From Fellow Crapper Sideshow Shan: “My best friend stumbled across this audio tape when he was helping his parents get rid of all his crap in their attic. He has NEVER been a wrestling fan and has no idea why he had it. He did say he remembered it coming with a headband/wristband set and some small weights. He doesn’t remember if he bought it himself, or if someone gave it to him. He’s sticking with the gift story because why would anyone admit to picking this out themselves?
I warn you…listening to this tape my cause nightmares. You thought the Mean Gene/Hogan training session sounded like a bad porno…you haven’t heard anything yet!”
RD: Since our good friend Matt over at X-Entertainment has already covered this somewhat, I thought we’d take a different approach on this one. Basically, Sideshow sent this tape to me, and as is outlined above, his friend (aka SOMEONE) bought this. Or didn’t. Maybe this week it should be “Someone Claims They Didn’t Buy This”.
Anyway, all we have is the audio tape, so let’s review it and it alone (besides, ol’ fat RD would look mighty silly wearing those armbands).
The Hulkster starts off by explaining that this workout set is not a toy. He actually goes on and on about how it’s not a toy for like 10 minutes, just in case the kid is totally Eugene and just doesn’t get it. At one point he said, “I don’t want any of you little Hulksters to hit yourselves in the head!” What kind of idiot kid drops a 2 pound barbell on his head?
Hogan also makes reference to a poster, and I am so sad that I don’t have it I nearly burst into tears. What, pray tell, could be on it? Pictures of Hogan lifting weights? Pictures of Hogan flexing? Pictures of Hogan dropping weights on his head? Or maybe it had his favorite workout:
THE GENE BARROW!
Anyway, I was about 15 minutes into the tape, my wife walks in and hears this clip.
With God Above as my witness, she asked, “What on earth are you listening to?”
“A Hulk Hogan workout tape.”
“That sounds like something they’d play at the sperm bank.”
It didn’t help when the Hulkster uttered THIS next.
And then this.
And then this.
Yeah, I don’t think I’d fess up to buying this, either.
Remember, kids – no matter how stupid this week’s item may have been, no matter how much of a fool you feel like for perhaps owning what we’ve written about above, you’ll never be as much of a loser as RD and Blade are. After all, they shelled out $200 for this Katie Vick cheerleader outfit.
Hulkster: “How does it feel? Are you doing it right? Look at the pictures if you have to!”
Hulkster: “Get into the position, and hold it. You shouldn’t feel any pain. If something really hurts, then back off, back off man! And then just go ahead and try it again!”
Hulkster: “Keep on a pushin’ man, keep on a pumpin’!”
Hulkster: “Alright man, you better keep it up!”
You know, I’m just glad he didn’t start talking about the (One) Eye of the Hulkster.