Green Bay, WI – Former WWF Tag Team champion Haku returned to WWE on last week’s Smackdown to the excitement of not just wrestling fans, but society as a whole.
Known as one of the toughest men in wrestling, Haku joined his sons Tama Tonga and Talla Tonga to lay out Damian Priest and R-Truth. Speaking softly and carrying an incredibly large stick, the former King’s aura radiated off The MFTs and spread across the arena and through television screens.
Despite a bad economy, unemployment high inflation, climbing housing prices, rising grocery costs, and an unpopular war, positive sentiments are increasing across the United States following Haku’s return to the WWE.
“It’s quite remarkable,” said University of Wisconsin Professor of Sociology Michael Goldblatt. “Overnight, public opinion has almost entirely switched to positive. The Misery Index has gone down, leisure spending is up, and people believe the world is now heading in the right direction. All thanks to one pro wrestler.”
“I’m one medical emergency from disaster, but who cares? Haku is back, baby!” cheered 47-year old Arthur Montbleau.
“The air smells fresher. Food tastes better. I’ve got a spring in my step. That’s all because of Haku!” smiled preschool teacher Becca Serrano.
“We’ve got wildfires, historic flooding, killer storms, but it’s all good because I know that he is watching over us again,” giggled truck driver Tony Glugg.
“To Haku!” toasted the patrons of Hanrahan’s Pub in downtown Green Bay.