The WWF Clubhouse – Where YOU Do All The Work!

WWF Magazine, December 1996

As much of a huge WWF fan as I have been for nearly forty years, I’ve never been involved in any of their official fan clubs over the years. Pretty sure they had these dating back to the 1980s, and the closest I ever came was in the early 1990s when they started offering theme music tapes as part of the membership. At that time, you absolutely could NOT find WWF wrestling themes and as one of those tapes had Doink’s music on it. I was hoping beyond hope it was the heel version of it, but since I wasn’t sure, I never pulled the trigger.

Today, though, we’re heading to the latter half of the decade, specifically the December 1996 edition of WWF Magazine. Our subject today is a one-page ad begging folks to join something called the “WWF Clubhouse”. I’ve never heard of this thing, but I am guessing/hoping someone reading this was actually a member and can shed some light in the comments below.

But hey, check this out – via “Superstars To Go”, you might be able to get one of the top wrestlers in the world to show up at your school or at your house. My question – is that a choice? Because where I want that person to show up is greatly dependent on who it is. For instance, if I’m a kid and I’m getting Sid, totally bringing him to school with me in hopes that jerk that bullies me constantly believes it’s my older brother. If it’s, I dunno, Barry Horowitz (who was on PPVs around this time), I’d give them my home address so I’d have a helper when I clean out the garage.

Next up is the Quarterly Clubhouse News. In one of the fan clubs, getting a special newsletter seems like a gimme. That definitely makes sense. However, with this one YOU ARE THE ONE WRITING THE ARTICLES. So not only are you paying for this, you are also doing the work. That’s a totally Vince move.

Other stuff is kinda normal – membership cards, discounts on events and merch. But here you also get a phone card. There’s no details given of course, so what this thing actually was is anyone’s guess. My first thought was maybe this would give you a discount on WWF hotline calls, but guessing they’d spell that out, so expecting it’s an exclusive hotline you could call.

Probably hosted by one of the kids in the club. Can’t wait until Thursdays when Pete in Boise is hosting!

It also lists interactive TV contests, but I don’t recall this ever being mentioned on any shows, and I watched every last one of them during this period. But hey, you get it all for just $18.90 (plus five bucks for shipping and handling). As if that weren’t enough…

…apparently they also TATTOO YOU. It doesn’t say TEMPORARY, nor does it say what the tattoo is, and with what we’re seeing here I’d be rather concerned. On the plus side, at least you don’t have to pay for it.

Not gonna lie, this sounds like the worst club ever. Really glad I never joined.

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