WWF Raw – March 29th, 1999 – Continental Airlines Arena – East Rutherford, NJ
WWF Raw opens with a recap of Stone Cold’s road to the WWF title since losing it back in September, culminating in his victory at WrestleMania XV last night.
Michael Cole, back at the announce table after ceding his spot to Jim Ross for last night’s main event, welcomes us to the Continental Airlines Arena, “in the shadow of New York City”. That’s code for New Jersey.
Steve Austin arrives with the WWF title, which he drops while climbing the turnbuckles. It’s okay, though. He doesn’t even like the belt, and he’s going to relinquish it to Vince McMahon. The announcers are shocked, while Vince is skeptical but pleasantly surprised. He’s not skeptical enough, though, neglecting to ask whether Austin is forfeiting the title or just the physical belt.
Vince snatches the belt away, but Austin tells him not so fast: he has some footage to show him.
Austin wants his old custom smoking skull belt, which McMahon had placed on his mantel. Stone Cold demands Vince retrieve the belt from “Green-witch” Connecticut by the end of tonight’s WWF Raw, or else he’ll kick McMahon’s ass. Vince refuses and reminds Austin that he can’t touch the boss without physical provocation.
At this, Austin shows footage from WrestleMania of Vince stomping Austin. Though Stone Cold already Vince the stunner last night, his contract apparently gives him a full 24 hours in which to retaliate. Vince hits Austin in the face with the belt, which I suppose doesn’t restart the clock. McMahon runs away and flips him off from the stage, leaving the standard WWF belt behind.
Backstage, Ivory and Tori march to the ring in ridiculous outfits to face Jacqueline and Sable when WWF Raw returns. The Ministry of Darkness is also seen walking backstage, but they’re not officially in the match.
Vince McMahon tells his daughter, named Stephanie, to call home and have the smoking skull belt to the arena.
“This is for all the women who want to be me”, says Sable, “and for the men who come to see me!” She asks whether the men are ready for The Grind, then flops around like a fish being pulled into a boat.
Her partner Jacqueline is accompanied by Terri Runnels, who licks the length of her cigar. I’m pretty sure that cigar was pre-rolled, so I certainly have no idea why she would do this.
Ivory, no longer selling the cigar burn from last night’s Heat, teams with Tori, who has a generic hard rock theme. Ivory starts the match with Jacqueline, gives her a giant swing, then tags in Tori. Ivory then chases off Terri Runnels, stranding Tori. Luckily for the woman in the body suit, Sable whacks Jacqueline in the back with her belt rather than tag in. Sable grinds some more, while Tori wins with a backslide despite Jacqueline’s shoulders being a foot off the ground.
Sable and Tori look about to square off after the match, but the lights go out. The Ministry of Darkness (minus the Acolytes) surrounds the ring, which Tori wisely exits. Undertaker says he only came out here to see what Sable’s “got”, so Sable does The Grind again. “Nice ass!” says The Undertaker. Kidding! He grabs her throat and holds her hostage to bring Vince McMahon to the ring.
Vince leaves Stephanie with Shane and comes on stage. He barely gets a word out before rushing back looking for Stephanie.
When WWF Raw returns, Vince berates Shane for leaving his post. In Shane’s defense, he was only gone for a minute; it just happened to be the only minute Vince was gone. “I’m sorry, dad, I’m sorry!” pleads Shane.
X-Pac is here, apparently in no mood to tell anyone to suck it. Last night, he was betrayed by Chyna (again) and Triple H. But he and the New Age Outlaws are still going to come out every week, “say ‘Suck it’ and raise hell”. So forget what I just said. He addresses “Hunter, because that is your name” (but not really). Tonight, he’s the Hunted. His ass is grass, and X-Pac is going to smoke it.
Backstage, McMahon answers the phone. It’s The Undertaker, who menacingly calls Stephanie, “sugar and spice and everything nice”. And I doubt Taker watches the Powerpuff Girls, let alone listens to the Spice Girls!
The Big Show, out of jail after punching Vince last night, is here to face Test. Show is still employed by the WWF, as his contract lacks Austin’s special no-beating-up-the-boss clause. Show chokeslams Test and pins him within seconds. So far, it’s the match of the night.
Big Show says no one owns him, and that Vince didn’t know how right he was when he said everything would change now that Paul Wight was in the WWF. “And that”, says Big Show, “is the last word”. That’s an awfully similar catchphrase one of Stone Cold’s, but I’m sure that won’t be an issue.
WWF Raw returns with Vince McMahon enlisting Ken Shamrock in his search for Stephanie.
Jim Ross accompanies Dr. Death in his Hardcore title match against Bob Holly, joining the Spanish announce team for the bout. He wishes them a good morning in Spanish. The production truck occasionally drops in on Ross demanding his job back (in English).
Steve Williams has a straight wrestling match with Bob Holly for a few minutes—a length equal to the total match time of the rest of WWF Raw so far—before Holly brings in a table. Williams slams Holly through the table but knocks the ref down in the process. Al Snow then hits Dr. Death with a frying pan, yelling at him that no one else is going to take his title. He then pulls the champ onto Williams as Jim Ross calls him an idiot (and Carlos Cabrera translates). Jim Ross complains to the referee that Al Snow used a frying pan, Tim White says he didn’t see it. Also, it’s a hardcore match.
As WWF Raw enters its second hour, The Rock comes out, accompanied by Shane McMahon. Shane tells the announcers that he’s deeply concerned about his sister, then mimics The Rock’s arm movements for the People’s Elbow. Rock faces Billy Gunn, who tells him to suck it (just like X-Pac said!).
Rock and Gunn go at it at a fast pace before The Rock plants Billy Gunn with a floatover DDT. “That’s what we’ve been waiting for”, says Lawler. “Lay the smack down!” Surely enough, the move would be called, “Laying the Smack Down” in the WWF Attitude video game. Coincidence? As Shane cheers his guy on, Michael Cole questions how he can be so enthusiastic when his sister has been kidnapped.
Rock does Steve Austin’s old Stun Gun to stun Gunn. “What a maneuver”, says Cole. Billy, whose feet are under the ropes anyway, kicks out. Rock grabs Cole’s headset and asks Shane whether he’d prefer Rock to lay the smack down or to layeth the smacketh downeth; McMahon chooses the latter. Before any smacking can occur, though, Gunn moons the Rock, who suddenly gets the urge to stick his foot in there.
Back in the ring, the two men run the ropes until Rock catches Gunn with the Rock Bottom, then the Corporate Elbow.
Backstage, Vince blubbers to Ken Shamrock about getting his daughter back. Ken promises to beat the Stephanie’s whereabouts out of his opponent.
That opponent is Gangrel, who catches Shamrock with both a Tremendous Maneuver (powerslam) and a Beautiful Maneuver (DDT). But Ken is in no mood for maneuvers, striking Gangrel relentlessly and slamming him against steps and ring posts. Teddy Long threatens to count Ken out, but the World’s Most Dangerous Man is in his zone and doesn’t care. “Where is she!?” he keeps asking, but Gangrel refuses to answer.
Shamrock then changes tack, using some actual moves like the Frankensteiner and the ankle lock. Gangrel taps to the hold but won’t say where Steph is. The Brood immediately turn out the lights and give Ken a bloodbath, but amazingly, Shamrock doesn’t care about the corn syrup and red dye. Trapping Christian in the ankle lock, he gets the youngest Brood member to admit that Stephanie is in the basement. It’s Christian’s first words in the WWF.
When WWF Raw returns, a bloody-looking Ken Shamrock scours the basement for Stephanie McMahon.
Intercontinental champion Road Dogg, having beaten three men in an elimination match last night, now defends his title against one of those men. He faces Goldust in a battle of second-generation wrestlers with fake hair. The champ says he always does it doggy style.
Goldust, who last night kicked Ryan Shamrock to the curb, is accompanied by the Blue Meanie, who considers him his mommy. While that’s weird, it’s not as weird as the WWF naming Alicia Webb after Ken Shamrock’s son and pitching an incest angle.
Speaking of Ryan, she strolls to the ring shortly into the match but gets turned away by Meanie. After Lawler makes a lewd comment involving tongues, Cole notes that Ryan is available now. Jeez, she’s 19, Cole. You might as well tell King to date Moolah.
Goldust attempts to shatter Road Dogg’s dreams, but Roadie pulls the ref in the way. Goldust puts on the brakes. The Meanie then steps onto the apron, diverting Road Dogg’s attention so Goldust can attack from behind. “Blue Meanie… did his job”, says Cole, “distracting Goldust [sic], who’s now in control.” Huh!?
Road Dogg shatters Goldust’s dreams with the Meanie’s head but can’t score the pinfall. Blue Meanie grabs Road Dogg’s belt and, when the Dogg escapes the Curtain Call, hits him with it. Goldust then does the Curtain Call successfully and pins Road Dogg for the title.
In celebration, Goldust calls his title win a “raging climax”, tarnishing the perfectly innocent WrestleMania XV tagline with innuendo. Goldust says he’s discovered who he is and that everyone will find out soon. “What is he talking about?” asks Cole.
“I’m not even going to ignore that”, says King.
In the boiler room, a guy in a WWF denim shirt guides a red Ken Shamrock to Stephanie McMahon. How did he get down there before Ken? Is he a member of the Ministry?
Stephanie has what appears to be ashes on her face and the Undertaker’s symbol on her forehead. It’s the worst make-up job she’ll ever have until her heel turn later this year.
WWF Raw returns with a tearful reunion between Stephanie and Vince. “Those rotten bastards!” says McMahon.
Owen Hart & Jeff Jarrett defend their tag team titles against the Legion of Doom, who are next in line for a title shot after “Two Random Battle Royal Winners”. I’m not saying LOD are irrelevant, but Kurrgan will make it into WWF Attitude and not them.
LOD does their LOD stuff for a little bit, hitting Owen with the Doomsday device, but Debra creates a distraction. While Tim White deals with Debra and Mr. Dot Com, Jarrett hits Animal with a guitar and pulls Owen on top. The referee, seeing Jeff Jarrett in the ring and broken pieces of guitar on the mat, counts the 1-2-3 for the champions.
In the McMahon locker room, Vince thanks Ken Shamrock. McMahon calls it a day and tells his son to just hand over the smoking skull belt to Austin. Once Vince is gone, though, Shane starts to make other plans involving The Rock.
X-Pac faces Triple H, who enters to the Corporation’s music accompanied by Chyna and Shane McMahon. Triple H is wearing some of his unpopular, non-DX-branded merchandise.
Jerry quotes a Steve Earle song in reference to Triple H ditching his friend. IN the opening minutes, X-Pac gets his lip split before trying to bust Hunter’s bronco. Shane McMahon trips him, though, and in X-Pac’s pursuit of McMahon, Chyna clotheslines him. The referee calls for the bell, but the beating continues with a low blow and a Pedigree.
The lights go out for Kane’s entrance; Shane unwisely tries to jump the Big Red Machine, who fends him off easily. Next, Chyna distracts Kane, who eats a brutal chair shot from Triple H. “That’s why they call him the big red ret**d!” laughs Lawler. Kane is back on his feet in no time, pursuing Triple H and Chyna up the ramp.
Shane McMahon remains and takes the mic to taunt Steve Austin. The custom Stone Cold belt? It’s now around The Rock’s waist. Out comes The Rock with the belt (slung over his shoulder, in fact) to talk about laying the smack down on candy asses (Austin’s specifically).
Austin storms the ring and brawls with The Rock. Stone Cold stuns Shane before Rock puts the boots to him and whacks him with the belt. The rest of the Corporation joins in (except the Bossman, who got hanged last night).
Now would be a good time to hear, “Weeeeell, well it’s the Big Show!”, but that theme song doesn’t exist yet, so Big Show jogs to the ring without accompaniment. Big Show and Austin clean house, with Show chokeslamming Triple H as Stone Cold’s music plays.
Final tally:
3 Maneuvers