Boring, OR – Longtime WWE fan Ashton Wright is very excited for Randy Orton taking on John Cena next week at Backlash despite hating every other time the two have clashed.
“I remember the bad old days of WWE when Cena and Orton used to fight like every week,” sighed Wright. “Raws, Smackdowns, Summerslam, Royal Rumble. Multiple Hell In A Cell matches. There was a time when I was going to stop watching.”
“It got to be so predictable,” continued the super fan. “Slithering like a viper, RKO, Punt. Five Knuckle Shuffle, STF, Attitude Adjustment. 1-2-3. Slow, methodical, boring. Wash, rinse, repeat.”
Despite the lackluster ending to Wrestlemania, Wright’s interest in wrestling was once again piqued with Orton’s attack on Cena on Monday Night Raw.
“But now….oooooh, boy, now it’s something special!” gushed Wright. “The dynamic has shifted! These two are veterans! In the twilight of their careers, reigniting a storied rivalry! I’m still considering getting tickets.”
The lack of new competitors has not deterred the fan one bit.
“Golly, I can’t want to see how they turn an AA into an RKO,” he giggled, kicking his feet in excitement. “It’s going to be so great when Orton slithers like a viper, hits an RKO, and threatens to do the Punt. And when Cena hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle and AA to win? Incredible. WWE has done it again!”