Induction: TNA on Family Feud: We asked a hundred has-beens what kind of job they wanted in TNA. No, wait, that was Hulk Hogan.

44 Submitted by on Thu, 27 June 2013, 19:00

Family Feud is no stranger to the world of wrestling. In the past, they have hosted shows featuring performers from the WWF, WCW, GLOW, and even the WBF. Ray Combs, who took over for Richard Dawson, made numerous appearances at WWF events, and 1993′s Survivor Series even featured a “Family Feud Match” between the Hart family and Jerry Lawler’s masked knights (although, given the infamous allegations that caused Lawler to drop out, it perhaps should have been called, “The Wild & Crazy Kids Match”). In 2010, Family Feud decided to devote an entire week to TNA Wrestling, which is several orders of magnitude longer than any wrestling fan did during the ill-fated Monday Night War that year.

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The premise of Family Feud is that contestants must guess popular answers given by 100 people in response to survey questions. In the final round, two members of the winning team each give quick answers to five such questions in an effort to earn “Fast Money.”

When watching Family Feud, it’s a safe bet that you can guess the number one answer with 33% accuracy before you even hear the question. If it’s not breasts, it’s penis or testicles. Of course, you’re not supposed to think of those naughty answers, wink wink, given innocuous questions like, “Name a reason a man may have trouble paying attention when talking to a woman” or “Name a famous one-eyed monster.” I may have made that last one up. Anyway, most of the show’s humor is derived from people giving the obvious risqué answers to questions, then having Steve Harvey pretend to be shocked and chagrined and wonder if the show will get pulled of the air.

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The Feud’s producers must not have thought much of wrestling fans, though, as they kicked off TNA week with a question that made the aforementioned items seem downright subtle in comparison. Contestants were asked to name something women do to make their busts look larger. Astonishingly, Matt Morgan beat Angelina Love to the buzzer and got the male team (Morgan, Mick Foley, Mr. Anderson, Jay Lethal, and Rob Van Dam) to field their answers.  TFF-02
 TFF-03 All was well until Mr. Anderson answered, “Get pregnant.”
Astonishingly, the resident experts known as the Knockouts (Love, Velvet Sky, Lacey von Erich, Tara, and Christie Hemme) were unable to field an answer given by the survey respondents, thus awarding the points to the male wrestlers. TFF-04 
TFF-05 This, for the record, was the complete answer board.
Like clockwork, the next question revolved around testicles, asking contestants to name something a squirrel does with his nuts. Hey-o! The guys managed to steal from the Knockouts (much like TNA management with their miniscule payouts for female wrestlers) and take the points. And wouldn’t you know, a few wise guys in the survey responded, “scratch them.” TFF-06
TFF-07 Steve Harvey was, as mandated by his contract, flabbergasted.
When asked for something people have trouble holding onto, Mr. Anderson responded with, “a job” before adding, “especially when suplexing that prima donna Randy Orton in a Raw main event.” kennedy orton
TFF-08 No one said “penis” or “breasts,” a fact that may have legitimately astounded Harvey.
When asked about something a mansion might have a dozen of, one member of the men’s team rang in with “gardeners.” Any guesses on who that botanically-minded wrestler might have been? TFF-09
TFF-10 The guys swept the girls on day one and were greeted by SoCal Val, who claimed to be in the lobby with “all the fans from the Impact Zone.” The camera panned out to reveal literally eight people. She must have meant “all the fans willing to pay to get into the Impact Zone.”
Mick Foley and Jay Lethal played the Fast Money Round with $20,000 at stake. I’m assuming that the money would go to charity; I’m just wondering if “TNA wrestlers who aren’t friends of Hulk Hogan” was a registered non-profit. TFF-11
TFF-12 Worth noting is that Mr. Anderson was wearing a shirt depicting a donkey (or “ass”) with a hole in it. It was good to see that nine years after Dusty Rhodes and his trusty burro Silver Dollar, donkey-related puns were as amusing as ever.
Speaking of amusing as ever, Day 2 kicked off with the following survey question: “Name a part of your body on which you’d hate to get a wart.” Gee, I wonder what they’re getting at here? Lacey von Erich took the bait, responding, “Your genitals.”
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steve is shocked The editors must have cut out the part where she added, “again.”
Christy Hemme’s answer of “chest” yielded no points, which is too bad, because I think this exact question was asked of Hemme and company in the Diva Search. TFF-98
TFF-14 Next, the teams were asked to name something they might slide down. Whuh-oh! Angelina Love took the relatively classy route and answered, “a pole.”

“Name something people get caught in.”

Good thing Hogan wasn’t here, lest we hear the Hulkster say, “sex tape with your best friend’s wife.”

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“Name something you’d want to be near on an airplane.”

No doubt to the surprise of Ric Flair, no one said Ric Flair’s genitals. You would think that a question like this couldn’t possibly be made bawdy, but then Lacey answered, “a hot guy” and came on to Steve about “hot chocolate.”

SoCal Val made another appearance with the same eight TNA fans. Was TNA bribing its fans with airfare to LA and a week-long hotel stay just to show up for Impact tapings? TFF-17 
TFF-18 After two episodes, both teams had managed to nearly win the Fast Money round with 200 points, only to just fail to get over. Surprisingly, Bischoff and Hogan didn’t immediately replace the players with the Nasty Boys and Jimmy Hart.

“Name something men wear that women think is sexy.”

Who’d be the one to answer, “nothing at all”? That would be Velvet, but she got no points for it. Stupid sexy Flanders.

stupid sexy flanders
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#7 was “Victory Road ’09″

“Name another word for stink.”

The guys had an unfair advantage here, as having a direct view of the Knockouts across the room was itself a visual cue.

“Name a place where people aren’t shy about making out in public.”

“The grocery store,” said Lacey. That wasn’t a top answer, but it did raise a few more questions.

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“Name something an inconsiderate person will hog from others.”

Good thing this was TNA and not WWE, as I’m pretty sure Batista would have answered, “Melina.”

The TNA stars were three shows in, and they still had yet to win the $20,000 on any of the episodes. To make up the difference in revenue, TNA had to schedule another year’s worth of pay-per-views. TFF-22
TFF-23 At this point, I should mention the Family Feud title belt on display on the center podium. I’m not sure if that was another of those extraneous championships TNA was making around the time, akin to the International Title and the Knockouts Tag Team Title.
With only two shows left to scrounge up some cash, the contestants answered questions on sexy fruits for women, things of yours that are dirty, and things your new boyfriend might confess to you (“He has an STD,” said Lacey. Again, more questions than answers). steve is shocked

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What did end up on the scoreboard looked like a Knockout’s daily training schedule.

“Name something some people do frequently and others, not at all.”

“Job, brother,” said an unidentified voice backstage. Not on the list: “watch Impact.” Nobody does that frequently.

“Name something you might find in the trunk of a criminal’s car.”

RVD opted for, “a body,” rather than, “18 grams of marijuana and five Vicodin pills.”

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TFF-26 Day 4 once again yielded no $20,000 prize. On the plus side, RVD’s contractually obligated number of appearances hadn’t yet run out, so he could return for the fifth and final day. Do you think these Feud appearances counted towards his quota? Because I can’t think of any other way that TNA could have let their champion’s contract run out mid-title reign.
“Name an animal not stupid enough to hire Hogan and Bischoff to run a company with its money.”
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jordan lotion After their fifth consecutive day on the Feud, the wrestlers and Knockouts had managed to win the Fast Money round exactly zero times. While the few hundred dollars they did earn each episode might have dwarfed their average paydays, the sports-entertainers’ poor showing didn’t do much for their company’s image. If TNA needed to show a nationwide audience that they were out of touch with what Americans think, they could have just stuck with having Orlando Jordan squirt himself with lotion on Impact.
The two teams of Total Nonstop Action were, however, granted $10,000 each in pity money, which would help them pay the costs of airfare, life-saving surgeries, and whatever else their TNA contracts didn’t cover. TFF-28

 

That still wouldn’t cover the embarrassment of consistently losing even after five days of practice, though. If I could think of one survey question to sum up this week of Family Feud, it would be, “Name something that the TNA wrestlers walked away with tucked between their legs.”

Lacey: “Their junk!”

Steve: “Ooooooooh my goodness. This is a family show, Lacey! We’re gonna get thrown off the air! Let’s see ‘their junk’! Is it up there?”

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Steve: “Number one answer! What is wrong with these people!? Have mercy.”

Written by

A wrestling fan ever since the days of Wrestlemania IX, Art graduated from college in the same building where Art Donovan called King of the Ring 1994. He currently runs the "How Much Does This Guy Weigh?" blog, where he reviews New Generation-Era Monday Night Raws and Hasbro WWF figures.
44 Responses to "Induction: TNA on Family Feud: We asked a hundred has-beens what kind of job they wanted in TNA. No, wait, that was Hulk Hogan."
  1. Down With OPC says:

    Ooh boy, I wanted to watch this when it was originally on, but TNA failed to inform me about it.

  2. Lee W says:

    If his performance on The Weakest Link was anything to go by I dare say that TNA would have been thanking their lucky stars that Booker T had departed the company before this happened

    • AdamX says:

      Booker T and company on the first Weakest Link was one of my favorite post Attitude Era memories ever.

      Austin would’ve stunned them all if he were permitted I’m sure.

      • Lee W says:

        p.s. this is coming from an Australian where both of the aforementioned shows have been complete and utter failures on numerous occasions

  3. Stuart Robertson says:

    Job, brother… LOL

  4. Eric Hinkle says:

    “1993′s Survivor Series even featured a “Family Feud Match” between the Hart family and Jerry Lawler’s masked knights (although, given the infamous allegations that caused Lawler to drop out, it perhaps should have been called, “The Wild & Crazy Kids Match”).”

    Okay, I’m out of the loop. What ‘infamous allegations’ caused Lawler to drop out>

    And my parents used to watch Family Feud back in the 70′s. I thought it was dopey back then, but compared to this version? We’re talking the difference between Flair versus Steamboat and the Gobbeldy Gooker.

    • Bob says:

      How to put this tactfully. Let’s just say it involved a certain King that may have been charged with gimmick infringement from a certain breakfast cereal..

    • ScMcS says:

      Lawler was accused of raping a 15 or 16 year old girl a week or two before the PPV, and was removed from television until WM X. It turned out to be a bogus accusation, from what I can gather.

    • CaptainRon says:

      Ask Doug Gilbert.

    • James says:

      More like comparing Flair and Steamboat to Val Venis and the Godfather. When Steve Harvey took over hosting duties, that is when the show got really risque. Granted the ratings are better than ever, but they do go overboard.

      Will we ever see WCW vs. Playboy on Family Feud, with Louie Anderson as host? Some people would say that would be Wrestlecrap AND Game Show Garbage (hi, Robert…) rolled into one. How about the WWE week from John O’Hurley’s run (Ric Flair plays in his robe?!!?). And the WWF “Good” vs. “Evil” week, did we talk about that? (if nothing else, it is a Wrestecrapfest, with Tatanka (Buffalo), Repo Man, Papa Shango, and Kona Crush on opposing teams)

      One memory from the Combs WWF vs. WBF week: I could have sworn the question was, “Name a type of wrestling.” And in the post-mortem coverage of the missed answers, Ray wonders if “fake” wrestling was one of the answers.

  5. Raven7309 says:

    TNA needs to immediately put out a dvd of these “Family Feud” episodes right now, dammit!! :-D
    On another note when did WWE wrestlers appear on “Family Feud”, and was more than one appearance?

    • Dave says:

      I only remember one time, somewhere around 1991 I think. Team WWF consisted of Bobby Heenan, Brian Knobbs, Sensational Sherri, The Mountie and Jimmy Hart. I believe they played against the WBF, though I don’t remember how either team did.

    • Bender says:

      The WWF with Bobby Heenan, Sherri Martel, The Mountie, Jimmy Hart and Brian Knobbs appeared on the Ray Combs feud the week after Wrestlemania VIII. Heenan talks about it during the broadcast and Ray was a special ring announcer during the 8 man tag at Mania. They faced the WBF stars.

  6. Autrach Sejanoz says:

    That “Family Feud Match” could serve as a future induction. Only good things about it were Bobby Heenan’s commentary & Owen’s heel turn afterwards.

    Oh, & LOL at “#7 was Victory Road ’09″. I also would’ve accepted “Victory Road ’11″.

    • Alan says:

      The entire 1993 Survivor Series needs inducted. Not only was Lawler pulled from the event due those accusations, but it wasn’t too long before this PPV aired that Vince was hit with the steroid charges that lead to the 1994 trial, and you could tell from a mlle away that Vince was distracted. Mr. Perfect also dropped out of the opening match & also wouldn’t be back until Wrestlemania X.

      • ScMcS says:

        How does that make the entire card worth inducting? The opener was pretty good, the Family Feud match lead to the Bret/Owen angle, and the main event, while not a technical masterpiece, was typical SSeries fun. If not for the dead crowd, the RnR Express/Heavenly Bodies match was good, too.

        The only thing truly worthy of induction has already been done: The Four Doinks fiasco.

    • Jackwagon says:

      Well, Victory Road ’09 was the one with the “MINUS FIVE STARS~!” match between Jenna Morasca and Sharmell.

  7. Phil Melcher says:

    @Dave…I remember the WWF heels vs. WBF stars and well, the WWF team did pretty badly. They won the Monday show with Brain Knobbs coming up with only 8 count ‘em 8 points in fast money. Bobby Heenan did get a lot of points but the heels failed to win the endgame. The WBF stars were much better. Sherri Martel was particularly annoying during this week of shows with about the only thing she could say while thinking of an answer was SO MUCH PRESSURE!!!!

  8. Jay "The Brain" Mann says:

    I hope someone tells Mr. Harvey that he;s now been immortalized in WrestleCrap. Preferably on Family Feud or his talk show.

  9. Peter says:

    Nice induction. Family Feud, pro wrestling, and Wrestlecrap go together like one big happy um, family.

  10. Brad Essex says:

    Come on stop picking on lacey she not that dumb unlike some divas i seen cough cameron cough.

  11. Alan says:

    Art, you’ve outdone yourself again! This is a classic!

  12. Anonymous says:

    What is that last pic from?

    • Art0Donnell says:

      A different episode of Family Feud. I took my chances on a Google Image search of “family feud”& “private parts”.

  13. Jimbob Jones says:

    Wow, Art, great job! You did something that the site going away for several years couldn’t make happen — you made it so that I’m never visiting Wrestlecrap again!

    Why? Because this site is supposed to be about making fun of dumb angles. This was a dumb wrestling thing, fine. But every time you talk about TNA, you have to keep expressing your hatred for the Fed.

    It’s more than a little pathetic, but every single TNA-based article you’ve written (which comprised your first 3 “articles” on this site) have been nothing but hate-filed diatribes about the fed.

    It’s a shame, RD. I’ve loved your site since Merle was around, bought your DVDs, and it’s a shame that this tool is the one thing that makes me abandon ship. I have no problem with the angles he’s written about (which were bad), but it’s obvious he loathes TNA like every other fanboy, and is basically turning your site into another WWE shill site.

    What a shame.

    • Jack Mehoff says:

      uh-oh, wrestlecrap is going under now! they lost jimbob jones!!

    • dennett316 says:

      They’re called jokes….and jokes based on copious truth for that matter (crappy pay for wrestlers, RVD’s mismanaged title reign, low PPV buys, their pathetic Monday Night War etc).
      Thankfully WWE/F and WCW fans aren’t as thin-skinned as you are Jimbob, there’d be nobody left reading the site when the cracks about WCW’s crappy creative decisions or WWE’s often terrible product are made.

    • Jay "The Brain" Mann says:

      Goodnight, Jimbob.

    • Great White Smark says:

      Thank you for voicing your opinion, Dixie.

    • Guest says:

      How dare he make fun of promotion that has never had mainstream appeal despite desperate attempts to earn it,

  14. ReallyPeteGas says:

    Orlando Jordan was terrific.

  15. WC Fan says:

    I watched this when it first aired. It was funny.

  16. Robert says:

    And the day after I read this, 2 episodes in this series show up on GSN.

  17. James says:

    Trivia: Mr. Anderson and Brian Knobbs are the only two wrestlers to appear on Feud with different companies.

  18. TerrierChad says:

    Les Dennis is black?!

  19. Deathedge says:

    Though I hate to admit it, I did sit and watch every single episode of this little series in Family Feud and did find myself amused… That said, could you imagine how much greater it would of been HAD Orlando Jordan been one of the contestants?

  20. Paul R. from SpookCentral.tk says:

    A Wild & Crazy Kids reference…AWESOME! I used to love that show. Especially the cute redhead. I think her name was Jessica Gaynes (I’m too lazy to look it up).

  21. George says:

    “again.” Why may she say that? Who’s the guy in the last photo?

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