Headlies: WWE Now Selling Jeff Hardy’s Urine

7 Submitted by on Mon, 15 June 2020, 08:00

Stamford, CT – Over the weekend, Shop.WWE.com began selling actual urine samples from legendary Superstar Jeff Hardy.

The sale, inspired by the on-screen drug test Hardy was forced to take by his nemesis Sheamus, featured genuine Jeff Hardy urine in a sterile container. Available in small, medium, large, and “Charismatic Asparagus”, the containers also feature original artwork by Hardy. 

What started as a trickle soon became a leak and eventually, a powerful stream of purchases. Before Monday morning, WWE managed to shake out the final few drops of sales and the website was completely sold out.

“Jeff Hardy really knows how to make a splash, whether it’s in the ring or in sales,” said WWE CEO Vince McMahon. “It doesn’t take a wiz to see it. Stand up or sit down, he can go anywhere at any time. Jeff has had his problems, but that’s all water under the bridge. He’ll always be number one in my book!”

Rumors of McMahon personally force-feeding Hardy Pedialyte to meet demand remain unsubstantiated.

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
7 Responses to "Headlies: WWE Now Selling Jeff Hardy’s Urine"
  1. Matt says:

    We all know that Jeff’s urine failed the Wellness Policy.

  2. Thomas Moffatt says:

    I’m glad they didn’t try similar with Big Show’s poo…

  3. John C says:

    This could lead to the creation of a new championship, The 24/7 Tinkle Title. Anytime a superstar needs a potty break they must get past the champion to get to the stall to relieve themselves. If the superstar fails to advance past the champion they are forced to soil themselves and be subject to a loud Nelson Munzt, ha ha!!! If the challenger gets by the champion and uses the restroom and washing your hands, they are crowned the new champion.

    • Thomas Moffatt says:

      Vince would probably be up for that until one of his Bum Boy Three (Roman Reigns, Jinder Mahal, King Corbin) fouls themselves…

  4. CF says:

    Special Referee: Bear Grylls. >:)

  5. Sean O says:

    Let’s be honest, if Gamer Girl can sell her urine…

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