TNA Fish Market Street Fight: TNA Discovers What Pro Wrestling Needs: FISH ON ICE!!

0 Submitted by on Wed, 26 December 2012, 17:38

TNA, 2008
Text by Triple Kelly and RD Reynolds

Over the years, I’ve done a lot of interviews about this here website. I always enjoy doing them, as it’s a lot of fun to blabber on regarding the stupidity I’ve seen this last decade. Invariably, I wind up getting the same questions over and over, the most frequent of which is “has anyone ever gotten mad about being inducted on the site?” It’s funny, because since 2000, I can count on one hand the number of guys who have said anything even remotely negative about WrestleCrap (although I’ll never forget the torrid email exchange with one Mark Madden). Most folks in the business “get” the site, and I’ve even be fortunate enough to chat with a few people in the business that are actually big fans of the site.

Among those would be THIS MAN (no, not Lord Alfred):

Yep, that’s us with Shark Boy. Didn’t know he was a fan of the site prior to meeting him a few years back at a legends show. We chatted with him for about an hour, and man…he was like the nicest, coolest guy ever.

So it leads us to one of those awkward occasions…we have something we want to induct, but we know the guy involved. Will he be offended? Will he laugh? Hopefully it will be the latter.

After all, he was in a match where the foreign object of choice was a big ol’ frozen fish.

So yeah, it took place during Sharky’s run in 2008 as the nautical second coming of “Stone Cold” Steve Austin. If this sounds ridiculous, consider the fact that he became the character by awakening from a coma, surrounded by his Shark family.

But here’s the thing: Shark Boy made it work because he sounded EXACTLY like Austin. If you’ve marked out over Jay Lethal’s Ric Flair impersonation (and yes, it’s really good!), you owe it to yourself to hunt down some of Sharky’s Stone Cold antics.

And eh, what the heck…don’t stop if you run into the TNA Fish Market Street Fight.

Especially if you like frozen fish.

And rest assured, WCW brought their big guns to the Feud.

WCW Champion STING!

Flyin’ Brian Pillman!

The Z-Man, Tom Zenk!

A not quite so good, and not quite so old Jim Ross!

And the one and only CANDY MAN, BRAD ARMSTRONG!

The only way I will view the inclusion of Armstrong as permissable is if he starts tossing Tootsie Rolls at the audience.

So the backstory here is that the duo are having problems with Team 3-D, and there’s a TNA PPV on the horizon,Destination X.

What better way to settle their differences than in the first ever Fish Market Street Fight?

Gimme a “SHELL YEAH!”

Ahem.

Peeyew! What’s that smell?

(Note from Triple Kelly: The TNA Knockouts locker room?)

Kelly…how dare you.

You should know that smells more like tuna!

Before the match starts, though, we get THE WEIGH IN.

You see, there was a period in TNA where Bubba and D-Von (err, Brother Ray and Brother Devon?) had to weigh in at less than 275 pounds, or they could not compete. We’d go back and recap that angle, but honestly, we don’t really care.

We will say this: watching Bubba freak out over getting on a scale is far from the worst comedy we’ve ever seen.

We’d prefer it on something we weren’t, you know, PAYING FOR, though.

And you know what would have been really good? If they just let these four have a standard tag team match.

But then, that’s the protocol in TNA: take two guys (or four guys, as is the case here) who could have a great match, and saddle them with a gimmick that they need to overcome in order to have that great match.

So after taking a beating from Shark Boy and Curry Man, Brother Ray and Devon start back to the dressing rooms…which leads to Sharky and Curry smacking Ray in the nads with a fish.

If you though that sounded fantastic, just imagine it with Don West yelling Billy Bass references at the top of his lungs like he’s shilling beanie babies.

Maybe this match wasn’t such a bad idea after all!

Better yet, we get some Vince Russo comedy with Curry Man danging a Little Debbie Ho-Ho at the end of a fishing pole while Bubba stares at it mesmerized….then gloms it.

See, cuz Bubba is FAT and he CAN’T CONTROL HIMSELF.

I mean, seriously – how obsessed with food do you have to be to see a freakin’ HO HO hanging in mid air via a fishing line and decide to stick it in your mouth?

If this had been in WWE, they would’ve had Mickie James or any Diva that weighed more than 87 pounds in Bubba’s place.

No idea why this kid is so excited, but I picture him chanting: “I WANT A HO HO!”

CLAP, CLAP, CLAP CLAP CLAP!

Curry Man reels Bubba in while Don excitedly names off every killer fish movie in existence as Shark Boy and D-Von do most of the heavy lifting, so to speak, by brawling on the outside.

Bubba finally gets his comeback by back body dropping Curry Man into the cart of fish and throwing fish at him and into the crowd. He then goes over and threatens the announce crew with the fish, but sadly stops short of shoving a mackrel down Mike Tenay’s throat.

It all comes back into the ring as D-Von holds Curry Man so Bubba can get some payback, but not before making out with said fish.

If you ever wanted a slice of what Troy McClure’s love life was like, there you go.

And Curry gets hit in the nards as well.

Several times.

I mean, every other minute, someone is getting it right in the teabag.

And sadly, not with a fish every time.

That really should have been a rule for this match: no contact with your opponents genitals except by means of a fish.

So finisher after finisher is kicked out of as the match goes on, from Stunners to DDTs.

You know, I remember once upon a forever ago, Jake Roberts was asked by a WWF interviewer what “DDT” stood for.

His answer? “The end.”

That answer in 2010 would be “The end…no wait, it’s just a transition move. Sorry about that.”

And the finish? That would be Bubba somehow 3D’ing his own partner and allowing Curry Man to pick up the win.

And that was about it.

Did the match suck that bad? No, not really. I mean, we just sat through Jenna versus Sharmell not so long ago, and this isn’t even in the same universe as that debacle. Still, any match that has guys smacking each other in the balls with frozen fish kinda has to wind up here, right?

Regardless, keep on crappin’, Shark Boy!

 

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Yeah, you know...the WrestleCrap guy. Been here since before day 1, I have. You can hang out with me on Facebook. (I'm on there quite a bit) or follow my exploits on Twitter (I'm on there not quite so often). Thanks, and Keep on Crappin'!

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