Tony Khan Re-signs Bowl Of Last Year’s Halloween Candy

Tony Khan resigns old bowl of Halloween candy AEW

Jacksonville, FL – AEW announced a blockbuster re-signing this past week that was advertised as a “an earth-shattering change.” While speculation ran wild all week that CM Punk may be rejoining the roster, AEW head Tony Khan announced that the company will be keeping the candy they’ve had at catering since last Halloween.

The surprising extension was explained by Khan during a “special announcement” on Collision this past Saturday.

“Thanks, guys,” said AEW leader Tony Khan staring into the camera. “I’m excited to announce that this bowl of candy from Halloween 2022 will be staying with AEW for at least 3 more years. Working mainly behind the scenes, this bowl of candy has been to every Dynamite, Rampage, Collision, and pay-per-view.”

“Sure, no one has touched any of the candy since last December, but this has been with us through thick and thin. Loyalty means something in AEW,” continued Khan. “Frankly, most of this candy is still good. Does a mini Snickers ever really go bad? There’s no expiration date on it. Sure, these Dots may be a little hard to chew, but that just means they’re seasoned veterans of the candy world. Almond Joy is a versatile triple threat, with its chocolate, almond, and coconutty goodness. It would be silly not to keep this candy around for at least a few more years.”

To prove his point about the stale candy, Khan unwrapped a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup.

“Ugh,” said Khan quietly to himself as the melted chocolate adhered to the wrapper. He quickly popped the candy into his mouth, grimacing instantly.

“Mmm! See? Still good!” winched Khan, forcing himself to chew the rotten chocolate and peanut butter cup. “B..b..back to you guys!”

Tony Khan has been listed as day-to-day with stomach cramping and dehydration. The bowl of candy has been sent home with full pay until a full internal investigation is completed.

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