Time for your weekly dose of “in what universe could this match have ever happened”, we head back to WWE Smackdown in 2005 as we get…
…your Olympic hero Kurt Angle taking on, oh yes…
…current AEW superstar Roderick Strong! This would have been part of the Kurt Angle invitational, wherein he invited ‘local competitors’ every week to come out and try to last three minutes with him. They didn’t need to beat him – they just needed to make it to the measly 180 second time limit. And if they did?
They won his Olympic gold medal!
So young Roddy comes running out and he tells Kurt he is from RIGHT HERE IN TAMPA, FLORIDA!!! Kurt sees Roddy spazzing out and is like dude, chill the freak out the match hasn’t even started yet.
But Roddy goes even nuttier, slapping Kurt right upside the head! Now if you think that’s a really bad idea, well, you’d be right. And Roddy immediately realizes that and starts running for the hills. Just one problem there, Kurt is actually an Olympic athlete and he’s VERY fast. I’ve seen a lot of outside the ring chases before, and this one is the best ever. Unfortunately for Roddy, Kurt immediately catches up and starts beating the ever loving crap out of him.
He picks up Roddy, but misses a clothesline that allows Roddy to get a roll up for two. Roddy then bounces off the rope and, well, let’s just say he doesn’t miss a second clothesline. In fact, he nearly decapitates Strong in the process.
Then Kurt goes all Olympic gold medalist and then starts stretching him like salt water taffy. Holy smokes is this great.
Roddy gives it one last shot, popping Kurt in the face. How does Kurt respond you ask? By tossing Strong completely upside down right on top of his head. I LOVE THIS MATCH.
The end is inevitable, as Kurt pulls down the straps and wastes no more time putting Roddy in the ankle lock, and Strong begins tapping out faster than Neil Peart playing Tom Sawyer. Would you believe me if I told you this was the best squash I’ve watched this year? Oh it’s true. It’s damn true!