Quick Note from RD: Usually, I comment on whatever you, my fellow Crappers, submit. This is one time, however, when I am rendered speechless. Travie Yak, take it away!
Travie Yak: Following the success of Jesse “the Body” Ventura in winning the Governorship of Minnesota, it should have come to no surprise that another wrestler would try and win himself a match in the political ring. Unfortunately that man was not Bob Backlund or Hulk Hogan, two men who often vowed to win their rightful seat in the White House, no it was in fact Nikolai Volkoff.
In 2006, Nikolai entered the Maryland Republican Primary for State Delegate in District 7 (representing parts of Baltimore & Harford County) in Maryland. From the start his campaign was one for the ages, as he started a myspace page wherein he announced his candidacy in someone’s back yard, as well as his own website that looked to be designed by a ten year old (and sadly no longer exists). In order to gather funds for such an endeavor, he began to take donations in which if you donated twenty-five dollars or more you would receive a t-shirt showing that you support him and his campaign!
Not one to give up on a once in a lifetime chance to own some crappy wrestling related merchandise, I wrote a check and sent it to Volkoff HQ! Here’s what I got:
You have to hand it to Volkoff, as it takes a clever mind to put a stamp over the U.S.S.R. and proclaim it’s really U.S.A. I mean, it’s nice to see that he was running for office as a face and not a heel, because as his campaign slogan reads: “An American Dream for Everyone”. Does that mean we all get our own Dusty Rhodes if he wins?
Well, ask anyone you know who voted for him, because in the end Nikolai Volkoff actually did the impossible and won the election!
Haha, no, I’m just kidding! In fact, he suffered a horrible loss.
Although, this story does indeed have a happy ending. As a few months after his loss I was sent another one of a kind piece of wrestling merchandise that I currently have framed up in my room:
An envelope arrived at my door, complete with a letter inside, thanking me for my twenty-five dollar contribution to his campaign and that—wait, what?! My contribution isn’t tax-deductible?
Now that doesn’t make any cents!