WWF Raw – December 7th, 1998 – New Haven Coliseum – New Haven, CT
WWF Raw starts off with a recap of last week’s happenings, including Austin and Kane’s involuntary commitment and sewer dumping of Undertaker and Paul Bearer, respectively. The clips suggest this was done solely in response to Taker hitting Austin with a shovel, ignoring the kidnapping and attempt to replace Austin’s blood with formaldehyde. Michael Cole calls Austin’s match this Sunday, “the match of his life”; one might argue that his WrestleMania 14 match was more important, but he wouldn’t have died if he’d lost that one.
Tonight, Austin and Mankind face The Undertaker and The Rock. Cue the WWF Raw intro.
You won’t find ashes of the late great champs! It’s time for WWF Raw.
D-Generation X opens the show, minus the New Age Outlaws, who are being courted by the McMahons (professionally). Tonight is a landmark night, as Jerry Lawler has now flipped his switch on Chyna, deeming her hot. I think it’s the recent jaw surgery and dominatrix gear that did it.
Triple H calls out the New Age Outlaws for allegedly not having sufficient testicles to tell him they were going corporate. The Outlaws promptly appear in suits sipping tiny water bottles. Then again, both men are surprisingly tall, so maybe the waters are normal-sized. “The Road Dogg and Billy drinking bottled water!?” notes an incredulous Michael Cole. Next thing you know, Triple H will start drinking bottled water!
Road Dogg introduces the team as the New Corporate Outlaws, consisting of Road Dogg, Esquire and Billy Gunn, Inc. While none of these new names makes any sense, the message is clear. Their fans are clearly disappointed, with one woman ripping the “A” off her custom New Age Outlaws tube top.
The New Corporate Outlaws introduce Commissioner Michaels, who claims to be the sole founder of D-X who turned Triple H into a somebody. In response, Hunter says he carried HBK when he had no business being champion (i.e. because he was injured and high). Michaels retaliates by putting HHH and X-Pac in an anything-goes match with Ken Shamrock and the Bossman; X-Pac makes the “jerk-off” motion in Shawn’s face during the announcement.
WWF Raw returns with DX in their locker room; during tonight’s tag match, Chyna is assigned fend off Shawn Michaels, Billy Gunn, and/or Road Dogg.
Jeff Jarrett is here with Debra to face D’Lo Brown (who enters to his new “I think you better recognize” theme. Last night on Heat, Jarrett agreed to Goldust’s challenge of a striptease match, despite there being no upside. If he wins, he has to see Goldust strip nude. If he loses, his girlfriend has to strip nude (or “show us her Tasty Kakes”). The announcers lick their chops thinking about Debra stripping this Sunday before Michael Cole does an abrupt tonal shift, acknowledging the death of Jim Ross’s mother this weekend.
D’Lo hits a precarious running powerbomb on Jeff, garnering a big pop, a replay, and a declaration of “What a maneuver!” by Michael Cole. Goldust then comes to ringside in a trench coat and exposes himself to Debra. D’Lo takes advantage of the distraction to roll up Jarrett, over whom he already had the upper hand anyway, for the 1-2-3. Goldust then opens his coat once more on his way back up the ramp, but cameras cut away.
Backstage, Austin has a candid conversation with tony Garea, but the only thing intelligible is when he says he’s a little pissed off.
WWF super-nerds George and Adam play beatniks in a commercial for WWF Attitude fragrance.
Last week, Vince McMahon spoke to students at 900-year-old Oxford University.
The Headbangers come to the ring. According to Cole, the Bangers have kicked the Insane Clown Posse to the curb just two weeks after the ICP’s heel turn. They face The Brood, the followers of a “gothic lifestyle” who hope to go an entire week without getting punked out.
Gangrel starts the match with his drink dripping down his chin. Jerry Lawler asks Cole what “that stuff” is, and Cole replies, insightfully, that “it’s some kind of red substance”. Edge and Gangrel hit a double-DDT off the second rope, prompting Cole to once again say, “What a maneuver!” A little while later, the Headbangers hit Edge with a double flapjack; Edge kicks out of the subsequent pin before Luna pulls Mosh out of the ring. This leads to a whole parade of freaks, starting with Babu and Tiger Ali Singh who scrap with Luna, followed by the Oddities who back up Luna and dance to their ICP music.
Backstage, Mick Foley talks to and caresses a pile of steel chairs.
The WWF Rewind, presented by Glover, is Paul Bearer getting dropped down the sewer last week on WWF Raw.
Cameras catch Vince McMahon giving marching orders to Paul Bearer ahead of Rock and Undertaker’s tag team match tonight.
Owen Hart, who last night on Heat vowed to come out of retirement at Rock Bottom (to face Steve Blackman), returns to the ring six days earlier. He faces Goldust, whom he wrestles with a suspicious lack of ring rust.
The announcers generally ignore the in-ring action to discuss this Sunday’s Buried Alive match. According to Lawler, Vince McMahon has said there’s “no chance in hell” that Austin will ever become champion, but Stone Cold still has a sliver of hope if he can win Sunday, then win the Royal Rumble. Still, it’s a big risk for both Austin and The Undertaker: Win and you get to battle 29 other men for a title shot. Lose and you die.
Jerry and Michael finally take note when Debra walks down in a trench coat of her own and flashes Goldust. However, it’s Owen Hart who is most distracted; Goldust rolls him up for the victory.
A video package airs of the WWF’s trip to London, where Sable asked, “Fancy a fling, guys?” Supposedly. Last night, the WWF Superstars wrestled at the UK-exclusive Capital Carnage pay-per-view, then apparently jetted off to America for Sunday Night Heat.
Val Venis and Godfather come to the ring with two ladies. Godfather and Val have formed what Michael Cole calls a union, but he’d better not let Val hear that word! After a noticeable edit, Godfather says that “this town” has some great hos. Clearly, the WWF doesn’t want to say where exactly they are (New Haven, for the record). Godfather then offers a free ho to any member of the audience, an offer taken up by a short and squat pervert. In fact, “Bob” gets both women for the night.
With that business out of the way, Val and Godfather face The Acolytes. The match consists entirely of brawling outside the ring until the referee rings the bell. If I told you that in two years’ time, one of these teams will end up with merch reading, “Always pounding ass”, you’d be extremely confused. But eventually, you’d probably guess it was Godfather and Venis.
Stone Cold Steve Austin is seen walking through the parking garage, but alas, WWF Raw goes to commercial!
The JVC Kaboom of the Week is Steve Austin’s shovel attack on The Undertaker from last week.
Steve Austin kicks off WWF Raw’s second hour, surprisingly referencing the attempted embalming that the replays have ignored all night. He is interrupted by The Undertaker’s music; the lights go out, the Undertaker’s voice comes on, and a big… uh, symbol appears in front of the Titantron. Taker says he will sacrifice Stone Cold to the Ministry of Darkness at Buried Alive. Lightning then sets the crucifix-like symbol on fire. I know we’re not there yet in the storyline, but my bet is that Dick Murdoch is the Higher Power.
WWF Raw returns with Mankind carrying a garbage bag, saying something about Austin saying they weren’t friends. Jerry Lawler, ever up on the trends, links it to that new movie, Psycho. The shot-for-shot 1998 remake, that is.
Steve Blackman faces Tiger Ali Singh, who attacks him before the bell with a flag pole. Blackman fights back by kicking Tiger’s ass for the entire match and pinning him. His celebration is crashed by the Blue Blazer, who “trips” on his way to the ring. Blackman starts pounding the Blazer before Owen Hart makes the save and locks Steve in a dragon sleeper. “I’m the lethal weapon!” yells Hart.
Before WWF Raw goes to break, Mankind wanders into Stone Cold’s dressing room.
This month’s Rolling Stone magazine features Jewel! Oh, and also Stone Cold Steve Austin. Plus, future NWA owner, Billy Corgan.
Mark Henry, sharing D’Lo’s “I think you better recognize” music, faces Road Warrior Droz. Jerry Lawler casts doubt on Droz’s motivations, bringing up Hawk’s “fall” a few weeks ago. Michael Cole calls it a “tragic suicide attempt”. Strangely, they can say, “suicide” but not “vampire” or “blood”.
Mark Henry falls out of the ring charging at Droz, who roughs him up outside the ring for a minute and a half (rolling in and out of the ring twice to break up the ref’s nonexistent count). Finally, Chyna comes to the ring. “Whoa!” says Lawler. “Nice cheeks.”
Michael Cole clarifies that Chyna, having settled her lawsuit with Mark Henry, doesn’t owe him anything. Then he speculates that she’s at ringside because she feels she owes Mark Henry something. Indeed, Chyna refuses to take a cheap shot at Mark, then punches Droz when he gets in her face. Sexual Chocolate slams Droz for the three-count.
Another sneaky cameraman catches the New Age Outlaws chatting backstage with the Corporate Team before WWF Raw goes to commercial.
Bossman and Ken Shamrock now wrestle X-Pac and triple H, who wears new, shiny tights. The anything-goes match soon devolves into a street fight (a completely different type of match, for the record), with Hunter and Ken fighting on the ramp. The announcers figure tags are optional, too, but referee Mike Chioda soon sends Triple H back to his corner.
Shawn Michaels saunters to the ring with the Outlaws, who Jerry Lawler thinks will defend their titles against X-Pac and Triple H on Sunday. The New Corporate Outlaws cheer on Shamrock and Bossman. Shamrock locks X-Pac in a front facelock. “Look at this maneuver”, says Cole, which is still better commentary than the Bob Saget-like voice Lawler does to imitate Mankind.
All four men end up in the ring before Shawn low-bridges X-Pac, sending him flying over the top rope. HBK then gives Ken Shamrock a chair to hit X-Pac, but Billy Gunn takes it so he can do the honors. Instead, he smacks Shamrock right in the skull with it, casuing a disqualification. Shawn Michaels is livid that the Outlaws faked a Corporate turn, but it was pretty obvious. I mean, those suits come right off!
Before WWF Raw goes to commercial, Mankind is seen leaving Stone Cold’s locker room smiling. But is he really smiling, or just trying to fit his tongue through the hole under his lip?
D-X has a big laugh in their dressing room about their big swerve. Shawn Michaels, says the King, is pulling his hair out right now. I’d hang on to it if I were Shawn!
Stone Cold now enters his own locker room, apparently having missed Mankind’s appearance. Austin opens the garbage bag to find a note from Mankind and some beer. “Stupid bastard,” says Austin, affectionately.
Mankind starts the main event solo until Austin arrives fashionably late. All four men fight on the ramp, then at ringside right in front of the announce table. The post-production editors have tried their best not to show Jim Ross (seated at ringside when this episode was taped last week), but there’s an occasional slip.
As the fight devolves into a wrestling match, Rock and Taker build heat by isolating Mankind. Foley manages to kick out of the Corporate Elbow but falls victim to the Rock Bottom. Austin breaks up The Rock’s pin attempt but gets sidelined by Undertaker. Ken Shamrock and Bossman then run in and cuff Mankind to the rope, leading to a disqualification.
Austin and Taker battle through the crowd before Stone Cold nearly chokes out the Undertaker with a cable. Taker escapes by hitting Austin with the ring bell, then a chair (to which Jim Ross, whose voice is picked up by the camera’s microphones, says “good God!”), and carries Austin up the ramp. Steve’s trunks are filthy thanks to the brawling on the arena floor.
The druid music hits, and three druids help fix Stone Cold to the Undertaker’s symbol, which they then raise up. “I’ve never seen anything like this in my life,” says Lawler, who has never seen a stained glass window.
The Undertaker theme and the druid theme play simultaneously. On top of the resulting cacophony, The Undertaker once again vows over the PA to bury Austin alive. He’s not wearing a microphone and his lips aren’t moving, which can mean only one thing: magic!
Final tally:
3 Maneuvers (as called by Michael Cole)
1 Symbol
0 Crosses