Shawn Michaels’ Advice to the Lovelorn

This will sound totally bizarre, but people, yes grown adults, once upon at time would write letters to newspapers and magazines asked them for advice on how to improve their love lives. I’m not making this up – they would get out a piece of paper and a pen, hand write their woes, put it in an envelope, buy a stamp, and send it through the US Postal Service in hopes of having some sage wisdom imparted in the rolled up parchment thrown at their door. I know the world we live in now is weird, but it wasn’t any more sane ‘back in the day’.

To that end, today we get such a column from none other than “Shawn Michaels”. I put that in quotes because I am quite certain Shawn had absolutely zero to do with this. Heck, it wouldn’t surprise me if this was Vince Russo’s handiwork. I’ll have to ask him about that on our next Joker’s Mustache recording. With all that out of the way, let’s see what Shawn has to say courtesy of the November 1994 edition of WWF Magazine.

A reader named “DUSK” writes in first and she…or he, I ain’t judging…wants to know how they can get their boyfriend to look like Shawn. I mean, maybe not exactly like him, but at least with the “great bod and hairstyle”. Shawn notes that no one is as hot as he is so Dusk will just wallow with the mids or “go after the Heartbreak Kid himself.” Dude, if this person is writing in to a magazine like this, you probably don’t want to roll out the red carpet for them. Seems like something that would end up with a restraining order.

Praying in Pittsburgh (if that is her real name) is a nine year old who has a major issue – her Mom loves Shawn so much she “GOES WILD” when he appears on television. Sadly we do not get a description of what this exactly means. Is she screaming? Is she jumping up and down on the couch? Enquiring minds want to know!

Kickin’ Back in New Jersey is a 13 year old who thinks Shawn is PATHETIC and a SEXIST PIG. Shawn notes that even a woman in a “fit of anger” would see what a “stunning young man” he is. Anyone else find it odd and a bit unnerving that a full two-thirds of the letters here are from minors? I mean, I know that the readership of WWF Magazine at the time would likely be that age but still…I kinda feel like I need to go wash my hands after reading this one.

As I recall, they revamped this column in later mags, as they paired Shawn with Alundra Blayze to get a woman’s perspective on things. Sounds like a disaster, which means only one thing – we will likely be covering it in the future!

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