The late 90’s WWF will be remembered for many great moments. The Austin-McMahon feud. The rise of the Rock. The infamous Montreal screw job.
But those all pale in comparison to the introduction of Beaver Cleavage.
I mean, while those other things may have been great and all, what can really compare to the sheer comedic brilliance shown by the Vince McMahon players at their finest?
The recipe for hilarity was simple. Take one tag team wrestler who has never been over in his entire career; in this case, Headbanger Mosh. Put him in a zany setting, like a 1950’s sitcom (complete with cornball musak ). Give him a mom as hot as a 5 alarm fire. Mix in lots of sexual innuendo. Season to taste. Makes three servings, in vignette form.
Here’s a snippet of the wackiness from the original Beaver Cleavage vignette.
HA HA HA HA!!! Wasn’t that hysterical?! Well, then, have some more!
Here’s yet another comedic masterpiece , in which Ms. Cleavage wipes off Beaver’s crotch and appears to be jacking him off.
So subtle…so clever…
Yes, dear reader, this was Beaver Cleavage, a not so subtle take off on Theodore “Beaver” Cleaver, star of the classic Leave It To Beaver TV show.
Unlike the original, which lasted six years (and over 30 thanks to syndication), Beaver Cleavage wrestled a handful of matches before the gimmick was mercifully killed.
The gimmick ended in a “shoot style” interview, in which Beaver “broke character” and claimed that he just “couldn’t do this anymore.”
This led, of course, to Chaz becoming “just a kid from New Jersey, trying to have some fun”. According to the storylines, that fun involved beating up his girlfriend.
And yeah, that sucked too.
Cornball Musak Version of “Leave It To Beaver” Theme
Beaver Cleavage (sounding like a nerdy dork): “Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.” *spits out cereal* “This Cheerios sucks! ” *canned laughter* “I can’t eat this, it’s dry! Mooooooommmmmmmm!”
Mrs. Cleavage (sounding like a seductress): “Is this what mother’s little boy is looking for? Does mother’s little Harry Beaver want some of mother’s milk?”
*laughter and applause*
Mrs. Cleavage (sounding like a seductress wrapped in a tight girdle): “Harry Beaver Cleavage, how did this happen?”
Beaver Cleavage (sounding like an even nerdier dork): “Well, I was on the swingset and I wanted to see how high I could go, reach up and touch the sky, and it didn’t work out the way I planned.”
Mrs. C: “Well you just relax and let mother take care of this split knee for you. We can’t have a split Beaver running around, now can we?”
BC: “Thanks, Mom. When it comes to working on her knees, my mom is the expert.”
Mrs. Cleavage (sounding like a seductress wrapped in a tight girdle wearing a bra two sizes too small): “Oh no, Harry Beaver’s all wet. Let me get that for you. That’s better – now we have a dry, clean Harry Beaver.”
Beaver Cleavage (sounding like an even dorkier nerd): “Thanks, mom. No one likes a sloppy beaver!”