Kimberly Page Head

0 Submitted by on Thu, 27 December 2012, 14:37

Kimberly Page Head
Text by Blade Braxton

You know, Ebay is a wondrous invention. Why, where else can you find pieces of toast with the Virgin Mary’s face on them that go for thousands of dollars, or shell out almost $100 for five minute phone calls with either Ron Simmons or Buff Bagwell? Definitely some weird stuff out there, and yours truly always keeps an eye out for anything interesting. A few months ago as I was wasting some time browsing, I stumbled upon an item that definitely caught my eye:

“WCW Kimberly Page Head”


Did I just read that right? Head from Kimberly Page? While she may not go down in history as the greatest female sports entertainer of all-time, she was definitely one of the best looking ever and had perhaps the best overall body in the sport.

I was definitely interested in this auction. And get this, you could receive head for a special “buy it now” price of $4.99 + $3.00 shipping and handling. Now, I know Kimberly and Diamond Dallas Page recently split up during the summer, but I didn’t think Kim would go down the tubes so fast. Maybe this low-priced head was really a cry for help. Maybe she just needed an outlet to meet somebody. Have some quality conversation, or something like that. Well, whatever the reason, I quickly plunked down the $4.99 + shipping and paid by Paypal for the fastest service. The person running the auction was rather quiet, not giving me any detail other than I should expect arrival in about three days.

The days came and went, as I anxiously awaited the arrival of my goddess. Then it happened one afternoon. The knock at the door. Oh yeah, talk about one hell of a Nitro Party getting ready to happen.

Flowing with excitement, I jumped up and opened the door. I was stunned to find the object of my fantasy not there. Instead, laying at my feet was a brown box.

Ahhh, I guess she gonna make me play waiting games. Oh well, good things come to those who wait, right? I decided to open the box real fast before Kim arrived.

Maybe it was that new WWE dvd I had ordered from High Spots? Those guys ship fast stuff fast, I wasn’t expecting their package that day. Let me see….

Ahhhhhh!!!!! No, the horror!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This can’t be. I feel like Brad Pitt in the movie Seven. This isn’t happening. Where’s the real Kimberly?!? Where’s my freakin’ blow job?!?

I had to sit down and relax, and then face reality. There would be no X-rated Nitro Party that day. The lovely Ms. Page was not on her way to my door.

As I sit there on my couch, staring blankly at this “Kimberly” head I now possessed, I realized one of life most important lessons once again. Don’t believe anything you read, especially if it’s on eBay. After a little research, I found out that what I had purchased was a 1999 WCW Squeezie head, made by some company called ALPI.

I also learned that a case of the “blue balls” sucks. Oh well, at least I won’t have a pissed off, mad as f*#k DDP trying to kick my ass for messing around with his ex-wife. But I still have those damn “blue balls” though.

Anyone know how much Tygress or Spice would charge for a little service?

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I'm that other WrestleCrap guy who's been around here for ten years. If you wanna know more about me, follow me on Facebook. If you wanna know less, follow me on Twitter.

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