This silly column has been on the site for years, and somehow, somehow, we’ve never featured a NIKITA KOLOFF SQUASH???!!!! How is that even possible? For years he was one of my all-time favorite merchants of misery to hapless doughbags who didn’t belong in the same ring with him. So today we are going to right the ship as the Russian Nightmare takes on Mac Jeffers.
It doesn’t take long for Nikita to just start mauling Jeffers, jamming him into the ropes, landing a few knees, then tossing him to the outside like a sack of garbage. If that isn’t bad enough for the guy, he gets Uncle Ivan out there giving him the bad mouth as well.
I know a lot of guys like to do that “bend the guy backwards over the top rope and throw forearms at him” thing today, but they all look like utter geeks compared to the mighty Nikita. Seriously, he’s hitting the guy so hard Jeffers’ feet are leaving the ground!
Nikita finally lets Mac back inside, and the beating continues, with an elbow to the face off the ropes. Nikita then muscles him into the corner, throwing Jeffers across the ring with what I can only describe as a CHOKE TOSS. I’d ask why no one does that these days, but I know the answer already: because ain’t nobody like Nikita Koloff!
A body slam and a leg drop come next. I see that and I can only weep a bit inside that we never got a Nikita vs. Hulk Hogan program. Both those guys at their height would have sold out ten Silverdomes.
At this point Jeffers commits the cardinal sin of actually trying to get some offense on Nikita, and Koloff responds with an elbow across the bridge of his nose. To be honest, he got off easy. He deserved far worse for that horrible dropkick.
Nikita stalks Jeffers like a lion ready to take down a zebra before demolishing him with the legendary Russian Sickle. Nikita picks up Jeffers for another one, but the poor jobber just collapses back to the mat in an incredible spot.
But Nikita ain’t done yet! He picks Jeffers up by the hair and holds him aloft so he can in fact deliver one more Sickle. Utter destruction like this is what this series is all about – my sincere apologies it took us this long to add you, Nikita! Rest assured you’ll have more time in our spotlight soon!