WWF Raw – December 28th, 1998 – Pepsi Arena – Albany, NY
Tonight’s WWF Raw begins with a recap of last week’s WWF Raw, where Kane returned from the insane asylum to join the Corporation and waylay D-X. On Heat, Kane thanked Mr. McMahon via a throat vibrator (or whatever it’s called).
Michael Cole welcomes the viewers to WWF Raw from the capital of New York State (and therefore, I can only assume, its largest and most important city), Albany. Vince McMahon, meanwhile, promises retribution against everyone responsible for Shane getting his ass kicked last week. Vince even threatens to humiliate and publicly fire Commissioner Shawn Michaels—“and then from there, we just might kick his ass”. If anything, HBK should be fired for showing up high last week. Curiously, Vince and Shawn appeared together on Heat last night (taped 13 days ago, after last week’s WWF Raw) and didn’t exchange one cross word.
McMahon’s Corporate Team drags Mankind out of the boiler room in a scene that’s difficult to watch and listen to (because of the terrible lighting and audio).
Vince McMahon wants to give Mankind a Hardcore title shot for some ulterior motive, but Road Dogg is already on his way to the ring to defend against Val Venis, a man who was hardcore before hardcore was a championship. Apparently, the winner of this match faces Mankind tonight, they just don’t know it yet. Venis invites all the ladies to visit him between the holidays, and by holidays he means his legs.
In the crowd, a fan holds up a sign reading, “I love porn”, and because this is the Attitude Era, it’s actually pertinent. Val Venis executes a Nice Maneuver (spinebuster) before the Corporate Team crashes the party. When Val takes an extra-long break to gyrate over his male opponent, Test sneaks in the ring. “This is a hardcore match,” says Jerry. “There’s no disqualification.” Test then bulldogs Val, triggering an immediate disqualification.
As the Corporation isolates Venis on the outside, D-X rushes into the ring to defend their Dogg. Eventually, Bossman gets bored of choking Venis with his nightstick (not a euphemism), and the Corporation walks away.
Vince McMahon then comes out to lay down the law. Firstly, “Mr. Dogg” will defend his Hardcore title against Mankind. Then, X-Pac and the rest of D-X will pay for Bronco Busting Shane. And lastly, because “there’s still a little DX” (i.e. drugs) left in HBK, and because he (temporarily) prevented the Corporation from saving Shane last week, Commissioner Michaels will be fired tonight.
Backstage, a blood-bathed Al Snow, having not changed his shirt in the past week, finds Head with its mouth taped shut and its head shaved. Uh, its self shaved?
When WWF Raw returns from its first commercial, Vince McMahon gives Kane his marching orders: bring him the head of a D-X member tonight. Al Snow, it should be noted, is not a D-X member, so Head is at least safe in that respect. Behind Kane’s back, Pat Patterson plays with his voice rod.
Edge, using his own theme music and crowd entrance for the first time since joining the Brood, faces the disheveled Snow. In said crowd, one fan tells the Women’s champion to perform a sex act on him. Al Snow flattens Edge with a Great Maneuver (moonsault) but doesn’t attempt a cover. Instead, he grabs a chair and mounts the turnbuckles again. Edge, however, lifts him up on his shoulders and slams him, chair and all, to the mat. Talk about an electric chair drop!
Edge attempts a bombs-away elbow drop off the top rope but misses. Al Snow then delivers his double-underhook headbutts to Edge before smashing him repeatedly with Head. New referee Teddy Long tries to reason with Snow, but after ten seconds or so of this weapon use, he finally disqualifies him. See, if this had been a Hardcore title match, he’d have thrown the match out much sooner. The rest of the Brood run in to counter Snow, but the JOB Squad soon follows. As the Squad and the Brood duke it out, Snow hits Duane Gill with Head and runs away. This is just Al being nuts, not a swerve.
In the back, Women’s champion Sable performs stretches in long pants in preparation for her first title defense. “Woo woo woo!” says a horny Lawler.
The Glover Slam of the Week comes not from this week or even last week, but last month when Sable beat Jacqueline for the Women’s title.
In the dressing room earlier today, X-Pac talked with “his friend” Dennis Knight, although the last we saw of Knight, he was feuding with X-Pac. Knight, who is not booked in a match tonight, said he showed up because “he” told him to be there. Ooh, a mystery!
The Lovely Sable (as billed by Tony Chimel) comes to the ring, where she is confronted by a fan with a single flower. This is the same “fan” (Terri Poch) seen months earlier in the front row during Sable’s matches, though no one noticed at the time. Security takes the woman away as Sable looks on, confused.
Speaking of confused, out comes the masked Spider Lady, who is obviously Luna Vachon (the only other wrestler in the division). Jerry Lawler, though, is convinced it’s the Fabulous Moolah, the last woman to dress up and use that name. Moolah got a noticeable boob job, it seems. Spider Lady brutally beats Sable and even whips her with her belt until the Oddities restrain her. “She’s a lunatic”, says Lawler.
Spider Lady unmasks as Luna and argues with the Oddities. Despite George The Animal Steele trying to talk sense into her, Luna storms off and says it’s all about her.
When WWF Raw returns, Sable is backstage being checked on by the Oddities. George Steele asks if she’s okay because he’s a gentleman (ignoring that time he and Sika assaulted that female extra at Butcher Vachon’s wedding. Seriously, wtf George?)
X-Pac, who was beaten by Kane last night on Heat, defends his European title against tag team champ Bossman. The Bossman is all over X-Pac, who has to contend with a major size disadvantage. Nothing works for X-Pac until Bossman makes the mistake of jumping from the top rope. No one’s sure what move he was attempting, but X-Pac dodges it all the same.
Mr. Pac takes down Bossman with a series of kicks and the Bronco Buster. Test strolls to the ring, but Val Venis follows him and gets into a scuffle with his fellow Canadian. Soon, the Bossman intervenes and restrains Val Venis, leading to a disqualification. Exactly who is disqualified and why, we don’t know.
A vignette now airs of Vince McMahon’s training for the Royal Rumble. While Rocky-style music plays, Shane feeds raw egg after raw egg to his dad and yells at him in the gym. “Ahhh, I hate Austin!” Vince screams back. After completing his workout, Vince is rewarded with a much more palatable drink, a bottle of water.
Goldust now enters for a tag team match, which Cole calls, “singles competition” before correcting himself. The phrase, “singles competition” is always reserved for wrestlers who are otherwise part of a tag team, making the screw-up especially impressive. Goldust teams with Steve Blackman against the two most recent Blue Blazers, Owen Hart and Jeff Jarrett. In the front row, two Owen Hart superfans show off their new, butt-ugly Owen t-shirts.
Goldust and Jarrett start the match off at about 100 mph, running the ropes, ducking each other, and hitting the occasional high-impact move until Goldust sets up Jarrett for the Shattered Dreams. Owen Hart distracts Goldust to save said dreams, and Jarrett hits a jumping armbar takedown and tags out. “What a Maneuver”, notes Cole.
The action slows to a more reasonable pace, and Owen and Steve end up in the ring together. While Michael Cole hits his bullet points (for instance, later on WWF Raw, we’ll see a 1998 Year in Review), Jerry Lawler chides him for not being distracted by Debra. Hart puts Blackman in the Sharpshooter, which Cole claims Owen invented; thanks to the Montreal Screwjob, what was once blatant heel propaganda is now promoted as fact.
Owen releases the hold when he sees Dan Severn walk down the ramp. Severn doesn’t accept Owen’s apologies for the broken neck and follows him around ringside until Jarrett puts Debra between them. Owen gets back in the ring but, distracted, is rolled up by Blackman for the 1-2-3.
Backstage, Triple H and Chyna walk toward the ring for their upcoming match, but Michael Cole gets word about some kind of ruckus in the parking lot.
When WWF Raw returns, the Acolytes stuff Dennis Knight in the trunk of his car and drive away. Footage from the commercial break confirms that the Acolytes did indeed beat him up, and that this wasn’t some kind of hide-and-seek mishap.
D-X is out in full force for Triple H’s match with Ken Shamrock. Unlike last week’s Gunn-Shamrock match, this one is actually for the Intercontinental Title. That’s very professional of Mr. McMahon, not letting personal grudges get in the way of fairness. More importantly, the announcers note that Chyna is looking good.
An insecure Triple H repeatedly asks the crowd whether they are ready, even though they clearly are. Hunter notes that Albany was where they started this whole shindig (can he say that word on TV?). After D-X and the crowd’s usual preparations to suck it, the Intercontinental Champion comes down for what Cole calls, “one whale of a match”.
The two men scrap in the ring until Triple H hits Shamrock with a neckbreaker. Ken immediately scrambles to the outside to regroup, none the worse for wear, suggesting that move was named hyperbolically. When the action resumes, Michael Cole notes that the WWF encourages freedom of expression but reserves the right to remove signs that are obscene. As he says this, four fans hold up signs reading, “COCK”. Cole also notes, positively, the many signs supporting D-X (such as “Suck it” and “Strip Chyna”).
Triple H hits a Gordbuster on Shamrock, prompting Cole to once again declare, “What a Maneuver!” Hunter then dropkicks Test, who is minding is own business on the outside, as shown by the 10-10-220 Double Feature. Ken works over Triple H’s knee; Cole points this out until he abruptly stops mid-sentence, then receives directions over his headset to talk about the other matches and events still to come on WWF Raw.
Hunter makes a brief comeback that the Corporation thwarts with their distractions, allowing Shamrock to lock in his ankle lock. Triple H reaches the ropes, but Shamrock refuses to release the hold, leading to a disqualification. This leads to a DX-Corporate brawl that Kane reluctantly joins at the behest of the stooges. The “Christmas Bonus” steps in to look menacing, but D-X retreats before he can do anything.
The WWF Rewind, presented by 10-10-220, is Billy Gunn’s IC title win that wasn’t. George Carlin was doing commercials for 10-10-220 at the time.
WWF Raw resumes with a backstage interview with “B.A. Billy Gunn”, who vows to get the Intercontinental title that’s rightfully his. Ken Shamrock then shows up for a verbal altercation revolving around each other’s asses and the various things people can do with them: beat them, show them, kiss them, etc. That sounds like a good wrestling theme!
Sexual Chocolate Mark Henry is here to address his problems with Pretty Mean Sisters, the newly-christened duo of Jacqueline and Terri Runnels. Or, as Michael Cole puts it, “Mr. Chocolate had some problems with PMS last week”.
The first thing Mark does is to apologize to his “girlfriend” Chyna for his antics with Terri and Jackie. But instead of Chyna, its PMS who show up. Jerry Lawler says the pregnant Terri is starting to “show”, which she isn’t. She does, however, nearly “show” something else when she crouches under the second rope in full view of the camera. Terri says they’re not done with Mark, but D’Lo steps in and calls the duo “glorified ring rats”.
Chyna then marches down, grabs the mic, and warns both women to “stay away from [her] man”. When Jacqueline mocks the threats, Chyna grabs her by the throat and shoves her down. Chyna tells Mark she’ll see him later, exposing the braces on her teeth from her recent jaw surgery.
In the bowels of the arena, the McMahons and the stooges discuss something. “What the hell are they up to now!?” shouts Cole. Hey, can’t people have a private conversation?
As this is the last WWF Raw of 1998, they air highlights of the past year, including segments on Hell in a Cell and the Austin-McMahon feud. Along the way, breasts are exposed, caskets are set ablaze, and brains were traumatically injured.
The fond memories are interrupted by live footage of the Corporate Team beating up the Godfather. Why would anyone want to hurt an innocent pimp? It seems Godfather is scheduled to face Billy Gunn next, but the Corporation has other plans for Mr. Ass. You know, they do run the place; they could have simply canceled the match.
Shane McMahon comes out on stage to the Godfather’s music, where he announces “Corporate Kane” as Gunn’s new opponent. Kane, whom the announcers pretend is significantly taller and “100 pounds heavier” than Gunn, dishes out the punishment.
If that weren’t enough, Ken Shamrock runs down to covertly apply the ankle lock. Kane chokeslams Gunn and attempts a pin, but the stooges demand additional chokeslams. D-X makes the save for Gunn, with X-Pac hitting Kane with a dropkick to end the match in DQ.
The Rock comes to the ring for commentary in the match pitting Road Dogg against Mankind. Dogg enters without a microphone, so he commandeers Tony Chimel’s mic and does his usual intro, identifying himself as the former tag team champions of the world, the Road Dogg Jesse James, the Bad Ass Billy Gunn, the New Age Outlaws. Bear in mind, he is out there by himself and carrying a different championship belt he still actually owns.
Next out is the challenger Mankind, whom The Rock has booked into the Smackdown Hotel at the corner of Know Your Role Boulevard and Jabroni Drive. “What?” asks Cole, who can’t process that many new catchphrases at once. Backstage, Shawn Michaels is seen arriving an hour and a half late to work as WWF Raw goes to commercial.
The Rock rants about monkey crap and (human) piss while Road Dogg and Mankind beat each other up. Mankind, explains Cole, was recently named Man of the Year by WWF.com after he was screwed out of Time magazine’s online voting. Mankind suplexes a table onto Road Dogg [sic], but Mr. Dogg then back-drops Foley on the ramp and smashes said table in his face. Roadie throws a tool box at Mankind, which bursts open with nails and screws (the tool box, not Mankind). The unexplained cookie sheet makes another appearance before Road Dogg leg-sweeps Mankind onto a chair.
While The Rock calls Kane “part-ret***ed”, Mankind covers Road Dogg. The referee, however, disallows the pin because Road Dogg’s foot is on the ropes. Remember as recently as last week when Hardcore title matches were falls-count-anywhere, no-DQ? A piledriver on a chair fails to put the champ away, so Mankind pulls out some of his own hair and throws Dogg to the outside.
The fight spills out into the crowd and over the hockey barricade, where Road Dogg knocks Mankind into a technician and into a box. The champion then garrotes Mankind but gets guillotined on the railing. Mankind applies Mr. Socko, but rather than getting a submission victory, Foley changes tack and jumps off the top of a tunnel onto Road Dogg through a table. The Rock, however, Rock Bottoms Mankind onto the floor. Luckily for Road Dogg, Earl Hebner declines to disqualify him, while Mankind’s feet are about a hundred feet from the nearest ropes, allowing the champ to pin the challenger. When Road Dogg sees the replay of The Rock’s interference, though, he is shocked and chagrined.
Mr. McMahon wastes no time coming to the ring for his confrontation with Shawn Michaels. Vince recounts all the effort he put in to making Shawn Michaels a star, then shows a clip from March of a drug-bloated HBK called the boss a “piece of s**t” whom he didn’t need anymore.
Then last week, Michaels prevented The Corporation from interfering in Shane McMahon’s match with Shane (until he didn’t).
That seems pretty weak cause for termination, but to be fair to Vince, he had only thirteen days to cook it up. Vince informs Shawn that he’s fired, so Michaels superkicks and tea-bags him until the Corporation chases him off.
Final tally:
4 Maneuvers
1 Hardcore DQ
1 Hardcore Rope Break