Induction: Mark Henry, sex addict: Mark finds a way to spend even more time on the couch.

52 Submitted by on Thu, 05 September 2013, 20:00

WWF, 1999

We’ll all remember Mark Henry’s faux-retirement speech for a long time. With tears in his eyes, the World’s Strongest Man cut an emotional promo dedicated to his friends and family, only to blindside John Cena and goad him into a title shot.

mhsa00

This wasn’t the first time that Mark had bared his soul to the public, however, as the former Olympian had delivered another heartfelt promo back in September 1999. Unlike the retirement speech, though, this one would result in fewer title shots and more incest and prostitution angles.

Mark’s sad story began in the summer of 1999, when his pal D’Lo Brown tried to get Henry (a babyface at this point) into shape. That meant eating healthy…  mhsa01
mhsa02 …and exercising.
Fitness wasn’t Sexual Chocolate’s thing, so, not foreseeing any negative consequences to being out of shape while under a 10-year contract, he turned against D’Lo at Summerslam, turning heel.
mhsa03
mhsa98 After losing to D’Lo at the next pay-per-view, Henry began coming to D’Lo’s aid, thus turning face again.
He then cut a serious promo apologizing for his actions as of late and admitted that he had an addiction. Now, addiction is serious business. Just recently, Kurt Angle very publicly entered a rehabilitation program for his own vice, which happened to be gutter sluts. I mean, alcohol. mhsa04
mhsa05 But unlike Kurt, Mark wasn’t addicted to alcohol. Nor was he addicted to drugs or gambling (Jeff Gann having laid claim to that gimmick years before). No, the answer was far more shocking, as it turned out that “Sexual Chocolate” was, in fact, a sex addict. So maybe he wasn’t so much different from Kurt.
“Did he say, ‘sex addict’?” asked an astonished Michael Cole. No, Cole, he said, “sax attic.” It’s where he keeps his musical instrument collection. mhsa06
mhsa07 Sexual Chocolate then explained that his addiction had cost him his money, his fiancée, and his best friend D’Lo Brown. Uh, do I really care to find out how exactly sexual addiction had cost him D’Lo? Besides, I thought they split up because the World’s Strongest Man didn’t want to go on a diet? Maybe Mark had some sort of bizarre, Costanza-esque intertwined desire for food and sex.
As Henry admitted to seeking professional help, the announcers did their best to explain how this situation was no laughing matter, which was absolutely necessary if the WWF was going to present a mature and informative look at a real-life problem. mhsa08
mhsa99 Mark’s therapy sessions bega– pfffft! Ha! Oh, I’m sorry, but I just snorted out the juice I’ve been drinking from my Ultimate Warrior Suck-Cup™ just trying to read that last paragraph out loud with a straight face! I mean, right as the announcers were talking about the seriousness of sex addiction, they played Mark Henry’s Barry White-style theme song. Anyway, Mark’s therapy sessions began the next week with a sexy young psychologist.
When asked about his first sexual encounter, Henry reluctantly admitted that it took place at age eight with his own sister. Whoa oh! Mark’s therapist freaked out and demanded to know whether he was still having sex with his sister. Jeez, lady, I know that’s some weird stuff, but shouldn’t you be used to hearing those kinds of things from patients speaking under 100% confidentiality (except for the national TV audience watching the whole thing)? And why accuse Mark of still doing it? If he had admitted to wetting the bed or eating his boogers as a child, would you have acted horrified and wondered if he still did that as an adult? mhsa09
mhsa10

Mama Henry was unavailable for comment.

Well, it turned out that her suspicions were correct, as upon her next question, our favorite nymphomaniac admitted to doing it with his sister just two days earlier. The doctor, however, took that shocking revelation in stride. It’s almost as if she were told to flip out in response to Henry’s outrageous answer, but she got confused and reacted too early. I wonder how she, as a trained psychoanalyst, felt about acting so unprofessional on television? By the way, I can only assume she was a real therapist, as no professional actress would have stumbled over the punchline like that.
Undeterred, Mark continued with his therapy sessions, but this time with a different doctor. She offered her medical opinion that he was “really screwed up” and suggested a course of “overstimulation.” mhsa11
mhsa12 This meant that Henry would have to face The Godfather in a “Ho-Jack Match” where about two dozen sex workers surrounded the ring. Mark quickly lost due to distraction, then indulged in his addiction right in the middle of the ring (which also happened in The Young and the Wrestling. Uh, I heard)…
…leaving his shrink none too pleased. mhsa13
mhsa15 Fed up with attractive female doctors who only distracted him and exacerbated (there’s a funny word) his condition, Mark hired a male therapist. Unfortunately, it quickly became clear that this new doctor was a real queenie. You know what I mean? A fairy cake who was kind of fruity? Gay, that is. He was gay. And we knew this because he kept touching Mark’s pectorals, which sent the World’s Strongest Man running (and later inspired his theme music by Three 6 Mafia).
Also, noted the announcers, he had a lisp, which any speech pathologist will tell you is a sure sign of male homosexuality. Aside from the fact that he didn’t actually have a lisp, that was a pretty strong case.
Gay.

Daffy Duck: Gay.

mhsa16 By the way, why didn’t more announcers call Mark Henry either simply, “Sexual” or, “Chocolate”?
Chocolate, having figured that all male therapists were aggressively homosexual, hired an older woman for his fourth session. Wanting him to realize that not all touching was sexual, she invited him to join her in a friendly hug. Would you guess what happened next? mhsa17
mhsa18 That’s right, she turned out to be a Sexual Chocoholic herself, throwing herself on top of her patient and moaning.
For those keeping score, by now Mark had hired and fired two fine pieces of ass, a gay man and a 60-year-old woman.Excuse me, let me rephrase that so it doesn’t sound like Mark considered the dude and the older lady, “pieces of ass”:

Mark had hired and fired two fine pieces of ass (comma) a gay man (comma) and a 60-year-old woman. That’s four shrinks total.

Thanks again, Oxford comma.

mhsa97
Oxford Kama

“No problem.”

Hey Kama, while you’re here, could you stick around for the next half a dozen panels or so? You brought your other hat, right?

Anyway, Sexual had at last had enough, joining up with the Godfather and embracing his appetites (the sexual kind, although I’m sure Mark was also wondering  what kind of bird Godfather got those feathers from and whether he had any leftovers).
mhsa19
mhsa20 This pairing lasted six days. See, the Godfather had been having problems of his own with Mideon, who admitted to deviant acts that would make Sharmell-era Kurt Angle and Katie Vick-era Kane blush. I’ll never look at Phineas I. Godwinn the same way again, that’s for sure.
When the fun-loving prostitution agent faced off against Mideon’s partner Viscera, Big Vis challenged him to a Winner-Take-Ho match and offered Mark Henry 24/7 access to the sex workers if he helped him win. mhsa21
mhsa22 When he said, “twenty four hours a day, seven days a week,” was he implying that he would own the Godfather’s women for life, and they couldn’t quit? Disturbing. Also disturbing: imagining Viscera back in his Men on a Mission days doing this rap.
Henry cost the Godfather the first-ever Human Trafficking match and took possession of his gaggle of prostitutes while Viscera stayed behind to beat up two of the remaining women. mhsa23
mhsa24 Can you believe that some idiots at the time thought the WWF was less than morally upstanding?
Now a heel again and aligned with Viscera, Henry helped himself to Big Vis’s employees/property, who appeared to be completely different prostitutes from the ones he won from the Godfather. We can only assume that Viscera already had his own pimping business independent of the Godfather’s operation. mhsa25
mhsa26 Some of these new workin’ girls did not exactly meet the peak standards of beauty and glamor normally associated with women who rent their bodies out for a living. This really hurt the realism of the angle. What’s next, a hooker with missing teeth? Or who abuses drugs? I mean, we’ve all seen Pretty Woman. Don’t insult our intelligence, WWF.
This alliance lasted for one day (three, by TV time) until Mark Henry got distracted by Terri Runnells and cost himself and Viscera a match with the Hardy Boyz. Vis put the boots to our protagonist, who was thus turned face again. It’s hard to believe that Vince Russo had already stopped writing for the WWF weeks earlier. mhsa27
mhsa28 Sexual Chocolate then disappeared from television for a few weeks and reappeared only as a jobber to up-and-coming stars like Kurt Angle and Chris Jericho.
At last, he famously hooked up with Mae Young, who could finally satisfy his needs. And just as he was getting an air of legitimacy by fathering a rubber hand with a 72-year-old woman, the romance was dropped and he was sent down to OVW for two years to get in shape. mhsa29

 

He really should have listened to D’Lo.

Written by

A wrestling fan ever since the days of Wrestlemania IX, Art graduated from college in the same building where Art Donovan called King of the Ring 1994. He currently runs the "How Much Does This Guy Weigh?" blog, where he reviews New Generation-Era Monday Night Raws and Hasbro WWF figures.
52 Responses to "Induction: Mark Henry, sex addict: Mark finds a way to spend even more time on the couch."
  1. DownWithOPC says:

    Wow, how was this not inducted already?

  2. ScMcS says:

    A George Costanza reference would’ve been enough, but another appearance of Oxford Kama really takes the cake!

    Mark Henry’s run from the Summer of ’99 through 2000 really was a mess, and this was the most it’s ever made sense. Kudos!

  3. Sean Bateman says:

    Oxford Kama returns!!!! I love that guy!!!

  4. Anonymous says:

    This was one of the worst angles of all time, and possibly the worst angle that hadn’t already been inducted before now.

  5. Sean O says:

    We need more Oxford Kama on this site :)

  6. Matt Soileau says:

    Oxford Kama AND Ultimate Warrior suck cup? Excellent!

  7. Jerichoholic Ninja says:

    If Art Donovan had been Mark Henry’s trainer, constantly asking “How much does dis guy weigh?”, Mark Henry would have been shamed so much that he would now be down to Colin Delaney weight levels. It also would have been the greatest angle ever.

  8. Brian Henke says:

    Now get the No Limit Soldiers inducted!

  9. E-Squared says:

    Wow, I was wondering when this will be inducted and I am glad to have finally read it. This just shows how some wrestling fans who long for the “good old days” of Attitude and how those rose-colored glasses cloud their judgment.

    • Peter says:

      The rule of thumb for me as I look back on all this is the lower down the card you were, the worse your storylines.

      Don’t get me wrong – Attitude Era and the Monday Night Wars were fun times to be a wrestling fan, but definitely not perfect, not even close.

  10. John Matrix says:

    What is it with fat guys in WWE getting stuck in bad angles and storylines?

  11. Cpt. SuckerPunch says:

    hahaha!…brilliant!…the clip before oxford kama and kama himself were amazing!…

  12. Rose Harmon says:

    I can’t believe my parents let me watch the Attitude Era!

  13. Preparation Triple H says:

    If Daffy Duck is gay due to his lisp, does that mean Sylvester is gay, too? But he had a son!

  14. SCFNL says:

    Excellent induction! I genuinely just assumed this angle had been inducted already. Atrocious stuff – it ticked every box in terms of attitude era wrestlecrap. Somebody gonna get their wig split!

  15. John Q Occupier says:

    Can someone pass me the brain-bleach? This angle was bad enough, but couple it with a nekkid George… *shudder*

  16. "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

    This is one of those times I feel bad for Art because he had to sit though and re-watch this awful crap. Way to take one for the team, Art. :)

  17. Mr. Glen says:

    Deal does take Vince Russo to task but he allowed RD to make an entire cottage industry out of this. No Russo, no reems of material for this website.

  18. Jacob says:

    I will never understand why they felt the need to casually interject childhood incest into a wrestling angle, man, Vince really is one sick bastard

  19. Raven7309 says:

    Was this storyline the reason Kurt Angle started his “Olympic Heroes for Abstinence” program, where he would go to colleges and universities and lecture to students and hand out condoms to them?

    • Autrach Sejanoz says:

      No, I’m pretty sure that was a result of the Kurt – Steph – Hunter love triangle. In addition to the three I’s, he was also promoting the big A – Abstinence.

      • Matt Soileau says:

        The abstinence angle was pre-Hunter/Steph. By at least 2 or 3 months. It was to put him over as a dork. Plus, IIRC Big Show was handing out condoms to counteract him. This was during Show’s comedy stint post-SNL…

  20. Nolo King says:

    I never knew about him aligning with Viscera.

    The Attitude Era looks like such an embarrassment, lawls!

    • Matt Soileau says:

      The midcard scene in the Attitude era was a joke pre-Jericho and pre-TLC. Then, when Jericho, the Radicalz, Kurt Angle, Regal and a few others came along, it got less stupid and the wrestling got a lot better. This was all post Russo mind you. Most of the “memorable”/quality Attitude moments from 1998-1999 come from the Main Event storylines or storylines revolving around DX, the Nation, etc…

  21. Alexandru says:

    Glad I was wasn’t watching the WWE at this time. Yeah the Attitude era definitely was not perfect. An angle like this proves Cornette’s point that if you had an awesome main event scene you could book chicken’s fucking for the undercard and it wouldn’t matter. An angle like this makes me thin,that Vince is very messed up in the head and that they were trying to intentionally get Henry too quit too get out of his 10 year multimillion dollar contract.

  22. Daniel Evers says:

    Man…Since the first time that i heard that Mark had a gimmick run as a “Sexual Chocolate”, I instanly smell wrestlcrap…But seriously…Incest? Prostitution? Sure, the Attitude Era was absoluty great….and equally bizzare sometimes. I really wonder what Mark truly thinks about this Gimmick right now…The guy deserved a World Championship run only for accepting this gimmick

  23. Eric Hinkle says:

    Poor Mark Henry. Why did they put the guy through all this crap after signing him to a ten year contract? Were they hoping he’d take one look at a nude Mae Young and run screaming for the hills so they wouldn’t have to pay him?

  24. Rob says:

    God, I remember this. All I will say is that after Mark Henry endured all of this (not to mention the stuff with “Sammie” as well as the stuff with Mae Young), I dare anybody to say that Mark Henry did not deserve the pushes he has received the last few years.

  25. CaptainRon says:

    I interned for “Late Night with Conan O’Brien” back in 1996. One of the shoots I got to help out on featured a pre-WWF Mark Henry. Basically, we would drive around New York, doing various feats of strength, like lifting a hot dog cart, jumping into the Hudson River – in the middle of February – and lifting another intern submerged in a giant bowl of chili.

    Anyway, Mark was one of the nicest, most fun people I have ever met. The van that we had rented’s steering was very messed up and, as I was driving, Mark would say, “Ron, where’d you get your drivers’ license” and stuff like that. He was also very excited about talking to the WWF – the talks were still preliminary at that point.

    But the thing I remember most was whenever a cute girl would walk past us, Mark would nudge me and say, “Ron, Ron – babe alert!” So we spent most of the day in-between shoots checking out women.

    So he was “Sexual Chocolate” even back then.

    On another note, the medic that delivered Mae Young’s hand was Tommy Blacha, who was a writer at “Late Night” when I was there who left to write for the WWF. Now, Tommy wasn’t one of those “Hollywood writers” that Hulk Hogan would bemoan – Tommy was a REAL wrestling fan who happened to be a comedy writer. He’s also a really great guy who went on to create “Metalocalypse.”

  26. TIMtationX says:

    The one thing I remember about this was that shot with D’Lo feeding Henry that healthy food, he said “Can a brotha git some sauce? Some butta? Somethin’?” Lawler repeated it and it was SO FREAKING HILARIOUS.

  27. World Strongest Sexual Chocolate says:

    How things have changed here. I really don’t know how Sexual Chocolate Mark Henry qualifies for an inudction. Sure the gimmick was crap, but Mark clearly made it work. Just listen to all the fans that still chant it and prefer it to whatever gimmick he’s going by at the moment while they remember the time fondly!

  28. chris hollywood says:

    “I might as well eat this flower.” – Mark Henry
    “Go ahead, eat the flower, there’s no fat in a flower.” – D-Lo

  29. James Clancy says:

    3 points to make here:

    1) Fantastic induction

    2) This is the crap I think of whenever some internet smark complains about the PG rating and the need to go back to the attitude era.

    3) Despite these horrible storylines, I’ve always liked Mark Henry and I’m glad that in 2011 they finally managed to give him a gimmick that works and get him over.

  30. CJ says:

    I would read this entry today, then discover a human trafficking match that took place in the WWF before this, on the same day. (Let me rephrase that, I discovered it on the same day, it didn’t take place earlier that day. Oxford Kama strikes again Mwahaha…)

    The match in question took place on Saturday Night’s Main Event: March 14, 1987. George Steele vs Macho Man Randy Savage with Elizabeth on the line. Hulkamania era showing signs of Attitude.

leave a comment