Cody Rhodes Learns US Healthcare System Is The Real “American Nightmare”

Cheval, FL – WWE Superstar Cody Rhodes has learned the hard way that the true “American Nightmare” is the United States healthcare system.

Rhodes, who competed in a five-star main event against Seth Rollins while injured, underwent surgery this past weekend on a torn pectoral muscle. The surgery was a complete success and Rhodes is at home resting comfortably. Despite being a top WWE star, Rhodes has had to purchase his own healthcare which has proved to be inadequate. The process leading up to and following the surgery has been a difficult road for Rhodes.

“I spent hours on the phone trying to get things sorted,” said Cody’s wife Brandi. “First, we had to find a doctor in our network. Then we had to find a hospital in our network. Next, we had to coordinate with both the doctor, the surgeon, and the hospital to find a date because insurance won’t cover the surgery Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays, and weekends. Then we had to do it all over because we used blue ink instead of black on the forms. It spiraled out of control from there.”

Many Americans are all-too-familiar with arduous and often complicated process of receiving healthcare in the United States. The labyrinth and often-times archaic process is a confusing quagmire of bureaucratic red tape. Even a star of an international sports entertainment promotion is not immune.

“I don’t even know what we agreed to, to be honest,” explained Cody. “My hair turned even blonder when I received the bill. $115 for Tylenol? $500 for a sponge bath? $425,000 for room and care?! They kicked me out after a day! I’m just the son of a son of a plumber. At this rate, the next reality show I do is going to be called ‘Rhodes To Ruin’.”

Sadly, the cruel hand of insurance reached even farther than just medical care.

“Insurance determined I couldn’t even get Jell-O,” sighed Cody. “I am only allowed to eat something called Gelatin-Zeros. And it isn’t even a good flavor. It’s black licorice. Does Black Licorice Gelatin-Zeros sound good? No. No it does not.”

Rhodes expects to return to the ring sooner than expected, in part to help pay off his enormous bills. WWE head Vince McMahon wished Rhodes well while tightly clutching to his independent contractor agreement.

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