Crapper Louis Izzo writes:
Hello again from a long-time ‘Crapper. The Christmas season has passed, and I just couldn’t imagine sharing this with anyone but the rest of the Wrestlecrap fanbase. Everyone who knows me knows I’m a geek for rasslin’, video games, and other assorted tags that would label most people a virgin for life, and to no surprise, I was greeted with a few presents from the wonderful world of the WWE merchandise department. No, I won’t go into detail about a child’s Intercontinental Championship belt I received (white strap, mo’fo’s!), but one very odd item… a board game, circa 1999, called BATTLE FOR THE BELTS.
I’m a frequent eBay user who’s found some oddball stuff, but even I couldn’t find a copy of this for sale. VCR WrestleMania game? Easy. Wrestling Challenge from Milton Bradley? Check. Hell, even the Trivia Games from 1998-99 are readily available. Battle For The Belts? Nope. Nowhere. Checking on Amazon, and there’s a limited number available… for $99!!!! Please tell me someone didn’t spend that kind of scratch on this (it was sealed, so… hurray?).
Usually I can find fun in all sorts of whacky games, but this… this takes the cake. The idea is to select a WWF Superstar (options include Austin, Rock, Mankind, Undertaker, Kane, Edge, Chyna, and DEBRA MCMICHAEL), collect four endorsement cards, and roll a pair of 24 sided dice to determine winners in head to head battles. There’s even an overly complicated “ring” to set up using four flimsy pieces of decorated cardboard. This sounds OK, until you try and read the instructions, which might have been written by one Vince Russo. Rules so vague and overly complicated, I read them four times and still had to come to my own conclusion as to what to fucking do. The unfortunate soul playing along with me chose the Undertaker, and I picked my favorite, Kane, and true to life, we sat through 20-minutes of nothing to get to an unsatisfying conclusion. It’s a present I’ll never forget, but damn if I can ever stomach playing it again.
Oh, and dig SCORPIO on the cover. Who put this thing together!?