Induction: Kurt Angle, Sex Offender: His 4th “I” was “Intercourse”

43 Submitted by on Thu, 23 May 2013, 19:00

WWE, 2005

Things had not been going well for Kurt Angle ever since 2004. After losing to Eddie Guerrero in a title match that WWE will forever treat as if it were the main event of Wrestlemania XX, Angle was named Smackdown GM and almost immediately was thrown off a balcony by the Big Show.

angle chokeslammed

Then, when the Big Show returned to television, Angle was booed against his attempted murderer. From there, a three-way feud against Show and JBL led to such shenanigans as Angle being duped into greeting Joy Giovanni in the shower with his pants down…

KASO-01

…which was followed up by Angle binding and gagging Joy and stuffing her into the trunk of JBL’s limo to frame the Texan. Apparently, though, WWE was tired of Kurt being a borderline sexual predator…

KASO-02

…which is why they took out the “borderline” part and made Angle a straight-up violent pervert.

Fresh off one of the best Mania matches of all time against Shawn Michaels at Wrestlemania 21, Angle sought a shot at the WWE title by competing in a four-way match. Angle used a steel chair to eliminate Booker T, who would respond in kind by costing Angle the match later on. The feud, however, lacked a certain je ne sais quoi. And for the first time in the history of the English or French languages, “je ne sais quoi” would mean “Kurt Angle trying to sexually assault Booker’s wife Sharmell at every opportunity.”  KASO-04
kurt b word It started off with Kurt calling Sharmell, and I quote, a “gutter slut.” The next week, it would escalate, as Kurt would explain in an interview that he wasn’t trying to cheap-shot Booker by insulting his wife. No, Kurt was simply a man with a vice, a vice that happened to be, you guessed it, “gutter sluts.” In a not-too-subtle promo that made Scott “Big Bad Booty Daddy” Steiner sound like Lord Byron, Kurt explained that he wanted to have sex with Booker T’s wife, and that it couldn’t be just any kind of sex, but “perverted sex.” How perverted? Well, I don’t think I can even bring myself to type it, so I’ll just let Kurt explain it in his own words.
Obviously, Sharmell and her husband were aghast that Angle would — Hold up, I can’t go any further without addressing this. For those who didn’t listen to that sound bite, Kurt said that he wanted to have “bestiality sex” with Sharmell. Did WWE really consider that the best choice of words? Had Kurt or any of the WWE writers ever looked up “bestiality” in the dictionary? At the same meeting where WWE Creative debated and settled on the term, “gutter slut,” did they also green-light the use of the word, “bestiality” on broadcast television? Were they planning on one-upping the suffering of such four-legged friends as Pepper and Lucy by bringing the Huffmans’ family dog into this feud? Kurt’s promo raised far more questions than it answered. KASO-05
 KASO-06 Still, Kurt had yet to venture out of the territory of “verbally-abusive admitted pervert,” but that changed during that night’s Booker-Angle main event, which saw Kurt leave the match to barge into a screaming Sharmell’s room backstage and shut the door. Fans at home (the few of them still watching WWE at this point) were left in the dark, as WWE’s camera crew wouldn’t enter the room to stop an attempted rape until Booker T burst in. Now that’s journalistic integrity! Unfortunately for Booker, Angle ambushed the five-time WCW champion when he arrived.
Angle would go on to explain in a mandatory apology that Sharmell had “molested” him, “fondled [his] privates,” and had only been screaming because she wanted more of Kurt’s Olympic-sized member (my words, unfortunately, not his). Kurt proved he could still be hilarious, even when playing the part of a psychotic rapist. I’m not sure that was what WWE was going for, but it at least gave the story line some redeeming value.  fmp
 tv kick So did this martial arts kick to the TV set.
The video package for Booker T and Kurt Angle’s pay-per-view match answered all of the lingering questions from Kurt Angle’s “bestiality” promo with an emphatic “yes” (except for the one about looking up the definition of the word, and the one about the family dog). The video, which could also double as a campaign ad for Linda McMahon’s next election opponent, not only repeated Kurt’s use of the “B-word,” but also featured the term “gutter slut” three separate times. Sadly, it omitted Kurt’s line about the “Spinaroonie” that would make you never look at Booker T’s trademark dance move the same way again. KASO-07
 KASO-08 Kurt wasn’t done yet, though, as the night of Judgment Day saw Kurt send Sharmell a box of lingerie and handcuffs (but fortunately, no doggie treats) for their post-match festivities.
This sent Booker into a rage, sparking a backstage manhunt for Kurt Angle that featured what appeared to be Paul London in a towel taking a leak in the background. This would never happen in today’s WWE; people wait until the Divas’ matches to do that. KASO-09
 angle couch Kurt then showed up in the Huffmans’ dressing room, mounting Sharmell on the couch, and covering her mouth. There is absolutely no way to find humor in this disturbing scene, so instead I’ll just let you listen to Kurt saying, “she fondled my privates” again.
Booker T beat Kurt in their Judgment Day match, but that didn’t stop Kurt from trying to rape Sharmell right then and there in the ring. His plan was apparently to handcuff Sharmell to the ring ropes and force himself upon her, perhaps forgetting the tens of thousands of witnesses in the arena and the hundreds of thousands of witnesses watching at home. You would think he would have tried this at a TNA pay-per-view, not here.  KASO-10
KASO-11 Kurt’s unspeakable plan backfired, though, when Booker T handcuffed the Olympic gold medalist to the ropes before he could commit in-ring sexual assault. On an unrelated note, why do you think it is that amateur wrestling aficionados don’t like to acknowledge Kurt’s pro career? Sharmell then slapped him silly before kicking him in the groin…
…literally beating the snot out of him.  KASO-12
 angle sharmell head hold Kurt hadn’t learned his lesson, though, as he soon after competed against both Booker and Sharmell in a handicap match, which can be summed up in these incriminating photos and gifs.
KASO-13 KASO-14
Angle still insisted that Sharmell wanted him bad, and it would take yet another victory by Booker T to finally vanquish Kurt. It’s amazing the kinds of problems that can be resolved by pinning someone’s shoulders down for three second.  KASO-15
 KASO-16 Somehow, all parties involved in this feud would patch things up, as three years later, Kurt, Booker T, and Sharmell were all aligned in TNA’s Main Event Mafia.

 

As bad as this story line was, it was still beaten out for the 2005 Gooker Award by Jim Ross’s on-screen firing and mock colon surgery. Hell, it apparently wasn’t even the worst rape-related angle from Smackdown in the past twelve months, as the Heidenreich-Cole incident was inducted years ago.

KASO-17

And we can all take comfort in the fact that, after being put in his place by Booker T and being shown how it felt to be put in handcuffs, Kurt Angle straightened up and never broke the law again.

KASO-18

 

Written by

A wrestling fan ever since the days of Wrestlemania IX, Art graduated from college in the same building where Art Donovan called King of the Ring 1994. He currently runs the "How Much Does This Guy Weigh?" blog, where he reviews New Generation-Era Monday Night Raws and Hasbro WWF figures.
43 Responses to "Induction: Kurt Angle, Sex Offender: His 4th “I” was “Intercourse”"
  1. Matt Soileau says:

    Best. Art0Donnell. Induction. Ever.

  2. Daniel Evers says:

    Lulz, I think that every Art article should have a funny ending irony , just to make the things more hilarious XD. And, like always, a very good article mr. Donnell! Keep it up!

  3. Shawn Doc Girt says:

    im at a loss for wordz. except great induction az alwayz.

  4. Down With OPC says:

    This probably would have won the Gooker had it occurred later in the year, when people had less of a chance to forget about it.

  5. Sir Thomas says:

    Wow, I forgot all about that one.

  6. Paul says:

    So he wasn’t comfortable with the mock crucifixion of Sandman in ECW, made a big ol’ stink about that, but this is perfectly fine? Yeesh.

    • Charles Johnson says:

      He was just coming off winning the gold when the Sandman thing happened. So he was relatively not all pilled up, and making top guy loot. You win the belt a couple of times and then it all goes to hell

    • hobu0 says:

      Haha I thought about that too the first time I watched the Rise and Fall of ECW.

  7. Alan says:

    Awesome as always! I also wondered the same thing that crap like this was okay, but the crucifix incident in ECW was not. Both angles were in poor taste.

  8. BeaverCleavage says:

    Wait, how was this not inducted before? This is worse than Macho Man having to wait to enter the WWE HOF.

  9. E-Squared says:

    I have been waiting, and I mean WAITING for you to induct this. Well, the wait was worth it because this was a great induction. I like how you ended the article the same way you ended last week’s Angle induction, with a subtle joke about Angle’s issues.

    With two consecutive Kurt Angle inductions so far, do you think you will induct “Endgame”? PLEASE INDUCT THAT MOVIE! I have never seen it, but I have heard how awful that movie is and the funny thing about it is that Kurt played a rapist in that movie as well, a little too well from what I have heard.

  10. s1mon86 says:

    I am sure WWE treats UT vs. Kane as the main event of WMXX, I am shocked they haven’t messed around with history and declared that match a WHC title match yet

    • Jeremy says:

      What do you mean? Everyone knows the main event of WrestleMania XX was a one-on-one match between Triple H and Shawn Michaels that inexplicably ended in a draw when Shawn Michaels was counted out while Triple H simultaneously tapped out even though he was alone in the ring. The fans were so pissed off by that point (and they had sat through Lesnar-Goldberg already), WWE had to send Eddie Guerrero back out to hold up the WWE Title and celebrate alone in the ring.

      • CBCB says:

        And then the World Heavyweight Championship was vacated until SummerSlam, where Randy Orton became the youngest champion in history simply by occupying the ring by himself for twenty minutes.

      • Chris says:

        Actually the main event was a triple threat match between Triple H, Shawn Michaels, and Dean Malenko which Malenko won when he made Triple H tap out to the Texas Cloverleaf.

        • The Cabana Formerly Belonging To Carlito says:

          I don’t think it was Dean Malenko. Wasn’t it Stevie Richards?

          • Jimbolian says:

            That’s right. That wasn’t Stevie’s first WrestleMania headlined as he also was in the main event at WM 2000 against Rocky Melvin, Mike Foley, and Nipple H.

          • Wes Kirk says:

            What are you all going on about? The main event was a triple-threat between Triple H, Michaels, and Chris Benoit which Benoit won. How can you ‘fans’ have forgotten that?

          • Ewa Beach Boy says:

            Becasue WWE wants us to forget ‘He Who Shall Not be Named’.

  11. Brian E says:

    Dear god, I totally forgot about this…as if the WWE hasn’t had enough sexually charged storylines over the last decade. Makes me kind of glad they toned it down in recent years.

    Kurt Angle: from “I like to play with little boys” to “bestiality sex”…how does he get stuck with saying all the stupid stuff?

    • The Scanian Maniac says:

      But with today’s PG rating and kids as the focus group, the wrestling seems to disappear completely and it’s just mass promos and dancing in the ring.

      I’ll take sexually charged storylines over that, anytime.

  12. "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

    I’m convinced that Kurt has some kind of serious mental disorder.

  13. Tim says:

    when he said bestiality i could not stop laughing… and you would think wwe could just censor it because it was recorded on Tuesday and shown on Friday

  14. Jay says:

    Well done Art ODonnell. You made this Marine laugh his ass off even though it’s 112 degrees outside. Wearing my headphones to listen to “beastiality sex” and “fondled my privates”. Everyone keeps looking at me like i’m insane because i’m laughing so hard.

  15. patricko says:

    I had forgotten about this. It was so bad, and so unpleasant to watch that… I didn’t.
    F*ck, here’s another chapter in the Angle / Sharmell story, time to turn the channel.
    Made me genuinely dislike Angle, because he simply seemed a bit TOO into it.

    I have to think that this was NOT a big ratings draw. I can only hope that people got fired for it.

  16. Simplerollup says:

    Kurt Angle ……rapist= Bad
    Kurt Angle…..gutter slut afficinado= Money

  17. Anonymous says:

    Was there really a storyline where Heidenreich bunghole raped Cole? Was there a point in time in history where someone actually said “Y’know what professional wrestling needs more of? GAY RAPE!”?

  18. Paul says:

    SFMP 4 Life!

  19. Peter says:

    Kurt Angle’s beastiality: from Sharmell to KAAAAAHHHHHNNNNN*!!!!

    *copyright Blade Braxton

  20. No Pants Mafia says:

    Um, yeah I’m glad I was taking a break from wrestling during this time period. I was dating a girl whose sister got raped, and holy shit would this angle have caused problems. I knew about that bestiality angle and laughed it off, but this is the perhaps the first time I’m straight up offended by an angle (pun not intended). Who the fuck in creative thought this was entertaining?

    • Rose Harmon says:

      Thanks for saying so. I read this and thought it should have come with a “trigger warning.” I’m glad my local cable wasn’t carrying UPN at the time, so I don’t remember this.

  21. Eric Hinkle says:

    I simply have to wonder how and why not just Angle, but Booker and his wife went along with this horrible, horrible idea.

    • "The Big Cheese" Paul Kraft says:

      They all liked being employed, I’d imagine.

      • John Darc says:

        Didn’t this angle lead to Sharmell having a much larger (read: existent) on-screen presence on WWE and TNA television? Queen Sharmell, and all that.

        She didn’t HAVE to be part of this angle, just like she didn’t HAVE to be on TV. I’m sure they would have found some other married wrestler to saddle with the rape angle.

  22. Wyatt says:

    I’ve been waiting for years for this induction.

  23. Mook says:

    Wow, this induction had me laughing hysterically. I remember Angle on Wrestling Observer Live shortly after departing WWE, and he said this angle was the one he was most uncomfortable with.

  24. Evan Waters says:

    If you don’t mind I’m just going to link to this whenever somebody says that WWE’s main problem was that they went PG.

  25. John Darc says:

    Kurt Angle allegedly didn’t know what bestiality was when he did this angle. And even after he figured it out, I guess they made him keep going with it.

    Kurt Angle eventually learned his lesson about messing with other dudes’ wives with the whole Karen thing, right?

    Right?

  26. DSF says:

    Excellent induction as always. This storyline was absolutely terrible.

leave a comment