Chicago, IL – Following the shocking news of his firing, the role of CM Punk in AEW will now be played by Danhausen.
Picking up where Punk left off, Danhausen will be entering a feud with Ricky Starks while being a locker room leader backstage. He will also be carrying around the championship belt with an “X” on it. To complete the transition, the painted wrestler has adopted the straight edge lifestyle and glued a beard to his face.
Danhausen has assumed the role with vigor, being the best CM Punk he can be.
“Yes, yes. Very real world. Very champion,” said Danhausen during an in-ring promo at All In last night. “CM Punkhausen will take on all competitors, whether they are Rickard Starky, Samosa Joseph, or Large William. I will put many people to sleep with my curses. Love that Punkhausen.”
Danhausen is also reported to be continuing Punk’s backstage feuds with several wrestlers.
“Jungle Jackson 5 Perry will go through no glass. Not even a screen door,” decreed Danhausen. “The Young Buckles are not allowed to have super kick parties. Hangpage Adamman shall face the wrath of Hook. Adam Page can continue to do what he wants because he is a sweetheart. Best in the worldhausen!