Seth Rollins’ Fireworks Suit Goes Off With A Bang

San Diego, CA – WWE celebrated America’s Independence Day in spectacular fashion when Seth Rollins wore a suit made entirely of fireworks. Rollins, known for his outlandish suits, went all out for the July 4th edition of Monday Night Raw.

WWE’s most obnoxious Superstar was a regular Yankee Doodle Dandy at Raw. Rollins forced his misplaced patriotic fervor on all he met. Backstage, he laugh-sang “America The Beautiful” while handing out miniature American flags. At catering he loudly chewed on several Bomb Pops. In the gorilla position, he fanned himself with a pocket Constitution, insisting that he has read the entire thing.

Foregoing his usual theme, Rollins walked down the ramp to the tune of John Philip Sousa’s “The Stars And Stripes Forever”. He carefully entered the ring through the ropes, trying not to disturb the fireworks attached to his body. In a long-winded promo, Rollins described how he was going to unite the country with a “1776 star” match.

In his excitement, Rollins paced around the ring. His passionate walking and gesticulating ignited his firework suit prematurely. Red, white, and blue sparks exploded all around Rollins in a blinding display of nationalism.

“Yipe! Yipe!” shrieked Rollins as the sparks singed his beard, hair, and eyebrows. Ring crew members quickly extinguished the former champion, saving him from further injury. Despite being in great pain, Rollins continued with his match.

Sadly, Wrestling Observer’s Dave Meltzer only gave the match 1775 ¾ stars.

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