There are times when working on this site just isn’t fun. Times when, as I look at the calendar, I realize that our new monthly deadline for new inductions is fast approaching, and I scramble to come up with ideas to present to you, my fellow Crappers. Times when, following a long day at my “real job”, I’d rather just collapse into my warm, comfy bed than scour through old stupid wrestling tapes, hoping to come up with something comical enough to post.
And then, there are times like this week, when I unearthed a big ol’ pile of WrestleCrap I couldn’t wait to write about. After all, how often do wrestling and crap really collide in a literal fashion?
Well, kids, they do this week!
It wasn’t all that long ago, but odds are, you might have already forgotten about it. The human mind tends to do that to images that it finds especially bothersome, you know, and trust me, this was MOST especially bothersome.
The setup was simple enough in a pro wrestling, racist kind of way. The villainous Big Show bumped into Eddy Guerrero backstage, and informed Latino Heat that while everyone else loved him, he didn’t like him one bit.
Let me restate that – he didn’t just not like Eddy, oh no.
He didn’t like his KIND.
So it should come as no shock that when a mild mannered BURRITO DELIVERY BOY (named Jose (last name Ole, I bet)) came to the door looking for Eddy, Big Show would give the poor guy a rough time, going so far as to knock the sombrero right off his head.
Hey, I don’t write this stuff – I just report it.
Anyway, it would appear that Jose was just trying to deliver some food to Eddy.
And that gave Big Show an idea.
An awful idea.
The Show got a wonderful, awful idea!
What he would do is spit in a burrito, and have poor Jose deliver it to Eddy. That’s right, he hocked a big old loogie right in there.
Because then, you see, EDDY WOULD EAT IT!
HE WOULD EAT BIG SHOW’S BOOGERSPIT!
And then, just to be a true meanie, Big Show would eat the rest of the burritos!
By God, with this build up, we might have the next Hogan-Andre on our hands! Book the Silverdome now!
Show was in a delightful mood following his dastardly doings. But then…
Then he not feel so good!
Show doubled over in the ring, and ran for the shitter!
Cue the laugh track!
Cut to the CRAPPER CAM, as we see Big Show’s feet dangling beneath a stall.
You know, there are things in my life I never needed to see; Big Show’s underwear around his ankles would be amongst them.
There are also things I never needed to hear; this clip would be amongst them.
Wow – how smart is Eddy Guerrero? Not only did he NOT eat the hocker burrito, not only did he give Big Show the poops, he also stole all the toilet paper!
Think all that is funny? Well then buckle yourselves in, because this cavalcade of crap is just starting!
Next up was a wacky skit in which Eddy came down to the ring driving…get this…a SEPTIC TRUCK!
Eddy, crap hose in hand, approached his nemesis.
The poor, poor Big Show was trapped in the ring. Yes, he had NOWHERE TO GO. He couldn’t just, say, crawl out of the ring and leave through the crowd, oh no.
You see, Show had a much better idea than that. His brilliant plan was to walk TOWARDS THE TRUCK and the hose that Eddy was waving at him!
Screw you, Lanny Poffo – the Big Show’s the REAL Genius around here!
Sure enough, Eddy hosed down the Show with EXCREMENT!
Oh, the HILARITY!
Yeah, kids, sometimes I get worn out, tired, and don’t want to work on this site.
But seeing Big Show sprayed with faeces makes it all worthwhile.
Big Show farts and poops and plops for your amusement, as Eddy talks about how he STOLE THE TOILET PAPER!