Induction: Lita cheats on Matt Hardy: Starring Glen Jacobs as Matt.

46 Submitted by on Thu, 02 May 2013, 19:00

For parts one and two of this induction, click here and here.

Since the summer of 2004, Amy Dumas’s “Lita” character had been tormented on WWE television with coercive sexual contracts, pregnancy, and a miscarriage. It would seem only natural that when she finally broke off her forced marriage to her own rapist, it would be a cause for celebration throughout WWE arenas everywhere. If this had happened in, say, January, then you would be right. What a difference a few months make. Oh, and the internet, too.

If you’ve never heard this story because disgusting story lines like necrophilia or Triple H as world champion had turned you off Raw after the brand extension, let’s just say that if you thought the angles that WWE invented out of whole cloth were awful, wait until you see what they do with angles from real life!

To recap, Lita had been stalked by Kane, who beat up her boyfriend Matt Hardy relentlessly until she agreed to sleep with him. Finding herself pregnant with Kane’s baby, she was forced to marry the Big Red Monster after he beat Matt Hardy in a match at Summerslam. Lita then suffered a miscarriage in an in-ring “accident” caused by Gene Snitsky, who then gloated about it before finally being vanquished by Kane. By the beginning of 2005, though, Lita appeared to no longer be an unwilling slave to Kane, but a supportive wife who stood by and, yes, loved, her husband. And the fans were happy for them. All it took for them to sympathize with the rapist was someone else doing something bad to the victim and the rapist coming to the rescue via a tombstone piledriver. How has this never been used as a defense on Law & Order: SVU? LEM-01
LEM-02 Still, the WWE fans were forgiving of Kane and seemed to have pretty much forgotten how and why he and Lita had gotten married in the first place. Come May 2005, however, the internet was buzzing like Brian Blair and Jim Brunzell about the latest rumors. It seemed that in real life, Amy Dumas had cheated on long-time boyfriend Matt Hardy with his (married) friend Adam “Edge” Copeland. Matt had immediately broken the story on his website and was promptly released by the WWE because they didn’t like to make money.
Suddenly, the fans began turning against Lita at live events, which must have confused the less Internet-savvy viewers of Raw who never saw any kind of Lita heel turn. The jig was up for WWE, who quickly re-cast Lita as a villain by having her cost her husband Kane a key match against the devious Edge. Keep in mind that this is exactly what Lita had done months ago for Shawn Michaels and had been completely justified in doing so. The difference was that Lita made out with Edge following the match, proving that she had committed the terrible sin of infidelity… against Kane, who had raped her the previous year and held her captive as his wife. Still, Kane was shocked at the betrayal, despite having heard the audience chant “You screwed Edge” and “She’s a crack whore” at his wife throughout the entire match. “Has Edge destroyed this relationship?” wondered JR, mourning the end of a perfectly good sexually abusive marriage. “Is that the kind of man that he is?” You would think JR would have expected this, given his infamous commentary at TLC II. LEM-03
LEM-04 “That’s the man’s wife! That’s the man’s wife!” pleaded Ross furiously, even though if this had happened just a few months before, Edge would have been turned face and probably awarded a medal for doing something that Matt Hardy failed to do.
So WWE finally pulled the trigger on the break-up/infidelity angle that fans had been itching for… except that with Matt Hardy neither able-bodied nor under contract, Kane would have to play the part of the wronged lover seeking revenge on the slimy homewrecker. LEM-05
LEM-06 To their credit, Lita and Edge played the part of shameless lechers to the hilt, but Glen Jacobs had the unfortunate task of having to play a sympathetic character who a) had recently been a rapist, and b) was merely a stand-in for a far more popular wrestler who was unavailable to the WWE (see also: New Diesel).
As the feud wore on, Lita announced that she had filed for divorce and celebrated the occasion by flushing her wedding ring down the toilet. Kane watched in horror at the desecration of the sacred symbol, which represented the sacred bond between him, Lita, God, Eric Bischoff, and the paying Summerslam audience who been cheated out of the matrimony they had been promised in the “Till Death Do Us Part” match. Again, no mention was made of the fact that Lita had only received that ring after Kane had used explosions to prevent her from escaping the wedding ceremony. LEM-07
LEM-08 Lita then made amends (i.e.: made out) with Snitsky, thanking him for causing her to miscarry and sparing her from having to bear Kane’s son (not mentioned: the rape that caused the pregnancy in the first place. Come on, it’s obvious that WWE wasn’t trying to be tasteful or anything.).
A mere three weeks after Lita initially announced her filing for divorce, she and Edge were set to have an on-air wedding. I don’t know what state she filed in and what lawyers she hired, but that seems like an awfully quick turn-around time. Then again, the previous year, Edge had divorced Val Venis’s sister and immediately married his next future ex-wife, so he must have had some connections. LEM-09
LEM-10 Edge and Lita’s wedding ceremony was a thing of sleazy beauty, complete with mid-ceremony make-out sessions and Lita in a J-Lo dress. It even featured a poem by Snitsky (taking a page from Heidenreich’s book) entitled, “It’s Not My Fault,” in which he denied culpability for such misfortunes as the fact that “Kane can’t get an erection” and that Lita “had a dead baby in [her] uterus.” Snitsky’s ode to miscarriage and erectile dysfunction has been omitted from WWE’s recent Youtube video of the segment for some reason.
The wedding was interrupted by Matt Hardy’s theme music, drawing a huge pop from the crowd, but it soon became apparent that the Hardy comeback was just a prank pulled by the bride and groom. Also, that WWE hated its fans. However, it wasn’t long before the real victim in all this made a surprise appearance, preventing Lita and Edge from saying their “I Do’s”…. and by “real victim,” I mean poor old Kane. After the Big Red Machine laid waste to the set like Randy Orton to a purse, not another word was said about Edge and Lita ever trying to get married again. Edge probably remembered that he was still legally married to his second wife (and would remain so until November). LEM-11
LEM-12 Edge and Matt Hardy, Version 2.0 (Glen Jacobs) battled for months. Meanwhile, everyone (except WWE’s announcers) was talking about Matt Hardy, Version 1.0. Paul Heyman even dropped a bombshell on Edge at ECW’s One Night Stand pay-per-view with two words: “Matt Freakin’ Hardy!” (If you want to argue with Paul or WWE about the mathematical accuracy of that statement, they’d be happy to face you at the thirtieth anniversary of Wrestlemania, 2014′s Wrestlemania 30).
Still, the nonsensical feud between Edge and Kane dragged on until July, but fans started to see a glimmer of hope as Matt Hardy began making appearances at WWE events, attacking Edge while the announcers tried to ignore what was going on in front of them. The lines between fiction and reality were beginning to blur, and the fans were eating it up like so many grapes, anticipating the biggest feud of the year and the return of their new hero. (Kane was probably happiest of all, as he would have probably ended up hooking up with Katie Vick again had his feud with Edge and Lita gone on any longer) LEM-13
LKS-12 Sure, this new storyline made zero sense in light of Kane’s involvement with Edge and Lita. After all, Matt never jumped out of the audience to sneak attack Kane after it became apparent that he and Lita were knocking boots (consensually this time). But sometimes you have to admit that the previous year’s worth of story lines were fake if you want to make boatloads of money on a story line that’s real (or at least, less fake).
And in wrestling, you can’t get any more real (or at least, any less fake) than the emotions of Matt Hardy, who upon reinstatement condemned Lita for having cheated on him (with Edge, not Kane) and Edge for having ruined his “dream of one day having a family” and destroying his “dream of one day having children.” Apparently, Adam Copeland had not only stolen Matt’s girlfriend, but had also castrated him or otherwise made him sterile. Now that’s a feud!
LEM-14
LEM-15 Further fuel was thrown on the fire of this love triangle when the three participants were guests on wwe.com’s Byte This, wherein Edge accused Matt of being immature and not handling the drama like an adult, and Matt criticized Edge for being unable to distinguish between Edge the character and Adam Copeland the person. Hardy would later criticize Internet users for being unable to distinguish between Matt Hardy and “MATTHEW” and for not recognizing a kayfabe suicide note when they saw it, so take everything Matt said with a grain of salt.
Fans were so amped up to see this intense feud play out that they ignored such little flaws as the video package that juxtaposed Matt’s speech about his “serious knee injury” with footage of him in a neck brace, or the “yeah, right” claim by Edge that he himself had gotten Hardy reinstated so that he could destroy him without consequence.
LEM-16

That’s the most serious knee injury I’ve ever seen.

LEM-17

“Matt Hardy, that main event spotlight, it’s shining on you. And at Summerslam, Matt, I end it.” – Vince McMahon Edge

 

 

However, when this hotly anticipated match finally took place at Summerslam, it was put on second on the card, between Chris Benoit’s half-minute squash of Orlando Jordan and the Wrestlecrap-inducted child custody ladder match. How was this match supposed to put over the hot new star-in-the-making? Here’s how: a total rout of his opponent in under five minutes, beating the stuffing out of him so badly that the referee would award the match to him by TKO. Of course, the “hot new start-in-the-making” I’m referring to was Edge, and his personal punching bag on this night was Matt Hardy. What, you thought WWE was going to put over the fan favorite just because of the unprecedented groundswell of support for him on the internet and in arenas around the country? I’m guessing Zack Ryder never saw this pay-per-view.
Hardy’s inauspicious return to the ring continued the next night when he was beaten by Rob Conway. Yes, Matt Hardy’s righteous anger and heart full of hatred and fury were suddenly no longer enough to overcome an ex-member of La Resistance in see-through tights, let alone put up a fight against the object of his rage. Who on earth thought this was a good idea? LEM-18
LEM-19265978-vince_mcmahon_picture_1 Yes, Vince McMahon. No gag here. Obviously, if Vince didn’t think this was a good idea, it never would have made it to air on his own show. Duh. Whose picture did you think I was going to show?
Yeah, I don’t know either, dude. LEM-20
LEM-21 In an attempt to get some of his heat back, Hardy fought Edge to a no-contest in a street fight after a “Side Effect” off the ramp and onto some wires, complete with the same obligatory sparks and explosions that had given Goldust Tourette’s syndrome. If only Matt had suffered the same fate, at least he would have a gimmick to fall back on after this debacle.
Matt finally beat Edge in a steel cage match at Unforgiven, making his return to WWE worthwhile… LEM-22
LEM-23 …until a few weeks later, when he lost to Edge in a ladder match and was forced off Raw, never to be heard from again.
Okay, so he was on Smackdown on the CW, which was still better than unemployment, but when you consider that he was involved in the hottest WWE angle in years, it was more than a bit disappointing to find him teaming with Tatanka (buffalo) while his arch-rival was enjoying a main-event push. LEM-24
LEM-25 Factor in Edge’s 11 career world title reigns to Matt’s 0 and suddenly Edge’s claim to have only brought Matt Hardy back to the WWE to destroy him makes complete sense.

 

LEM-26

All in all, WWE had a golden opportunity to create two bona fide superstars out of Edge and Matt Hardy, but through foolish, one-sided booking, ended up elevating only the one wrestler who was already being groomed for success while squandering the unprecedented fan support of the other, leaving him to languish in mediocrity for years. Not only is one man a Hall of Famer while the other is a sad self-parody, but the entire year and a half of awful story line after awful story line, complete with rape, abusive marriages, miscarriages, and adultery, proved that WWE would rather shove terrible ideas down the fans’ throats than actually listen to them. And there is absolutely nothing funny about that.

Except for Snitsky punting the baby. That was a riot!

snitsky punt

Written by

A wrestling fan ever since the days of Wrestlemania IX, Art graduated from college in the same building where Art Donovan called King of the Ring 1994. He currently runs the "How Much Does This Guy Weigh?" blog, where he reviews New Generation-Era Monday Night Raws and Hasbro WWF figures.
46 Responses to "Induction: Lita cheats on Matt Hardy: Starring Glen Jacobs as Matt."
  1. Daniel Evers says:

    *Claps* Excelente job! I really love this type of histories! I really hope to see more like this in the future XD

  2. Down With OPC says:

    I think it was when Kane was feuding with Matt, but remember when Kane brought out all of Matt’s “brothers”? I think they were Pat, Rat, Nat, and Fat. Everyone but Jeff.

  3. Mitchell Colburn says:

    I always liked Matt Hardy.Good read,as always!

  4. Sharpe Puppy says:

    “Here’s how: a total rout of his opponent in under five minutes, beating the stuffing out of him so badly that the referee would award the match to him by TKO. Of course, the “hot new start-in-the-making” I’m referring to was Edge, and his personal punching bag on this night was Matt Hardy. What, you thought WWE was going to put over the fan favorite just because of the unprecedented groundswell of support for him on the internet and in arenas around the country?”

    Yea that’s not what happened at all. What happened was Vince just decided to let the two shoot fight and hope it didn’t take more than 5 minutes, the problem was that Edge knocked out Matt. So it’s kind of Matt’s fault. I agree, a worked match where Hardy should have gone over was the solution, but I stand by the idea that this was a shoot fight gone wrong.

    • Art0Donnell says:

      So that was a shoot spear through the ropes off the apron.

    • Little Bonkey says:

      Wow, I thought the whole “Mankind being Chokeslammed through the cell was a botch” non-theory was retarded, but this is arguably just as ridiculous. You have absolutely no evidence for this while anyone else could point to at least a dozen examples of why your idea is moronic (Art0Donnell though has made that unnecessary by choosing just one that kills your notion completely and effortlessly dead) but you still ‘stand by it’ because…well, presumably because you’ve got a pathological defense mechanism towards the WWE’s booking.

      There aren’t enough palms or faces in this world that can adequately summarise just how much fail is in your ‘theory’. There’s more legitimacy in intelligent design or scientology than in your belief. I’m still astonished.

  5. TheRavishingOne says:

    I think Matt’s lack of talent or charisma hindered him more than the one-sided booking. He is a great wrestler, but I don’t see him at the main event level like Edge.

    • Peter says:

      I don’t think that’s true, when he was Matt Hardy Version 1 he showed a ton of charisma. People liked Matt for a long time, he should’ve been up at the top of the card.

      • Little Bonkey says:

        At the very least he could have been a good midcarder and occasional main-eventer in the same mould as Christian.

      • Guest says:

        Yeag the mattiude thing wouldn’t have work at the main event level and barely worked at the mid card level.

    • Christopher Chamberlain says:

      You are correct. Hardy had no charisma. If i recall correctly, upon Matt Hardy’s dramatic return, he proceeded to cut one of the worst promos ever. It was a crucial promo and Hardy failed miserably. I’ve searched for this “Anti-Pipe Bomb” but can’t find it anywhere.

  6. Big wiggle says:

    It was a shame that the hardy that could actually wrestle couldnt get a better push but this was a great feud.

  7. Y.G. says:

    Thank you for your hard work, Art. All three parts were worth reading just to remember the hilarity that was mid-2000s WWE.

  8. Mr. Glen says:

    This was the original C.M. Punk moment. When there was fan interest in a backstage issue but Vince KNEW better. (Punk’s comments were vetted but they cut closer to the bone than most promos). He was going to give the fans what he thought they should see.
    Punk’s inability to be the guy to take on Johnny Ace and his heel turn screwed that character. Matt going into that stupid 5 minute match and then being turfed off Raw ruined him.

  9. Raging_Demons says:

    One fatal flaw to Part 3. You forgot that Matt Hardy slashed the tires to Edge’s car when he found out that Lita was cheating on him. That was the cause of him getting fired in the first place.

    • Rocko says:

      Actually that wasn’t him. I can’t remember the exact story but it is a fact that Hardy did not do that.

  10. James S says:

    I guess it’s now the “7 Crimes we’d hope Kane and Undertaker would be arrested for if they lived in our town,” seeing as how Kane committed rape in this story line after all :(

  11. RD Reynolds says:

    Brilliant work!!!! This was great, and long overdue. Thank you from the bottom of my crappy heart!!

  12. Lee W says:

    Between Kane & Rey Mysterio I still don’t know who’s re-masking has made less sense to me

    • Little Bonkey says:

      Definitely Mysterio’s. You have to consider the reasoning behind it as well. Bischoff honestly thought Mysterio would be more marketable without a mask, despite the fact that his mask regularly sold out at merchandise stands and has lucha heritage, not to mention Rey looked no older than about 15 without it.

      Kane’s unmasking was full of contradictions but it’s not like his character hadn’t already been retconned, he’d started as a man who could only talk using a voice box, couldn’t get an erection and had never been intimate with anyone (I’m not even going to attempt to analyse the Bearer/Undertaker stuff as my brain will boil). He’d started talking regularly within months and the intimacy thing was obviously destroyed by the Katie Vick thing, so getting rid of his facial burns wasn’t a huge step up from that.

      The stupidest part was how he had a ‘burned’ Looney Tunes black gunpowder face when he was unmasked, but then a week later he had no marks on his face at all. Was that part ever explained? Did he get a skin graft and somehow rehab within days?

      • Cameron A. says:

        The mask left smudge marks on his face.

        I’m not kidding. I remember that being the official explanation, though I might be wrong on this.

        Now, Kane’s 2011 REMASKING, I don’t remember that earning an explanation. I guess “embrace the hate” was enough for Kane’s character, at that point?

        • "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

          It wasn’t the mask leaving smudges on his face, what we were seeing was the black makeup he put around his eyes to hide his skin tone.

          • Cameron A. says:

            The point is, Kane’s 2003 unmasking was explained, just not very well. The same year, Kane was thrown into a fiery dumpster, and emerged unscathed. Kane’s greatest enemy has always been credulity.

  13. John Darc says:

    It makes me wonder what the hell Zeb Colter was talking about in that video to Glenn Beck when he said that WWE is just like a regular TV show or movie except that WWE doesn’t use rape or murder in their storylines.

    He must be watching the same edited versions of WWE shows they give to Bruno Sammartino.

    • Little Bonkey says:

      He was using the present tense, so his statement is correct. If he’d said they’d never done it then yes he’d look like either a propagandist or an idiot.

  14. Little Bonkey says:

    One slight correction – Matt Hardy is actually officially recognised as a former world champion because he held the ECW title. I’m not suggesting for a second that it’s on par with the WWE or World titles, or even the world titles of many other promotions. But it is, technically speaking, a world title reign. Only 11-1 to Edge in that regard then, so I guess all’s well that ends well? *Sob*

    Bear in mind that this also means Christian is a six-time world champion.

    • jfgjkfgtjkfgy says:

      I’d like to say that the ECW World Title did deserve to be acknowledged as on the same level with any other world title until Justin Credible won it. Rhino is the last (and current) ECW World Heavyweight Champion as far as I’m concerned.

  15. Stephen says:

    Everyone else has already heaped the praise on this article that I was going to but I have to say, I’m ecstatic that Man Mountain Rock has made a return. :)

    • Thomas Moffatt says:

      I was REALLY worried when I didn’t see him – he’s going to have to guest at some point on WrestleCrap…

  16. "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

    Love this trilogy of inductions, Art! Nice job!

  17. WC Fan says:

    Excellent read for all three parts. This definitely is a “what could have been” for Matt. This would make an interesting Rewriting the Book induction.

  18. Joseph S. Hasan says:

    Really well done, sir.

  19. That Don Guy says:

    Wasn’t this the storyline that included the fans at a Madison Square Garden house show chanting “We Want Matt!”, followed “coincidentally” by Vince announcing that the next MSG house show had been cancelled (without ever giving a reason)?

  20. Nolo King says:

    Matt Hardy was screwed so badly because he was a great worker and public speaker, lawls!

  21. ReReallyrPeteGasWopie says:

    this was awesome and all, but you forgot one crucial thing. when lita thanked snitszky for the abortion and kissed him. you got that part, but i was looking for a gif of snitszky stroking his facial hair and flicking his tongue with his eyes popping out of his head. it’s an image i don’t ever need to see again, it’s engraved in my memory for life, but it needs to ruin the wrestlecrap community.

  22. Al Lobama says:

    If I remember the IWC urban legend correctly, the reason for the five minute squash at Summerslam was that Vince lost faith in Matt as a top babyface after hearing his return promo on RAW and decided spur of the moment to pull the plug on the whole angle. Vince himself was the one who reintroduced Hardy on RAW and took credit for bringing him back to the WWE, and even gave his seal of approval by shaking Matt’s hand in the center of the ring. For Vince to physically get involved in ANY angle is a sign that he believes it can make money, so I have to believe that McMahon was behind Hardy at some point. And Hardy’s return promo was so…let’s say emotional that even JR and Lawler were verbally cringing on commentary. Of course there’s no smoking gunns that point to this being the reason, but that’s always been one on the more popular internet theories on the subject. What are your thoughts, Mr. O’Donnell?

    • Christopher Chamberlain says:

      I’ve always thought that Matt’s promo was the reason why he ended up doing a five minute-job. It’s been years, but I still remember thinking that it was an embarrassing promo that killed any sort of momentum he had going..

      • MigVastardikaiht says:

        He also left out the promo from the next week. Edge giving the fiery, emotional, money making promo that Matt should have made. I think that was the moment Edge hit the next level.

      • outlawtotheend says:

        That’s the way I heard it, too. Specifically, Matt shot himself in the foot when he got a little too real for everyone’s comfort and said he wished Lita and Edge would die in a fiery car wreck. This is one instance where professional wrestling and real life share something in common: wishing death on someone doesn’t win you many friends (unless you’re Jim Cornette, apparently!), since it has a tendency to come back at you.

  23. Alan says:

    Very well done! Great job Art! I’d like to see more multi-part inductions as well.

  24. Madman MadmanM Szalinski says:

    A reminder why WWE lost three years of this fan’s loyalty. I remember writing a review for SummerSlam 2005 and I believe my exact quote was “Edge vs. Matt Hardy was basically a ten minute long advertisement for TNA.” They’re almost begging you to explore other options at this point.

  25. 80's Guy says:

    Can’t give Matt too much grief about his promos, though. Look at his brother. Yet, for some reason, Jeff was allowed to flourish.

    I always thought Matt had more desire and passion for the business than Jeff did. Even in his short TNA return as “Cold Blood”, he seemed more “into it” than Jeff ever has. Every time I accidentally (because I don’t like to willingly) hear a Jeff Hardy promo I cringe.

  26. George says:

    Hate Edge for what he did. Matt deserves better. Edge has bad karma coming to him. Matt has to go back to Lita. HUGE CORNETTE FACE to Vince for not listening to the fans; his company will suffer tremendously in the end.

leave a comment