The Superstars Of The New Generation Magazine

Crapper Louis Izzo writes:

Hello again from a long-time ‘Crapper. As someone who collects worthless magazines published by the WWF, it’s no surprise that for a while, they released yearly specials that is basically a reminder of what the roster is to casual fans. The series appeared to be discontinued after the 1993 issue (Superstars VIII), possibly because Vince McMahon hates when numbers get too high, making things sound too old, but here we are with the Superstars of the New Generation: Book 1 (No, there is no Book 2.)

I normally wouldn’t bat an eye at such a thing, but after the first 6 or so Superstars (Bret, Shawn, Razor, ‘Taker, Diesel…), it’s like a Wrestlecrap roll-call. Instead of actually naming the gimmick, I thought it would be much more fun to describe the character, to really hammer home the stupidity.

Deep breath…

– Bam Bam Bigelow’s attire that was stolen for Katy Perry’s 2015 Super Bowl Halftime performance (Sorry, had to get that one in there)
– A formerly unsophisticated Samoan who is “tryin’ to make a difference.”
– An evil teacher
– A washed-up has been from the mid 80’s who headlined WrestleMania 2. Did I mention this was the NEW Generation?
– A pig farmer who’s initials ironically spell HOG
– An uptight snob from Greenwich, CT
– A Race-car driver from Talladega, AL
– A UFC-wanna-be who shares a strange resemblance to a former WWF Voodoo priest
– A pirate. A PIRATE.
– Some doofus in tye-dye who plays a guitar that is designed like the old WWF logo
– Grunge rocker who quickly became a fitness enthusiast in training.
– Dustin Rhodes with black ear paint.
– A hulking, evil dentist… with bad teeth.
– Razor Ramon’s newfound Caribbean friend who shares a strange resemblance to the mysterious Ninja that disappeared from TV a week earlier.
– A guy nicknamed after a Jelly-Fish and wearing a Yellow jockstrap on his face.
– Stereotypical Jewish nerd.
– Garbage Man.
– Fat trailer trash that resembles Roseanne Barr/Arnold.
– Alternative-Lifestyle Cowboys… it’s the mustaches.
– Dumbass Clown and his midget doppelganger
– Two fat black guys dressed in Purple who used to rap about things but now hate everybody. One’s a King.
– Fitness Guru and his attractive valet.
– Crazy old man who declares running for Presidency.
– The Bushwhackers. In 1995. Sorry for breaking the “not naming the gimmick rule”, but that needs to be addressed. THE BUSHWHACKERS. IN 1995! (and this would be the end of the year, so really, a preview of 1996… with The Bushwhackers)
– Oversized Twins from the “Appalachian Mountains.”
– Finally, to round it out… Todd Pettengill.

How did this company NOT go under in 1995?

Discuss This Crap!