring announcer.
The man in the sparkly red jacket got on the house mic for a special announcement:
This match was still a double countout.
That might not have been an absolute finish, but it was certainly an absolute something.