WWF Raw — September 14th, 1998 — San José Arena — San José, CA
Steve Austin arrives with his Smoking Skull belt to open, joining Vince McMahon, Undertaker, and Kane, who are already in the ring. Tonight’s WWF Raw is live for the first time since before SummerSlam. In fact, it’s so live, there’s no opening theme.
Vince McMahon guarantees, as he has before, that Steve Austin will lose the WWF title to either Kane or The Undertaker on “Sunday night, September twenty-seven”. And in return for granting the Brothers of Destruction a title shot, Kane and Taker will protect him from Stone Cold. McMahon also adds a new stipulation to the Triple Threat title match wherein Kane and the Undertaker are not allowed to score a fall on each other, turning this glorified handicap match into an actual handicap match. But, Vince reminds Austin, he didn’t screw Steve Austin—Steve Austin did. That’s Montreal Screwjob reference #1 from Mr. McMahon. I’ll keep a tally.
Austin predictably pounds on the boss, but his new bodyguards quickly tear him away and put the boots to him. The brothers double-chokeslam the champion before Vince drops to the canvas and gets in Stone Cold’s face like Austin always does with him. Kane then raises his arms and drops them to set off his pyro, but he’s too early, and nothing happens. Ten seconds later, his music playing, the Big Red Machine does it again but successfully.
On the ramp, Undertaker grabs the mic and tells Austin that it’s nothing personal, while McMahon tells the champion that he’ll be defending tonight against Ken Shamrock (who issued the challenge last night on Heat). Stone Cold might not even make it to September twenty-seven!
When WWF Raw returns, Steve Austin is tossing furniture backstage, while Road Dogg encourages viewers to butt-dial no one in particular. Billy Gunn, meanwhile, shows off his new beaded braids, which Jerry Lawler compares to Venus Williams. Jim Ross seizes the opportunity to make another dig at the US Open and its supposed low ratings. X-Pac, who lost a lumberjack match last night on Heat to Jeff Jarrett, is in tow as well.
Jeff Jarrett himself enters, accompanied by Southern Justice and a guitar reading, “Don’t P*ss Me Off”. Don’t pass me off? Some footage of Road Dogg as Jarrett’s roadie airs to bring any fans who were tuned out in 1995 (that is, most of them) up to speed on their shared history.
Jarrett attacks the Dogg before the bell but his former roadie soon recovers. The D-O-Double-G and Double J then take turns targeting each other’s balls in the form of an inverted atomic drop and a mule kick to the groin (the former of which is legal for some reason). Road Dogg breaks the tie by avoiding a guillotine splash on the second rope. Southern Justice then drags Road Dogg out of the ring, sparking a brawl with DX that sees Billy Gunn hit Dennis Knight with the guitar. Jarrett still salvages it by hitting Road Dogg in the throat with the guitar head, then pinning him. “Double J Who?” says Jarrett, who last year declared that Stone Cold Steve Austin would forever be known as The Ringmaster.
Jerry Lawler is jacked up (that’s “up”) for WWF Raw’s first-ever evening gown match between Sable and Jacqueline; in his excitement, he mistakenly says one woman will lose her nightgown. At the rate the Attitude Era is going, there will be such a match by year’s end.
WWF Raw returns to a scene of Road Dogg being loaded into an ambulance. As the tag team champion struggles to breathe, Commissioner Slaughter butts in, then gets an earful from an emotional Billy Gunn. The seriousness of the situation is undercut slightly by Gunn’s ridiculous hairstyle.
Kane, accompanied by The Undertaker, comes to the ring to face The Rock. Just imagine: one of these men will be the next WWF champion (but it’s not one of the big guys) Backstage, Rocky gives orders to each member of the Nation (besides The Godfather, who’s still out of action from the Brawl For All). But The Rock gets so much pushback, he decides to bench the other guys and go it alone.
Rocky smacks Kane around, but the Big Red Machine doesn’t stay down long. Kane delivers two bodyslams (which could have easily been tombstones, but Rock’s energy bar wasn’t red yet) and a flying clothesline to his increasingly popular opponent. Rocky’s cheer grow even louder after he puts Kane down with a floatover DDT, then hits him with about ten right hands. Finally, Kane tries the tombstone but accidentally knocks Rock into the ref; his opponent slips out and hits the People’s Elbow.
The good times don’t last, though, as The Undertaker steps in and manhandles Rock. This distraction allows Mankind to step in and hit Kane in the back with a sledgehammer. Undertaker goes chasing after Mankind, allowing The Rock to cover Kane for the three-count. After the match, Kane struggles to do his daily crunches, and Undertaker challenges Mankind to one final match (which will involve at least one sledgehammer).
Backstage, Mankind accepts Undertaker’s challenge, promising a fair, scientific wrestling match-up before smashing the set with his big hammer.
“Folks,” says Dustin Runnels. “Welcome to hell”. The preachy former Goldust says the WWF is stained with bad language, violence, and, most of all, sex (but not literally). Lawler then asks if he means the Ken Starr report. Runnels promises us that “he’s coming”, at which point Val Venis shows up. There’s a joke to be made, but it’s the same joke the WWF has been making throughout this entire feud.
Venis premieres his latest film, The Preacher’s Wife, starring himself and Terri Runnels, despite rumors (according to Jim Ross) of she and Dustin trying to reconcile. Not only is it devastating for Dustin, but it’s bound to scar families across the country looking to rent the Whitney Houston film. “I guess getting on your knees… runs in the family!” says Venis, who knows a lot about wordplay but very little about heredity. Lawler notes the cigar in Val’s hand in the videotape, which he thinks may be the kind Bill Clinton smokes.
The first vignette airs for Steven Regal, who debuted months ago but hasn’t been on TV since. But instead of being his normal foppish self, he’s out in the forest, decked out in lumberjack gear, cutting down a tree like the man’s man that he is.
Triple H is out now to defend his IC title against Owen Hart, bringing X-Pac, a water bottle, and Chyna with him. Loud chants of “Nugget” get under the skin of Owen, who has Mark Henry in his corner for backup. Owen and Hunter grapple for a few minutes until Hart hits the enzuigiri. After Helmsley kicks out, Hart picks him up, and calls for Triple H to lean forward for a backdrop, which he’ll counter with a neckbreaker. Helmsley then whips Owen to the ropes, leans forward for a backbreaker, but gets countered by an Owen Hart neckbreaker.
Helmsley breaks out of a sleeper hold and goes on the offensive against Owen, whom Jim Ross nearly calls a “nugget” in a “Fraudulent slip” (named for Sigmund Fraud). Owen then hits Trips with the second mule kick to the groin of the evening* and starts putting on the Sharpshooter, only to let it go when a fight breaks out between the seconds. While Mark Henry reels from “Sable’s [sic] right hand]”, Triple H beats Owen with the Pedigree. Triple H then tries unsuccessfully to get yet another woman to take off her top before Mark Henry challenges X-Pac and Chyna (whom he calls his “girlfriend”) to a handicap match.
*the groin of the evening is my new favorite phrase
Backstage, Mankind loads up a dumpster with junk to prep for his match with The Undertaker, which is next. Plus, Ken Shamrock will challenge Steve Austin, who now holds a slightly less out-of-date belt in his stock photo. On paper, tonight’s WWF Raw has a much better card than Breakdown.
WWF Raw returns from commercial for Mankind’s entrance, then cuts away again before coming back for Taker’s entrance. He is accompanied by Kane, who is “walking like he’s got a little catch in his get-along”, says Jim Ross. Shouldn’t he see a proctologist for that?
The Undertaker targets Mankind’s injured hand, smashing it against the ring steps before smashing the ring steps onto them. He’s got his hand on the ring steps and the ring steps on his hand. Kane, meanwhile, watches on, nursing what the King thinks could be a broken collarbone (which JR points out is in the front, not the back, where Mankind hit him).
Mankind’s mask comes off before Taker goes on a sledgehammer rampage that misses Foley every time. Kane chokeslams—or choke-shoves—Foley along the way. Now in the ring, Taker kicks a chair into Foley’s face and tombstones him onto the chair, then turns to the sledgehammer instead of pinning him. The dumpster sits ominously in the background until The Rock pops out of it and chop-blocks the back of Undertaker’s knee. He then tosses Foley over the barricade (for his safety?) and marches away up the ramp, trailed by Taker and Kane.
Gangrel now makes an entrance Lawler claims puts Wesley Snipes to shame now (because he’s a vampire, he means). He faces Edge, who doesn’t drink blood or emerge from hell to enter the ring, but whom Jerry thinks is weirder than Gangrel. Edge rushes through the crowd and takes it to Gangrel, with whom he exchanges a lot of big moves in quick succession.
The announcers take this fast-paced, hard-hitting match as an opportunity to talk about tonight’s other matches; Jim Ross believes that Steve Austin might explode tonight, much like the King will explode during the evening gown match. Lawler actually says this, by the way. Ewww. Even Bill Clinton’s lawyers will be watching that match, he adds.
Edge tries his suicide plancha onto Gangrel, who dodges, sending Edge crashing to the floor. Gangrel DDTs him but both men get counted out. After the match, Gangrel slurps his red liquid and tells Edge that Gangrel’s blood flows through his veins. The statement is both cryptic and garbled thanks to Gangrel’s fangs.
Mark Henry enters alone against Chyna and X-Pac, who are joined by Triple H. The latter shambles around like a gorilla to taunt Mark Henry—even for Triple H, that’s super racist!
Chyna and Mark Henry face off, but X-Pac starts the match for his side. From there, Henry throws X-Pac around, at which time D-Lo Brown comes to the ring for a closer look, as do Southern Justice and Jarrett. The DX team double-suplexes Henry, who recovers soon after. After getting launched with a high, high flapjack, X-Pac tags out to Chyna, who tackles and punches Mark. X-Pac then tags back in and rides Mark’s face. It’s a wrestling move. Finally, Chyna tries a cross body block from the second rope, but Mark Henry catches her, powerslams her, and pins her.
WWF Raw returns for the evening gown match, which, as Jim Ross explains, isn’t sexualized at all because there have been tuxedo matches for men before. To that end, the Pennzoil Rewind is the Howard Finkel-Harvey Wippleman tuxedo match from 1995. Jacqueline faces “the lovely Sable” (as ring announcer Tony Chimel actually calls her) in a match Bill Clinton is probably watching.
Sable starts off with side kicks and tears at Jackie’s straps. She then tackles Jacqueline, who spills out of her top as always. Call it ring psychology, or call it method acting, but it really looks like Jackie is trying not to get stripped. One Sablebomb later, and Sable swipes the dress, leaving Jacqueline in some rather conservative undergarments that Marc Mero covers up anyway.
Cameras zoom in on one woman in the audience (who resembles LPWA’s Terri Power) while Sable celebrates. Sable is about to leave but, kicking off a smut-match tradition, strips herself. “She is proud of her… her physique”, says a bashful Jim Ross, who also notes her great conditioning.
WWF Raw returns for what Jim Ross says is the last segment of the night, the show having fulfilled its commercial obligations. See? All those rapid-fire commercial breaks earlier tonight paid off.
Austin begins the match against Shamrock wearing a t-shirt; Shamrock gets the best of Stone Cold in the first exchange, so Austin takes a quick breather to regroup (and takes off his shirt. He then returns and delivers vertical suplexes, which Ross says are a page out of Shamrock’s playbook. Those patented Shamrock vertical suplexes, which have won him so many UFC fights!
Stone Cold and Shamrock have quite a good match, with great crowd reactions for both men, which means I don’t have much to type. I’ll let you know if Lawler makes another Clinton joke.
On the outside, Austin tries to piledrive the challenger, who back body-drops him to the floor instead. In the ring, Stone Cold kicks out of a patented Shamrock vertical suplex but gets locked into a Boston crab. Austin grabs the ropes, then kicks Shamrock low with a mule kick. The patented WWF Raw mule kick to the groin!
Both men do the double-clothesline double-down spot when Kane and The Undertaker interfere, brawling with the two opponents. Rock and Mankind then come in to even the sides, 4-2. Well, better than even. Austin hits his two Breakdown opponents with a chair as Vince McMahon looks on, stunned. The boss runs backstage while Austin slowly pursues him.
Final tally:
Montreal Screwjob references: 1
Bill Clinton references: 4
Mule kicks to the groin: 3