Kevin Owens Awarded The Presidential Medal Of Freedom For Stunning Logan Paul

Washington, DC – WWE Superstar Kevin Owens was awarded the Presidential Medal Of Freedom this weekend in a ceremony at the White House. Officials noted Owens’ Stunner on Youtuber Logan Paul as the main reason for receiving the highest civilian award of the United States.

Paul, most famous for being a ghoulish jerk and having an extremely punchable face, appeared at Wrestlemania last week in Sami Zayn’s corner. Owens and Zayn battled valiantly with Owens coming out on top. Following the match, Paul shoved Zayn and tried to raise Owens’ hand. The thought of being touched by Paul was too great for Owens who immediately delivered a devastating Stunner to the joy of millions watching.

While past recipients include civil rights activists, athletes, and politicians, this marks the first time a professional wrestler has received the honor. This also marks the first time a civilian has won the award for assaulting another civilian.

“Kevin, you went above and beyond stunning that little punk,” said President Joe Biden, placing the medal around Owens’ neck. “You have done the United States and the world a great service by cutting through the malarkey. You succinctly put a stop to the terror known as Logan Paul. Though he still remains to make Youtube videos and have freakshow boxing matches, the American people can sleep safely tonight. For that, we owe you our immense gratitude and our deepest thanks. Therefore, I award you the Presidential Medal Of Freedom.”

“Thank, you Mr. President,” said Owens, decked out in a suit with the sleeves cut off. “Y’know, I didn’t set out to win any awards. I just did what was right. Sometimes a man just has to step up and Stun an annoying little weasel. I’m proud that I could have positively affected so many lives with such a simple action.”

“Kevin, I don’t use the word ‘hero’ very often, but you are the greatest hero in American history,” said Biden to the Canadian-born wrestler.

“Woohoo!” cheered Owens.

When asked after the ceremony of his next plans, Owens offered, “Well, Summerslam is a few months away. I have a feeling Logan’s brother, Jake, could use a Stunner too. Maybe I will add the Congressional Gold Medal to my collection too.”

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