Saskatchewan, Canada – WWE Superstar Brock Lesnar has debuted a brand-new look following his retirement at SummerSlam.
“It’s so nice to not have to maintain a bulky look,” said the noticeably slimmer Lesnar. “Getting off the road, not having to be “The Beast” anyone? It’s a literal weight off my shoulders. Do you know how tired I am of eating steaks and chops all the time? Gross.”
Despite only being a few days following his departure from professional wrestling, the former WWE Champion has drastically changed his lifestyle. Brock Lesnar no longer works out and eats a high-protein, meat-heavy diet, switching to alternative foods and leisure.
“I’m really loving this new life,” said Lesnar in the middle of an intense World of Warcraft game. “Everything is so chill now. I’m experiencing all that life has to offer. Like, have you ever tried kale and quinoa? It’s great! Oh, and kombucha! Sooooo good!”
While he may no longer be “The Next Big Thing”, Lesnar still maintains he can go in the ring.
“All aboard the train to Suplex City,” he said before tearing both biceps after flexing too hard.