Headlies: Randy Orton Lights WWE Legend Moppy On Fire

6 Submitted by on Mon, 04 January 2021, 08:00

Orlando, FL – Randy Orton’s fire-fueled frenzy continued this week after he set beloved superstar Moppy ablaze during Legends Night.

The gathering of legends, meant to honor former stars and definitely not to boost ratings, started off as expected. Icons such as Hulk Hogan, Ric Flair, and Alicia Fox thanked the nonexistent crowd for their support and well wishes. Hillbilly Jim blew into a jug while Sgt. Slaughter played his washboard and Ivory danced a jig. Before Michael Hayes could read from his new book of poetry, Orton’s music hit.

The pyromaniac Apex Predator, who recently burnt The Fiend and Alexa Bliss to a crisp for the entertainment of less than 2 million people, slowly sauntered to the ring. Twenty minutes later, he finally entered. The former champion scanned the ring until he set his sights on his next victim: Moppy.

Legends scattered from the ring as Orton grabbed the beloved mop. The Thunderdome screens turned black as cameras zoomed in and out in nauseating fashion. After several frustrated clicks on a Bic lighter, Orton’s face illuminated in a sinister glow. Announcer Michael Cole pleaded for Orton not to do it, but his cries were ignored.

Moppy’s wooden body and microfibers acted as a natural accelerant. Flames rose as thick, black smoke filled the arena. A defiant Orton posed over the charred corpse, raising his victim count to three.

With no end in sight to his rampage, WWE officials have discussed possible disciplinary options.

“If Randy Orton lights two or three more people on fire, we might have to fine him,” said Vince McMahon.

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From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
6 Responses to "Headlies: Randy Orton Lights WWE Legend Moppy On Fire"
  1. Jerry says:

    I kind of had wished, the person with the lit match and maniacal smile in last weeks final shot had been Nikki. I feel like there’s still substance to squeeze out of that part of the story.

  2. Chris says:

    It was bad enough that Nikki didn’t try to come down to stop Orton.
    No one could be bothered to try to stop him from killing a suicidal employee.
    I guess all the WWE officials were too concerned with making a ruling about Money in the Bank and didn’t have time to deal with homicidal and suicidal employees.
    This story-line is really making Sabu look bad, by the way. He had that nickname, but never once burned anyone alive or wanted someone to burn him alive. Talk about all hype!

    Say what you will about the Attitude Era, but standards have really gone downhill since then. Back then, when a wrestler decided they were going to soak another wrestler in gasoline and set them in fire, they immediately sent officials to take the matches or lighter away from the pyromaniac superstar.
    It happened when Kane was going to light the Brood on fire, and the multiple times Satanic Undertaker tried to burn Kane alive.

    The worst part of this story-line is that I don’t see any payoff.
    The Fiend is supposed to be a demon from Hell invoked by Bray Wyatt.
    Orton burned him alive and tried (?) to do the same thing to Alexa Bliss.
    So, the payoff is going to be that the Fiend comes back to wrestle Orton in a match? Wow!
    Orton is human, so the payoff can’t be that the Fiend maims Orton for life.
    Worse yet, Orton most likely will win this feud because he is going on to fight Edge next.

    Now that they’ve shown what Orton can get away with having zero repercussions, if Orton doesn’t pull out a gun and shoot Edge, I am not going to believe the story-line.

    I half-expected that WWE would just drop this entire story.
    Orton would go on to feud with Edge, never to mention him murdering anyone again.
    Alexa would show up back to normal. Nikki would say, “Alexa? What happened? You’re not possessed anymore?”, only for Alexa to say, “What are you talking about? I’ve been on vacation for months.”
    Then, one day, a scrappy third-generation blue chipper named Windham Rotunda would show up to start wrestling.

  3. Jim says:

    “for the entertainment of less than 2 million people.”

    Forget Orton burning Moppy, you just burnt WWE to a cinder with that line. Damn.

  4. Acolyte of Glorious La Parka~ says:

    If he targets Mitch The Plant or Head next, I’m going down to Stamford and kicking Vince’s @ss.

    Not that that would be too hard, him being an undead zombie corpse at this point.

  5. John C says:

    “By gawd that mop has a damn family!!!! She has three lint brushes sitting at home for gawd sakes, someone get off their ass in the back and stop this.”

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