Headlies: Retribution Have A Nice Day Off

9 Submitted by on Mon, 31 August 2020, 08:00

Orlando, FL – After months of attacking various members of the WWE roster and disrupting television tapings, insurgent faction Retribution decided to reward themselves with a nice day off.

Still wearing their trademark black masks, hoodies, and pants, the mysterious group entered Universal’s Island Of Adventure. Although they are bent on destroying the WWE, Retribution made sure to maintain at least six feet between each other per the park’s rules. Taking advantage of the park’s Express Pass, the group wisely skipped lines, allowing them to enjoy more rides.

After experiencing Storm Force Acceleration and the Jurassic Park River Adventure, the group split. Bigger members of Retribution decided to ride Hagrid’s Magical Creature Motorbike Adventure. The smaller members took in a showing of Poseidon’s Fury.

The rowdy bunch, who definitely are not part of the NXT roster, hooted and hollered as they enjoyed their day in the sun. At times, certain members had to be reminded not to wreak havoc. Luckily all chainsaws and bolt cutters had been confiscated by park staff.

Tensions briefly rose when Retribution encountered Rey Mysterio, who was with his family. Just this past week, Retribution assaulted both Rey and his son Dominik. Thankfully, cooler heads prevailed when the smallest member of the faction handed a dole whip to the younger Mysterio. All was forgiven and quickly forgotten, especially on WWE television.

Overheated and overstimulated, the leader of Retribution purchased warm pretzels and refreshing iced teas for everyone. Properly fed and hydrated, the contingent spread throughout the park and had a great time.

As the day ended the faction gathered for a big group hug. Rested and relaxed, they all vowed to destroy WWE or something on Monday or whenever.

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
9 Responses to "Headlies: Retribution Have A Nice Day Off"
  1. Jerry says:

    They could at least have gone incognito… you know, putting masks over their masks or maybe some fake mustaches.
    If they caused their style of “chaos” on an Impact taping while being around, would that crush the promotion or count as regular working conditions?

    And while we’re at it: How do we even know, that there is only one Retribution? They are wearing masks and stuff; could be different groups independent from each other every single time.

  2. ercilev says:

    Honestly I’m beginning to suspect wwe themselves have no idea
    or plan for who retribution is. I sort of hope payoff is Charlotte Flair
    coming out of a spaceship.

  3. Barronmore says:

    Orange Cassidy is the leader of Retribution!?

  4. CF says:

    Those jerks probably want “Amity Island Boat Tours” back.

  5. Thomas Moffatt says:

    Part of me is expecting CM Punk to be revealed as the mastermind behind Retribution – it would make sense and be believable.

    In reality, it will fizzle out within a year – it’s reported WWE are keeping the identity of the members quiet which means they don’t know who they are going to be – I see the reveal being a let down with a nonsensical leader and similar faces from the Nexus angle to be brought in to thwart them. Then finally someone pointing out Retribution are a rip-off of the Nexus.

    I also expect AJ Styles to start wearing some form of face mask a la Cody Rhodes when he got his nose broken and using it as a weapon – there’s one that needs inducting, Cody Rhodes and his paper bags.

    Then I’m suspecting a superstar will have flatulence issues and/or be stuck in a lame stable…

    WWE takes recycling seriously…

  6. Jerry says:

    By the way, if we’re concentrating purely on kayfabe events, Retribution is the first thing this year, that to me not only feels bad, but real Gooker material (though my front runner is still “wrestling as essential business”).
    I don’t think they can turn it around that much, that it doesn’t at least score a nomination.

    • Guy Incognito says:

      Yep, easy nominee here.
      Such a missed opportunity for them not to destroy the PC on the last show there before Thunderdome.
      Don’t forget the fact that they don’t appear on PPV ever.
      Although, I guess you can kayfabe that by saying they don’t want to show up where both rosters are present.

  7. Mav says:

    Wait. Are these the Antifa thugs in black uniforms that emerged from the dark shadows on a plane ready to do big damage? The guy who was in the front row at Wrestlemania IV and V is clearly running low on lies.

  8. Thomas Moffatt says:

    I’m hating the angle because it feels so recycled and a rip-off of the Nexus but with more people.

    Goldberg winning the Universal Title with ease of the monster heel – we remember the mess at HITC 2019 between the Fiend and Rollins.

    That said Super Showdown is a genuine Gooker candidate, too.

    I’d even try to argue all things Baron Corbin but he’s more boring than appalling.

    Sheamus and Jeff Hardy is another gooker for me – I’m glad it finished when it did.

    I have a nasty feeling Sheamus is going to get lumbered with a leprechaun sidekick…

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