Headlies: WWE Reveals How They Named Retribution Members

14 Submitted by on Mon, 28 September 2020, 08:00

Stamford, CT – At their weekly meeting, WWE Creative revealed the source behind the new name for members of Retribution.

On last week’s Monday night Raw, the upstart faction Retribution revealed their themselves,” said Bruce Prichard. “No, wait. That doesn’t sound right. Last week, Retribution unveiled their members. Dang it. I mean they told us their names. There, that works.”

“It was the talk of the internet,” said Triple H. “The world just couldn’t get enough T-BAR, Slapjack, Mace, Retaliation, and Reckoning.”

Triple H addressed the writers in the room, asking “T-BAR? Really?”

“We love it!” said the writers in unison.

“WWE has acquired a very high-tech piece of technology that helps us create new and exciting names for the WWE Superstars of tomorrow!” boasted WWE CEO Vince McMahon. “They tell me it’s called a ‘fortune teller’. It can predict who you’re going to marry, how old you’ll be when you die, or how many kids you’ll have. Our tech boys have harnessed this incredible power to create better sports entertainment. Kevin, show them how it works!”

The paper fortune teller, popular in elementary and middle schools, sat beneath protective glass. WWE Executive Producer Kevin Dunn gently removed the glass and placed the paper fortune teller on his fingers. Carefully handling the delicate instrument, Dunn took a deep breath and steadied himself.

“Pick a number!” said Dunn.

“Five!” shouted McMahon.

Dunn then opened and closed the paper fortune teller five times.

“Pick a color!”

“Red!” barked McMahon.

Dunn lifted a flap on the fortune teller labeled ‘Red’.

“Okay, the newest Retribution member’s name is…Dump Truck!” exclaimed Dunn

“We love it!” said the WWE writers in unison.

The intense writing session continued for several hours. The group’s hard work and fortune teller yielded several new Superstar names. On tonight’s Raw, Retribution will debut their newest members Dump Truck, Z-Pack, Spaghetti Squash, Bulk, and Skull.

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
14 Responses to "Headlies: WWE Reveals How They Named Retribution Members"
  1. Justin Tym says:

    That fortune teller is better than the lotto machine AEW uses to put its matches together with

  2. Thomas Moffatt says:

    WWE plans to have a big reveal when the mastermind behind the entire group is revealed – and be named “Poostain”…

  3. Jerry says:

    There’s no way around a Gooker for Retribution this year. This whole mess has gotten so bad, I am more and more wondering, if it is intentionally awful. Destroying a bunch of characters for the sake of some petty statement does not sound beyond WWE.

  4. Mr. Boing says:

    I legit laughed reading Bulk and Skull.. They would have been a great crossover from the power rangers to WWE.

  5. Chris says:

    If Mustafa Ali was the hacker character from SmackDown, it would have worked to reveal Ali as the leader.
    I mean, it wouldn’t exactly save this angle, but it might have made it work better.

    Ali’s original gimmick was that he was about fighting for justice.
    Ali was pushed aside and forgotten about by WWE multiple times.
    He’s been online complaining about being relegated to Main Event. Sadly, this seems to be his real feelings, rather than part of a storyline.
    It would have been great if the Main Event run and his online posts were all hinting at him deciding to do something about how WWE is treating him.
    If Ali was the hacker and they combined all of this, it would explain how Retribution have been able to do some of the things they were doing.

    Then, maybe they could actually unmask the Retribution characters.
    I don’t know. Dijakovic explains that Ali got in their ear about how they’d probably be misused in WWE after leaving NXT, much like him.
    Ali showed that they could trick the company in to paying them twice, if they put on masks and pretended to be someone else. heh
    Retribution could say that the masks and names were a joke, because it’s what the corporate machine does to talented athletes, turns them in to cartoon characters. So, that was all part of their statement, and the WWE employees were such fools that they believed that their names were really stupid monikers like “T-Bar”.
    They could mock the WWE, saying that they can trademark the name “T-Bar” and try to make money off it, instead of pushing them for their wrestling talent.
    Stuff like that.

    Unfortunately, this won’t happen and Ali will be jobbing on RAW within a week now.

    Geez. I put far more thought in to all of this than the WWE did, and I only spent like five minutes coming up with this.
    Pritchard must have jotted this down on a party napkin after doing crack.

  6. DarthPitch says:

    Bulk and Skull will at least have some awesome entrance music.

  7. Guy Incognito says:

    Skull was already taken, as he was in DOA with Crush, Chainz, and 8-Ball.

  8. Grownk says:

    Whatchaa you gonna do when the Bulkmania and his gang of ninja druids run wild in the Thunderdome

  9. Demiglitch says:

    Spaghetti Squash is a good name for a move.

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