Headlies: “Hi, I’m Mr. Brell. Welcome to Jockass!”

3 Submitted by on Mon, 10 January 2022, 08:00

Hollywood, CA – The wrestling and media world were shocked today by the resurrection of the World Television Network, the miraculous return of head executive Tom Brell, and the announcement of the station’s new flagship show Jockass.

’Jockass’ is the future of television” stated Brell proudly in a press conference earlier today. “Equal parts professional wrestling and dummies hurting each other. Big, brainless meatheads throwing around smaller, brainless goofballs. Just an hour of people hurting each other. That’s what the audience wants.”

The announcement is seen as a direct response to Jackass star Johnny Knoxville appearing at the Royal Rumble in a few weeks.

“The entertainment world is dominated by idiots and we plan to capitalize on it,” explained Brell. “Imagine: Influencers, Instagrammers, athletes, wrestling fans, and obnoxious jerks mingling together. The stench will practically waft through the television screen. Then throw them in some shopping carts and push them off a cliff. License to print money.”

The starting lineup of Jockass will feature Klondike Kramer, Brock Chisler, Bulldog McPherson, and Jake Paul. Mr. Brell has also confirmed that members of his own staff will be taking part in the action.

“My executives Ordway and Unger and will be fired out of a cannon, soaring majestically through the air while being shot by paintballs. They will then land in a pool filled with honey and salmon, surrounded by hungry bears and recently-fired WWE stars. It’s sick, it’s twisted, it’s entertainment!”

When asked if his old nemesis Rip would be joining the show, Mr. Brell simply responded with “Take a leak.”

Written by

From the Northeast by way of Parts Unknown.
3 Responses to "Headlies: “Hi, I’m Mr. Brell. Welcome to Jockass!”"
  1. Christopher Haydu says:

    In the early years of WrestleCrap, there were several interviews with Earthquake, Bobby Heeban, Oscar from Men on a Mission, etc. R.D. should interview Kurt Fuller. He’s got to have great stories from being in that movie.

  2. CF says:

    I’m guessing this movie does for Mr. Fuller what _JAWS: The Revenge_ does for Michael Caine.

    “I have never seen this movie. I *have* seen the house it paid for.”

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