WWF RAW — November 10th, 1997 — Corel Centre, Ottawa, ON
Too much sun, and not enough grass! It’s WWF Raw, the night after Montreal. So what do you guys want to talk about?
The D-Generation X theme, heard last night for the first time in a promo for the D-Generation X pay-per-view, plays for well over half a minute before Rick Rude finally walks through the curtain. The former IC champion tries asking the fat, out-of-shape Ottawa idiots to shut up, but they keep interrupting him with boos. He introduces the new Federation champion Shawn Michaels, causing fans to chant, “Bulls**t!” (Probably because he doesn’t walk out naked like he promised).
On the way to the ring, Shawn accepts a rose from his lone fan in Ottawa and gives it to Chyna. Michaels, “in many people’s view, robbed he legendary Bret Hart of the WWF championship” last night, says Jim Ross. The Hitman has left the WWF, as Ross understands.
Speaking unbelievably slowly, Shawn says he’s going to “unload on everybody” chanting “We want Bret”, claiming victory over Hart with his own hold in his own country. “The World Wrestling Federation was not big enough for the Heartbreak Kid and Shawn Michaels [sic]”, says the Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels. That’s why he ran the 40-year-old Bret off to the land of the dinosaurs, where his friends “who are not dinosaurs” (such as 38-year-old Kevin Nash and 39-year-old Scott Hall) will beat him up. Shawn slurs some words to Rick Rude, telling him he’s “willing to be a wrestling champion”; Rude interprets for him, clarifying that he will be a fighting champion. Michaels also says he would “never beat up a 52-year-old man”. (And it’s true — he’ll let Hogan beat him at Summerslam 2005)
An angry but sober Ken Shamrock interrupts the diatribe and enters the ring, where Shawn Michaels dares him to string words together. Ken takes the mic, calls D-X a disgrace, and repeatedly questions Chyna’s gender identity, garnering a huge pop each time. Hunter and Shawn leap to her defense, chopping her crotch from behind. Shamrock calls the 38-year-old Rude an old man, but says Shawn has beautiful hair and a sexy chest. Oh, and that he’s going to punch a hole through it (sexiness be damned). Ken then says that, because he has the mic, he’ll decide when he stops talking. Then he stops talking and hands the mic to Shawn, who says he’ll be the one to decide when Ken stops talking. It’s unclear whether either man realizes that Ken has in fact already stopped talking.
Shawn defends Chyna, Rick Rude, and Triple H, the latter of whom Ken didn’t even mention. Just about the only thing he and Shamrock can agree upon, it seems, is that his hair and chest are sexy. Speaking of sexy, Commissioner Slaughter arrives; Shawn calls him “Sgt. Slobber” and says “chin” a lot. Michaels, who nearly forgets Ken Shamrock’s name, gives additional oratory advice to the Sarge. Slaughter then informs Michaels, who has to run to the other side of the ring to retrieve his belt, that he has a “World Federation [sic] championship” match against Shamrock. A battle of verbal giants, this is not. Shawn wants to know when this title match will take place, which Slaughter ignores, repeating his open-ended statement. Michaels nonetheless assumes the title match is scheduled for tonight and tries to back out, but the Commissioner says it will in fact be Triple H wrestling Shamrock tonight (with the rest of D-X banned from ringside).
A promo airs for the Survivor Series encore, with post-event footage of Bret Hart destroying monitors. The text calls it his final match and poses the question, “What made him snap?”
Sable is here (with Marc Mero) to watch that guy wrestle Ahmed Johnson. Ahmed controls the early going, shrieking along with his offense, until Mero takes a powder. After re-grouping, Mero knocks down Ahmed with jabs (and the cameraman with a bounce off the ropes). Johnson quickly turns the tied back with a scissor kick and the same really weak spinebuster he’s been executing recently. Johnson sets Mero up for the Pearl River Plunge but gets distracted by Sable, who stands on the floor and waves. Marc plunges his fist into Ahmed’s pearls, drawing a disqualification. After the match, Mero attempts his TKO on the 315-pounder but just sort of shrugs him to the mat.
At ringside, Butterbean rates the design of his sweater on a scale of 1 to 10.
Now it’s time for some tournament action! Karate Fighters, that is. This week, Dok Hendrix faces “Shrimp Scampi”, otherwise known as Mascarita Sagrada (and Nova). They control Razor Jaw and Sun Warrior, respectively. Vin McManequin [sic] and Jumbo Jim (Bruce Prichard) call the fight, which is won by the luchador. Scampi thus advances to the second round. For full coverage of the competition, read the induction.
As for that other tournament, the one for the Light Heavyweight title, Taka Michinoku faces the future Crowbar, Devon Storm. Gone from the bracket is Jerry Lynn, who has been replaced by Scott Taylor. Sunny is here to do the introductions, accepting a teddy (bear) from a fan along the way. The bleach-blond Storm strikes Taka before the bell, but Michinoku gains the upper hand when Devon turns his back and points to his brain. This match will test the stamina of Storm, who won his only other WWF Raw match in under a minute.
On commentary, Brian Christopher debuts a brand-new mispronunciation of Taka’s name, although Mr. “Michi-no-shoe” is clearly wearing footwear. Taka kicks out of a Death Valley Driver, then dodges a top-rope moonsault. The biggest pop of the match comes when Sunny briefly appears on the Titantron. A close second is when Taka dropkicks an interfering Brian Christopher, then beats Storm with his finisher. Michinoku thus advances to face Águila, whose name Jim Cornette has learned to pronounce. But the biggest winner of all is the cameraman, who receives suggestive glances from Sunny.
Goldust joins Jim Ross for an interview. The Bizarre One is sporting silver chandelier earrings and the letters “FU” on his face. It stands for, of course, Forever Unchained. Also, he has devil horns painted on his hair. Also, he’s smoking a cigar and wearing a gold smoking jacket. Also, his face is painted black with red lips.
Goldust explains that right after he broke free of his father’s control, he slipped right under Marlena’s control, never getting to be himself. But during Marlena’s absence, he found someone who enables his complete artistic expression. The camera zooms in on a confused, bald fan in an ugly sweater. It’s Butterbean.
As Jim Ross starts to show stills from Survivor Series, where Goldust walked out on Team USA, Vader arrives and yells a lot. The Mastodon demands Goldust tell him why he walked out. It’s because he had a broken hand, says Goldust. Duh. But Dust had told Vader before the match that he was ready, so Vader doesn’t buy that excuse and powerbombs Goldust nearly out of his loafers.
Michael Cole is in the locker room where there is chaos. No, it’s not another unsolved hate crime; it’s future colleague Bradshaw yelling a lot. Blackjack Windham is down, the victim of a two-on-one attack.
In a Slam Jam segment for the New York market, Dok Hendrix promotes a stacked MSG card, featuring Vader (w/ George Steele) against Triple H, the LOD vs. Bulldog & Owen, and Bret Hart vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Undertaker vs. Stone Cold in the first ever Fatal Four Way match. None of those matches will take place. At least the Faarooq vs. Ahmed Johnson match will actually happen.
In a commercial for new Jakks figures, Stone Cold asks his plastic likeness whether he’s ready to crunch some bones, then puts him in the ring with Vince McMahon’s figure.
The two mid-sized Truth Commission guys face the Headbangers, who wave in the DOA as back-up. For some unfathomable reason, Jim Ross reminds viewers of last night’s dreadful Truth Commission-DOA match. Recon and Mosh, the future Bull Buchanan and Beaver Cleavage, respectively, start off the match. On commentary, the Jackyl boasts about using his intellect to guide his mental inferiors through the savage garden of our society. He then jumps onto the ring apron but gets bumped right off by the Headbangers, then returns to the announce desk.
Thrasher tags Mosh back in after collapsing and headbutting Sniper in the groin. Recon, or as JR calls him, Sniper, also tags back in. In a failed double-team move, Recon takes down Sniper after Mosh moves out of the way. This allows the Headbangers to flapjack Recon, then powerbomb each other onto him for the victory. The Truthers and the Disciples storm the ring for a pull-apart brawl, suggesting this feud will continue (hopefully on Shotgun).
Too much John, and not enough Scott! It’s time for the WarZone. Stone Cold arrives with the Intercontinental belt and bumps Michael Cole out of the way as he poses in the corner. Normally Vince McMahon would be conducting this interview, but he’s not here tonight for whatever reason. Rocky Maivia interrupts the interview and challenges Austin for the title, so Stone Cold challenges him to get a decent haircut. As for the title match, Austin says he’s on.
The three non-Savio Boricuas are in the ring when WWF Raw returns. Meanwhile, Steve Blackman, the fan who jumped the rail last week and ended up wrestling at Survivor Series, speaks with Jim Ross at ringside. Blackman says he’s not familiar with the WWF’s rules, which is why he got counted out. However, he does hold victories over David Sammartino and Mike Sharpe, but if I’d spent the past eight years recovering from malaria, I’d forget a lot, too. Miguel Perez interrupts his interview, sparking a fight between Blackman and the trio, which Blackman wins.
Backstage, Michael Cole interviews the Road Dog and “Mr. A-Double-Crooked-Letter”. He questions how they can go through with their Bunkhouse Brawl against the Blackjacks when one of their opponents is injured. Intrepid journalist that he is, he still can’t put two and two together and figure out who sidelined Barry Windham in the first place.
The Road-Asses bring trash cans and shovels to the ring, but Bradshaw strikes first with powder to Billy’s eyes. Bradshaw gets to “taking fanny and taking some names”, whacking his fellow future Hardcore champions with trash can lids and furniture. He then delivers a hard chair shot to the head of Road Dog, who pops up seconds later. That’s either a good sign, or a very bad sign that he’s too loopy to remember to sell.
Billy DDTs Bradshaw out of the corner onto a chair, then dogpiles him with Road Dog to win abruptly by pinfall.
Jeff Jarrett’s pre-taped interview series continues this week after getting bumped the week before. Jarrett says, despite his big new contract, he’s a bargain for the WWF because of his youth, experience, and clean urine. His goal is to be the greatest WWF champion ever. Ross asks Jarrett how he’d fare against Bret Hart. This interview is more than two weeks old. Jarrett says he could beat Bret now (especially when there’s no William Shatner around).
As for Survivor Series, Jarrett predicts Shawn Michaels will win. Again, this interview is more than two weeks old. Ross then rattles off a list of names one by one; Jarrett has good things to say about a lot of them, including Randy Savage and Hulk Hogan. However, he says Eric Bischoff was in the right place at the right time, and that Triple H is a “tagalong”. I didn’t know Hunter was Filipino!
Michael Cole speaks with Butterbean, whose responses are almost inaudible thanks to Marc Mero’s theme music playing over the PA. Marc questions the caliber of Butterbean’s opponents and boxing skill while warning him not to touch or look at Sable. Mero says he could beat Butterbean, who stares incredulously, in four rounds or less.
After the two are separated, Cole continues his interview, doubting that Butterbean was even looking at Sable. Butterbean, in his comically high, Curly-like voice, admits that, yeah, of course he was looking at Sable because “she’s an attractive lady”. That doesn’t mean he wants to cheat on his wife with her, though.
Kama faces his old nemesis, The Undertaker, who is wrestling for the first time since Badd Blood. The Undertaker controls the match at the outset until Kama, who’s nearly as tall as Taker, backs him into a corner and punches him out. Taker fights back with a chokeslam, then clotheslines Kama out of the ring before the lights go out.
Kane walks out with Paul Bearer, who calls Taker, “Zombie” and demands a one-on-one match between the two. Undertaker tells Paul to shut up, then tries to reason with Kane. Paul Bearer has poisoned his mind, alleges Taker; according to Kane’s biography, however, Bearer has merely poisoned his Gatorade. The Undertaker wants to join forces with his brother, not fight him. Kane doesn’t answer, of course, but summons more fire and walks away. So do Kama and the referee, apparently. (Walk away, not summon fire)
For tonight’s main event, Rick Rude introduces the snowbound sweathogs to “the future of professional wrestling”, Triple H. No longer using “Ode to Joy”, Hunter and the rest of D-X come out to their new, Rage Against The Machine-esque theme song. However, Commissioner Slaughter orders all but Helmsley back to the dressing room. Though Helmsley faces Shamrock tonight, Shawn Michaels will face him at the next pay-per-view, says Jim Ross, answering the question Slaughter ignored earlier tonight.
At the outset of the match, Shamrock drags Hunter up the ramp and back, then grounds and punches him in the back of the head. Helmsley cuts off Ken’s momentum with a facebreaker and DDT before fans chant “We Want Bret” (in vain, as Ross points out). Jerry Lawler says Bret Hart will be making $3 million a year at his new place of work. That is, unless the contract is only a short-term ploy to keep him away from the competition that the company has no intention of honoring — but what kind of two-bit carny promoter would do such a thing? Hunter gets in Sarge’s face while Rick Rude returns to ringside before the last commercial break.
Shamrock breaks free of a chin lock after the commercial, but is quickly grounded again with a kitchen sink. Hunter hits the phantom knee drop, then rams Ken into the steps as fans chant for Bret Hart again. Jim Ross puts over Shamrock’s performance last night at Survivor Series, as well as Bret Hart’s “tremendous 21-year career”. That’s very classy of Ross, so of course Lawler brings up Hart’s money again to paint WCW’s stars as greedy.
Rick Rude, who has somehow avoided ejection since the commercial break, steps onto the apron with his briefcase. Slaughter immediately pulls him down. Hunter then punches the referee, allowing Chyna to run to the ring. Slaughter again springs into action, grabbing Chyna before she can break up Shamrock’s ankle lock. Triple H taps out, but no one is there to hear it, so it doesn’t make a sound. With the Commissioner’s hands full, Rude tosses his briefcase to Shawn Michaels, who hits Shamrock in the back. Triple H covers Shamrock for the 1.. 2… Goodnight, everybody! WWF Raw goes off the air with the outcome of its main event unknown.
For the record, Ken Shamrock kicked out, then pinned Shawn Michaels. Yes, he was wrestling Triple H.