Naperville, IL – Wrestling fans have taken to donating blood and plasma with cash in order to buy all the various streaming services needed to watch wrestling.
Following the announcement of WWE teaming up with ESPN for another streaming app, diehard fans have been searching for ways to afford their favorite form of entertainment. With inflation, tariffs, stagnating wages, the financial strain of watching professional wrestling has led to creative ways to earn more cash.
Bloody Good Times, a local for-profit blood bank, has seen a large spike in paid donations over the past few weeks.
“These greedy companies have really been a blessing in disguise,” said company president Irv Brauner. “Summer is usually a difficult time for blood donations. People tend to go on vacation or do other things while the need for blood increases due to more frequent injuries and accidents. Thankfully, that has not been the case this year.”
In order to watch most professional wrestling matches, fans will need to pay for cable and streaming services such as Netflix, HBO Max, Peacock, ESPN, Triller, TNA+, Honor Club, NJPW World, wrestleUNIVERSE, Stardom World, and more. Selling blood has provided fans with an easy way to make extra money.
“I’ve got all this extra blood that I’m not using, so I might as well sell it so I can watch Wrestlepalooza,” said 22-year-old Maverick Humboldt.
“S-s-so c-c-c-cold!” shivered a pale Alicia Stuyvesant after donating 3 pints of blood in order to purchase Hulu + Live TV.
“Precious blood,” said volunteer K. Thorn after draining another patient.
With rumors of more streaming options in the near future, hospitals are already gearing up for fans looking to sell their kidneys and other vital organs.