Really – someone requested a Larry Zbyszko SQUASH match. Which led me to my normal dread: how on earth do you properly spell his last name? And why didn’t he just go with his given last name of WHISTLER to make my life a bit easier? Once I got past that, the real question hit: is a Larry Zbyszko squash match even possible? Wasn’t his entire gimmick built around stalling and doing as little as possible in the ring? Am I looking at a 47-minute SQUASH match ahead of me? One way to find out!
This one comes to use courtesy of WCW Saturday Night and I simply had to include Larry’s entire entrance through the most 1990s set you ever did see. From the framed (!!!!) posters of wrestlers on the walls to various doors in a hallway that could not possibly lead anywhere, this is glorious. And that’s without even mentioning the neon signage! I’d also be remiss to not bring up Larry’s completely over the top entrance theme, which sounds like a beta version of Bill Goldberg’s theme…which has to be the only time in history someone has compared Goldberg to Larry Z.
His foe today would be AVENGER, who is sporting the worst looking pro wrestling match ever. Holy smokes, that legit looks like something you’d see on, well, a 1990s sitcom where they were shoehorning a wrestler into the script. You could totally see Kramer wearing that on Seinfeld, right?
So the bells rings, and Larry immediately goes for a grapple, then a mule kick, then a snap mare, then a body slam…all in the span of about 10 seconds! Wait, is this Larry Zbyszko we’re talking about here? Can’t be – this guy here is a freaking whirlwind of action!
But at the end of the day, this is still Larry Zbyszko we’re talking about, so he slows things down with a rest hold. But it’s one of the wackiest rest holds ever and he is THE CRUNCHER, so I will cut him a bit of slack here.
And the parade of zaniness continues as Larry busts out the STUMP PULLER! Seeing Larry channel the spirit of Doink the Clown may be even more random than him having a Goldberg entrance theme.
Avenger is then flipped upside down and tied to the infamous TREE OF WOE. Larry kicks away, then throws his fist into the air as a sign of victory. Always crazy to me that Larry was a babyface for most of his WCW run, but no denying he was over with the fans here today!
Larry goes for a series of covers, but Avenger isn’t done yet, kicking out of a pair before getting waylaid with a neckbreaker. And say what you will about Larry, but his moves looks so crisp. Crazy to think he was only 41 years old here. He’d been around forever, I pegged him as way older than that.
Larry remembers he’s not getting paid by the hour, so he hoists this geek up and destroys him with a nice looking brainbuster, and that nets him the three count. Yep, this was a miracle. No real stalling, just Zbyszko beating up a hapless soup can for a couple minutes and getting the duke. A worthy SQUASH of the week if I ever saw one!