CJ Parker

Years before Juice Robinson joined the Bullet Club, he was a young NXT upstart by the name of CJ Parker.

If that name sounds familiar, it’s because it was also Pamela Anderson’s character on Baywatch.

And like everyone’s favorite lifeguard, the wrestler CJ Parker was a total free spirit.

But unlike everyone’s favorite lifeguard, he was also a full-frontal assault on the senses (including smell).

Seriously, look at this guy. He just might have been the most viscerally off-putting wrestler since Bastion Booger.

It’s like someone decided to turn the college liberal meme into a wrestler.

CJ Parker vs. College Liberal Meme

The whole thing was enough to make you say, “Hey! What’s going on?”

NXT’s resident Linda Perry impersonator got an icy reception when he debuted his gimmick…

…defeating a fresh-faced Baron Corbin and his full hairline.

From there, he introduced fans to his new outlook on life (200 micrograms of it, as I understand). Wanting nothing more than to party like it’s Woodstock ’94, Parker told Renee Young to “mellow out” so he could “go with the flow” and other buzzwords.

And yet despite a gimmick scientifically designed to garner cheap heat, the Moonchild Commune resident was supposed to be a babyface. In fact, his first feud was with the self-obsessed model Tyler Breeze.

It did not go well. After he stole Tyler’s phone, Prince Pretty retaliated by cutting off some of his dreads. Fans shouted, “More!”

What exactly did the NXT fans have against the guy?

Oh yeah.

Then, when CJ tried to respond in kind the next week, the fans were aghast, booing Parker…

…then cheering when Breeze escaped with his hair intact.

After six long months, someone finally realized everyone hated this hippie schtick, and so CJ Parker turned heel. If he really wanted to be booed, he could have just carried on as he’d done throughout his babyface run…

…but instead he did something truly despicable: he started caring about the environment. Soon, the newly self-righteous eco-warrior started carrying protest signs to the ring…

…which meant he could no longer dance…

…which was mostly why the fans had booed him in the first place.

One amusing mishap occurred when CJ Parker held a sign reading, “No frilkin’ fracking”. The spelling mistake was part of an angle, it turned out…

…and after his match, he berated his sign-maker.

Problem was, someone clearly fixed the spelling backstage, apparently not knowing the “error” was intentional. When they used the sign in the post-match skit, they had to cover it with a little piece of paper, which both men had to ignore.

Parker’s NXT career came full circle when, a year after winning his “debut” against Baron Corbin…

…Baron Corbin beat him in his “debut”.

Wisely, Parker quit NXT in 2015, making a name for himself in Japan as Juice Robinson. If he wants to be the Juice in AEW, however…

…he’s got a lot of competition.

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