Induction: Chyna vs. Joey Buttafuoco — 9th Wonder of the World vs. 3rd-Degree Rapist

24 Submitted by on Thu, 28 August 2014, 20:00

FOX television, 2002

"Celebrity Boxing 2" Weigh-In

In the early 2000s, the FOX Network hit bottom with a string of sleazy prime-time specials, including Who Wants To Marry A Multimillionaire?, Man vs. Beast, and Celebrity Boxing.

Now, the first Celebrity Boxing special featured such F-list wrestling personalities as WCW and TNA veteran Danny Bonaduce…

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…one-time Juggalo Championsh*t Wrestling grappler Vanilla Ice…

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…and Eddie Guerrero’s one-time valet, Tonya Harding.

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As far as wrestling fans were concerned, this hardly constituted must-see programming.

The second Celebrity Boxing special, though, saw a bona fide future WWE Hall of Famer step into the boxing ring. And that Hall of Famer was…

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William “The Refrigerator” Perry. You didn’t think I meant Chyna, did you?

Hall of Fame rings aside, Chyna did indeed take a turn as a pugilist on FOX, even though, lackluster as she was in the WWF ring, most fans would much rather see her wrestle than see her box. 
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(most fans)

cbox06 Her proposed opponent, “Weird” Al Yankovic, turned down the network’s offer, not jumping for the idea of beating up a woman. Either that, or he wanted to hold out for a big money fight against either Harding or her fellow “Headline News” subject, John Wayne Bobbitt. 
Fortunately for Chyna, another boxer dropped out of his own fight, allowing Laurer onto the show as a last-minute substitute.
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That would-be boxer’s name? John Wayne Bobbitt.

cbox08  That meant that Joanie would be pitted against statutory rapist and all-around sack of crap, 46-year-old Joey Buttafuoco. After years of playing a powerful crusader for equality in the scripted world of wrestling, Chyna could finally strike a literal blow for women the world over by knocking out the sleazy womanizer.
Anyone who saw Laurer debut in the WWF would have thought her to be a shoo-in, but a lot had happened between 1997 and 2002. First, Laurer had gotten lots of cosmetic surgery on her face. cbox09
cbox10  Nose jobs and jaw-sculpting don’t necessarily affect one’s ability to fight, but Joanie wasn’t about to risk the face that launched a thousand ships (all of them yachts bought by plastic surgeons with Chyna money). That meant cumbersome, oversized headgear and a fighting style that saw Laurer take punches to the back of the head.
Second, while Chyna had once been the definition of a “Glamazon” (except for the “glamor” part. Is there another term I should be using instead of “Glamazon”?), she had trimmed down considerably since then as part of her male-to-female transition. That is to say, when she started wrestling women instead of men. cbox11 
cbox12 When the fight got underway, the size difference was obvious. (Speaking of obvious, it turns out Laurer was the one in the red shorts — the one who’s a woman and not boxing topless)
Also obvious? Chyna couldn’t throw a punch. cbox13 
cbox14.1 But what she lacked in size and technique, she made up for in guts, except for all the times when she turned her back to Joey so she could run away or protect her expensive face.
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Showing utter disdain for his opponent’s abilities… cbox15
cbox16 …Buttafuoco tossed Chyna to the mat.
Chyna landed one good punch, to little effect, but that didn’t stop the announcers from trying to paint the match as an even fight cbox17 
cbox99 …even as Buttafuoco knocked Laurer down again…
…and pummeled her until her gargantuan protective headgear covered her eyes. cbox19
cbox20 In the end, Chyna survived with her million-dollar face intact, but lost by judges’ decision, no doubt to the announcers’ shock.
Joey Buttafuoco used his victory speech to offer a cutting critique of the penal system. (John Bobbitt broke out into a cold sweat after reading that last sentence) cbox21
"Celebrity Boxing 2"  Weigh-In Chyna, on the other hand, would not accept her defeat, blaming Joey’s dirty tactics (such as throwing her around and landing lots and lots of punches) for the loss. She then challenged Joey to a fight “in my ring and go by my rules.” Having forgotten that she no longer wrestled in WWE and that the outcomes of pro wrestling matches have always been pre-determined anyway, Chyna was immediately rushed to the hospital for fear of brain damage.
   

Her credibility against male competitors shot to pieces, Laurer then ventured into the sex tape and reality TV circuit, staying out of the boxing world.

Years later, though, she would parlay her 0-1 boxing record into a training gig with…

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…Joey Buttafuoco, whom she coached in a losing effort against Amy Fisher’s husband. I’m sure she would have much preferred managing Randy Savage against Triple H, but beggars can’t be choosers.

And of course, Chyna has recently returned to the adult film world with “Backdoor to Chyna,” where, as the name implies, she gets, uh… Buttafuoco’d.

Written by

A wrestling fan ever since the days of Wrestlemania IX, Art graduated from college in the same building where Art Donovan called King of the Ring 1994. He currently runs the "How Much Does This Guy Weigh?" blog, where he reviews New Generation-Era Monday Night Raws and Hasbro WWF figures. Email at: art@wrestlecrap.com
24 Responses to "Induction: Chyna vs. Joey Buttafuoco — 9th Wonder of the World vs. 3rd-Degree Rapist"
  1. Arriba McIntyre says:

    Hamazon*. The word you were looking for was ‘Hamazon’.

  2. Mike W says:

    This induction brings back a lot of bad memories. For one thing it didn’t sound like terrible idea on paper in 2002. I think we as a society were in that strange transition from late 90s crash TV to the kind of TV we have now. But watching this now, I think this was for lack of a better term crap TV at it’s finest. One thing that shocked me though is that Weird Al Yankovic was considered for this or the fact that there was actual planning for something like this. Great induction as always but I think you should’ve inducted both specials because like I said they were Trash TV at it’s finest.

    • Art0Donnell says:

      Weird Al would have been the only participant whose career experienced a resurgence after Celebrity Boxing. Actually, he’d have been practically the only person with any sort of success at all since Celebrity Boxing.

  3. Foreign Object says:

    Kudos to you on the Randy Savage/Steph reference. Subtle.

  4. Guest says:

    Oh god early 2000 Fox was pure unadulterated reality crap.

    • That Don Guy says:

      “Early 2000″ – those were the days of Fox reality crap, like “Stars In Danger: The High Dive” and “I Wanna Marry Harry”. Oh, wait, those were in 2013 and 2014, weren’t they?

      • Guest says:

        Those are terrible shows but those early 2000 shows, such as Celebrity boxing, the Simple Life, Joe Millionaire, Forever Eden, Paradise Hotel, Boot Camp, these were far worse and even inspired by some of those shows.

  5. Down With OPC says:

    Number one reason Jay Sherman is lost in the desert: Buttafuoco, Buttafuoco, Buttafuoco!

  6. Anonymous says:

    This entire thing… I don’t even.

  7. The Doctor of Style says:

    Ah, William “The Fridge” Perry.

    Former Wrestlecrap contributor Sean Carless wrote an article about GI Joe figures, including the special edition Perry figure. He theorized that the Joes could kill all the Cobras by hanging a hot dog in front of Perry and telling him all the mustard was in the Terrordrome.

  8. Sir Thomas says:

    Further proof that reality was the worst thing to ever happen to television.

  9. Cpt SuckerPunch says:

    “all around sack of crap”, hahah!….i love that line…

  10. Al Lobama says:

    I could have sworn that the whole Celebrity Boxing episode featuring Chyna was inducted already.

  11. John C says:

    BREAKING NEWS: PWI reports that Sack of Crap vs Sack of Flour was voted as feud of the year. Sack of Crap was asked how do they feel about this, “Pretty shitty.” Sack of Flour upon being asked this question responded, “Dohhh.”

  12. Mister Forth says:

    1) Reality TV at that time made Total Divas look slightly less insulting.2) I love how he seems surprised people booed him. #Bootafuoco. 3)I love he thought about her training him for his next fight.

  13. Mike says:

    Believe it or not, Celebrity Boxing is still a thing in the 2010s. I remember a preview for a pay per view called Celebrity Fight Night three years ago. It had Coolio, some fuckhead from Baywatch, José Canseco, Kato Kaelin, Michael Lohan, Joey Buttafuoco, Amy Fisher, Amy Fisher’s husband (who fought Joey Buttafuoco at that event),The Octomom, and the White House party crasher if anyone remembers that guy. As you can with celebrities like that, that would even scrape the bottom of the barrel in 2011. To even say bottom of the barrel would be an insult to barrels. Hell they even had an event with George Zimmerman fighting rapper DMX. This kind of thing still exists, it’s just not on our television anymore.

  14. Brad says:

    Everytime I see Joey Buttafuoco I think of Jim Carrey playing him on In Living Color……”Joeybuttafuocoovaheah!”

  15. Doc75 says:

    maybe it wouldve been better if they had all fought on “Celebrity Deathmatch”?

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