The Original Demolition

The Original Demolition

It is well noted by those who know me, that I claim to be the world’s biggest Demolition mark. They were and are still to this day dismissed as Road Warrior rip-offs, but I don’t care what anybody says – Ax and Smash stomped on whatever labels placed on them, and in the end they had the longest tag-team title reign in modern history. In addition to the countless hours of my youth spent worshiping Ax & Smash, I also have a small shrine to them in my spare bedroom (OK, I’ll admit, Mrs.Blade had it relegated to the closet a few months back). Posters, t-shirts, action figures, trading cards, magazines, buttons, plastic cups, heck, I’ve even got a jar of Demolition peanut butter. I’m even a six pack and a bad idea away from getting a Demolition tattoo. All of it as a lasting tribute to the legacy of Ax & Smash, brought to life by grapplers Bill Eadie & Barry Darsow. However, you can bet your bottom dollar, that there would be no shrine in any room of my house, barring the toilet, had the team of the original “Demolition” you see here lasted more than just a few matches.

Like most other warped and demented kids of the time, I was a huge fan of the Friday the 13th horror film series. Imagine my joy when I discovered two guys who looked like Jason Voorhees clones headed towards the wrestling ring. These guys looked so bad-ass in their black hockey masks, I can only assume they were twins conceived in some kind of passionate affair Mama Voorhees had with Shaft on the Paramount studio lot one steamy day.

The entrance was great. The only mystery left, was how creepy these guys would look underneath the masks…

Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! Talk about your Halloween horrors. Is that Bill Eadie, or Ronald McDonald dressed up in black face for some trick-or-treating?

And here’s Ax’s partner, complete with green hair, “Smash,” portrayed by Moondog Rex aka Randy Colley.

Ladies and gentlemen, here’s the team that’s gonna make you forget all about those muscle-headed Legion Of Doofus’ down south…’s DEMOLITION. In order to make everyone scared of this new tag team, Vince provided a mugshot of when Ronald and the green Fry-Guy were arrested for some illegal back door hanky-panky with that purple dumb-ass, Grimace. ( Now you know how he got his name!!)

And what’s up with the pepperoni pizza imprinted on his forehead?

Now, let’s make a quick rundown of everything that’s quickly gone downhill since they first entered the ring.

1) Red and green colored hair. Great idea for your 8 year-old sister’s punk-rocked theme slumber party. Bad if you are a pasty complected, 275 pound man approaching the age of 40. To make things worse, they added freakin’ sparkles to their hair.

2) The S&M gear. Maybe they could get away with it if were totally buff muscle-heads, making you think about how many hot dominatrices they banged in their spare time. However, seeing two middle-aged white guys decked out in it, it’s grounds for having a sexual predator officer to be at the Gorilla position at all times for the safety of the entire arena. Did I mention they also had sparkles in their hair?

3) They were managed by Johnny V. Not exactly the type of ruthless manager that Mr.Fuji would be later on for Demolition. Sure Johnny V. was a no good son of a b’, but his sleazy character seemed like one who would be more interested in pimping Smash out for an S&M escort date than a championship. “Tag team titles what, I can make an extra $100 if Smash goes over to his house with a ball-gag in his mouth!!!!” Again, I repeat….sparkles in hair.

4) Last but not least, the only thing that could be as bad as sparkles in the hair…furry boots. Sigh, those boots were made for walkin’….right on down to the WWF’s undercard.

As bad as they looked appearance wise, the team chemistry was even worse. With one of their opponents for the evening being “Superfly” Sivi Afi, this pseudo “clone war” ended up getting pretty ugly. Thanks to the “Not So Superfly”, there were so many blown spots in the match, I’m surprised Rex’s old Moondog partner didn’t show up in in ring to receive a blow job from a nearby Federette.

Thankfully, the match quickly concluded with the now famous Demolition decapitation finisher. A decapitation so dull, a statue of the Land Of Lakes lady made completely of warm butter would likely only get a sore throat from said maneuver.

This version of Demolition would not be long for the world. Both times that Rex made an appearance as Smash, the fans chanted, “Moondog, Moondog” at him. Knowing this would kill the gimmick, Vince brought in Barry Darsow, fresh off his stint as Krusher Krusheav in the NWA to replace Randy Colley as the new “Smash.”

At first glance, the bald Darsow didn’t look much better in the paint, but in time his hair would grow and he went on to to rock one hell of a mullet, and Demolition would be on the path towards their record breaking ways. With the combination of both guys perfecting their brawling tactics, and continuing to mesh as a team, they went on to move a little bit out of the mighty shadow of the Road Warriors, and carve out a tag-team legacy of their own, something few who saw the first incarnation of Demolition thought could be possible.

And unlike the team of Eadie and Colley, the combination of Darsow and Eadie let their characters, teamwork, and great chemistry do the sparkling.

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