The Human Wrecking Machine Gets Butchered!

We head to Puerto Rico as Abdullah battles Zeus in a NEW INDUCTION!

It was a real quiet week, wasn’t it?

At least it was in Headlies!

In 2019, AEW launched…

…headfirst into WrestleCrap.

The Casino Battle Royale, inducted!

Cody Rhodes is finding out what the real “American Nightmare” is.

Make sure you have your insurance card when reading this week’s Headlie!

You demanded we give this company its first induction…and we FINALLY listened!

A long overdue induction is here!

We have our wallet, phone, and charger. Are we missing anything?

Get “locked in” with a brand new Headlies!

Wanna hear some smart-aleck crap all over other people’s matches? Of course not!

It’s our oldest induction ever!

Hook and Danhausen are Viva Las Vegas.

Place your bets and find out what happens in Headlies!

A Hoss Battle for the Ages – Ted Arcidi vs. Tony Atlas!

Rest Hold-A-Mania is running wild in a NEW INDUCTION!

Is Sasha Banks leaving the WWE?

Tony Khan is making his move in Headlies!

Mania 24? Australian tour? TNA? Nah.

Check out Ric Flair’s *real* last match.

WWE’s Colonel Sanders – inducted!

“Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow!” – Darby Allin’s back

Read this week’s Headlies to find out what else it has to say!

Headlies is ready to cast a spell on “The Wizard” Chris Jericho and his witchy ways.

It’s what the world has been waiting for – Vince McMahon in Animated Otter Form!

Surf’s Up 2: WaveMania…NEW INDUCTION!

All The Latest Crap!

Headlies: The Three Faces Of Johnny Knoxville Enter The Royal Rumble

0 Submitted by on Mon, 31 January 2022, 08:00
St. Louis, MO – Beloved stuntman and actor Johnny Knoxville surprised the WWE Universe by entering the Royal Rumble not once, not twice, but three times. With the Rumble in full swing, Knoxville’s Hollywood actor persona entered at number 5. Hollywood Johnny, sporting black hair and sunglasses, sauntered to the ring. Soaking in the adulation from the St. Louis crowd, Continue Reading...
Read more

Someone Bought This: Punjabi Prison match play set

2 Submitted by on Fri, 28 January 2022, 02:00
It’s the Punjabi Prison match play set! First, for those of you who won’t know what a Punjabi Prison match is, I will copy and paste from the Wikipedia description: The Punjabi Prison match, named after the Punjab state that The Great Khali (the match’s ‘founder’) is billed from, consists of two large bamboo cages. The first being four sided Continue Reading...
Read more

Induction: NXT 2.0 – The 2021 Gooker Award Winner

53 Submitted by on Thu, 27 January 2022, 20:00
As a brand dedicated to developing wrestling talent, there’s more than a little irony in NXT itself evolving and flourishing beyond all expectations, only to be punished for it. Premiering in 2010 as a hybrid wrestling/reality game show for aspiring Superstars, the original NXT soon devolved into a farce that announcers openly mocked, and that SyFy booted off television. After Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: List Of Alternative Names For Walter Leaked

9 Submitted by on Mon, 24 January 2022, 08:00
  Stamford, CT – Fans were in an uproar this week when NXT fan-favorite Walter’s name was inexplicably being changed to Gunther. The anger was quickly magnified after it was revealed that WWE filed a trademark for the name “Gunther Stark”, a name shared by a Nazi U-boat commander. To ease the bad press, a member of the creative team Continue Reading...
Read more

Someone Bought This: Bret Hart is on that new-fangled internet thingy! Cyber!

2 Submitted by on Fri, 21 January 2022, 02:00
This is the cover of the October 1995 issue of WWF Magazine. Look! Apparently Bret Hart is “Sharpshooting Into Cyberspace”! Wow! He sure is hip and modern and cool to be using a computer and the internet! Back when this magazine came out, they charged you by the hour to use AOL. Talk about getting screwed! To be fair, the Continue Reading...
Read more

Congrats to our 2021 Gooker Winner: NXT 2.0!

19 Submitted by on Thu, 20 January 2022, 14:52
Out with the old (which was good), in with the new (not so much)! All herald our 2021 Gooker Award winner, the transition from the black and gold heaven that was NXT to the multi-colored rainbow nightmare NXT 2.0.  There was a worthy crew of competitors, but in the end, Vince’s Frankenstein took the “prize”. There is sooooo much to Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Mickie James Already Fired, Rehired

2 Submitted by on Mon, 17 January 2022, 08:00
Tulsa, OK – Despite announcing her return for the Royal Rumble, Impact Knockout Champion Mickie James has already been fired and rehired by WWE. The shocking, but unsurprising see-saw decision has been felt throughout the wrestling community. The mercurial decisions started early this morning. “That Mickie, she thinks she’s so fine,” muttered McMahon when seeing James at the BOK Center. Continue Reading...
Read more

Someone Bought This: Stupid in America, and Banned In Canada!

5 Submitted by on Fri, 14 January 2022, 02:00
Crapper Paul S. writes: So back during the late 90s/early 00s TSN would air RAW on tape delay and occasionally edit out some of the more violent or racier moments. So looking to make a quick buck the WWF released a “Banned in Canada” VHS tape featuring a whopping 2015 35 minutes of uncensored footage of Steve Austin swearing, DX Continue Reading...
Read more

INDUCTION: The Captain Lou Hotline – As God As My Witness, I Thought Turkeys Could Convince Wrestling Fans to Pay $2 a Minute!

14 Submitted by on Thu, 13 January 2022, 19:05
Pro Wrestling Hotline, 1980’s Unless you were a fan in the mid 1980’s to the turn of the century, I don’t think you can fully grasp just how prevalent hotlines were in the world of professional wrestling. In the days before the world wide webs, getting wrestling news wasn’t very easy. Sure, you could hit the local Super-X and grab Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: “Hi, I’m Mr. Brell. Welcome to Jockass!”

3 Submitted by on Mon, 10 January 2022, 08:00
Hollywood, CA – The wrestling and media world were shocked today by the resurrection of the World Television Network, the miraculous return of head executive Tom Brell, and the announcement of the station’s new flagship show Jockass. “’Jockass’ is the future of television” stated Brell proudly in a press conference earlier today. “Equal parts professional wrestling and dummies hurting each Continue Reading...
Read more

Gooker 2021: Vote for the Very Worst of the Year in Our Legendary Poll!

81 Submitted by on Thu, 06 January 2022, 20:00
Another year come and gone…and is often the case, it was chock full of some of the worst pro wrestling has ever seen!  The real question, though is this: what was the very worst of the very worst? What deserves the legendary WrestleCrap Gooker Award? Using the same creeky old poll mechanism we’ve used since 2003(!!!!!), we present to you Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Julia Hart Falls Off The Face Of The Earth

1 Submitted by on Mon, 03 January 2022, 08:00
Cambridge, MN – After a long and thorough investigation, AEW officials have determined that Julia Hart has fallen completely off the face of the earth. The bubbly cheerleader has not been seen on television since she was blinded by Malakai Black’s black mist. Despite a few scheduled tweets, the Varsity Blonds valet has not been heard from in weeks. “We’ve Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Yule Log Destroys Raw And Dynamite In The Ratings

1 Submitted by on Mon, 27 December 2021, 08:00
New York, NY – The revelation that the Yule log absolutely obliterated both Monday Night Raw and Wednesday Night Dynamite shocked the wrestling world and absolutely no one else. Despite running for 24 hours the entire week, ratings remained high, soundly defeating both wrestling programs. “The traditional burning log has been a Christmas-time television staple for years. It’s a built-in Continue Reading...
Read more

CHRISTMAS INDUCTION: The Munsters’ Scary Little Christmas – Scary? More Like Drug-Fueled

12 Submitted by on Tue, 21 December 2021, 20:00
TV movie, 1996 I’ve been doing these non-wrestling Christmas movie inductions for so long I don’t even remember when I started…but if you are somehow new to the site, I always take the last induction of the year off from horrible wrestling and instead write about horrible Christmas movies instead.  You can check out the entire collection by clicking here. Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Hook Named Time’s Person Of The Year

1 Submitted by on Mon, 20 December 2021, 08:00
Massapequa, NY – In a stunning reversal, Time Magazine has replaced Elon Musk as their Person Of The Year with AEW wrestler Hook. Last week, controversial Tesla and SpaceX head Elon Musk, was named Time Magazine’s Person Of The Year. Following several days of bad publicity, Time’s editorial board reconvened to consider a replacement. After several seconds of discussion, the Continue Reading...
Read more

Induction: The Mankind-Santa Boiler Room Brawl – Candy Cane Dewey

9 Submitted by on Thu, 16 December 2021, 21:28
WWF, 1999 It’s amazing to ponder the butterfly effect in wrestling. Consider this: There’s a straight line running from Vince Russo thinking up a Stephanie McMahon-Test romance with no end game in 1999… …to Triple H being a lock to take over as WWE Chairman in this, the Year of Our Lord, Two Thousand and Nineteen. [RD – Could you Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: MJF Receives Traditional Long Island Welcome Home

0 Submitted by on Mon, 13 December 2021, 08:00
Long Island, NY – Hated AEW mainstay MJF returned home on this past week’s Dynamite and received a traditional Long Island welcome. The local people greeted MJF as he descended the stairs from his private jet at Long Island MacArthur Airport. MJF was met with open arms and extended middle fingers, as is to be expected by anyone entering Long Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: Brandi Rhodes Goes To ‘Extreme’ Lengths To Remove Cody’s Neck Tattoo

1 Submitted by on Mon, 06 December 2021, 08:00
Atlanta, GA – Former Nightmare Collective leader Brandi Rhodes is resorting to extreme measures to remove the large tattoo on her husband Cody’s neck. The shocking plan was accidentally revealed backstage after Cody and Andrade El Idolo’s fiery Street Fight finish last week. While many saw the fight as unnecessary and a vain attempt at Cody trying to appeal to Continue Reading...
Read more

Induction: Scotty Goldman – He’s Jewish

12 Submitted by on Thu, 02 December 2021, 21:16
WWE, 2008-2009 Colt Cabana is known as a lot of things: indy wrestling veteran, NWA champion, Dark Order member, lawsuit plaintiff. But one thing he’s not typically known as is “WWE Superstar”. And yet, for a span of six months, Cabana graced WWE rings (if only for a minute or so at a time). He wasn’t called Colt Cabana, though. Continue Reading...
Read more

Headlies: The Gobbledy Gooker Revealed As The Golden Egg Thief Mastermind

3 Submitted by on Mon, 29 November 2021, 08:00
Elmont, NY – Legendary wrestling turkey the Gobbledy Gooker was revealed this morning as the ring leader of the great Golden Egg theft of 2021. The extravagant Golden Egg, revealed at Survivor Series, went missing from Vince McMahon’s office during the annual event. A worldwide manhunt proved fruitless, until ska sleuth Sami Zayn uncovered Austin Theory as the culprit. Frustrated Continue Reading...
Read more

INDUCTION: WWF at the 2001 Macy’s Day Parade – Featuring All…Some…Well, Maybe ONE of Your Favorite Superstars!

5 Submitted by on Wed, 24 November 2021, 19:57
WWF, 2001 They’re baaaack! Three years ago, you may recall that I inducted a WWF float that somehow, for some reason, appeared during the 1994 Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. It was like a Nyquil-fueled fever dream, and the sight of Paul Bearer yukking it up with Doink the Clown, having the times of their lives, will forever be etched into Continue Reading...
Read more