Text By Jed Shaffer This week’s RTB comes to us from very constant reader Joseph Violet What if…Randy Savage beat the Ultimate Warrior in their WrestleMania VII retirement match? Our story begins in the closing moments of the retirement match at WrestleMania VII. After failing to put away Savage with his gorilla press/big splash combo, the Warrior has gone outside the Continue Reading...
All The Latest Crap!
What if…The Montreal Screwjob Never Happened?
8 Submitted by Jed Shaffer on Thu, 27 December 2012, 15:36 Text By Jed Shaffer What if…The Montreal Screwjob Never Happened? In 1997, the wrestling industry had reached a point no one ever thought possible: the WWF, the bull-in-the-china-shop that killed the AWA, crippled Jim Crockett, neutered the NWA, and obliterated countless other competitors, was on the losing end of a new war. The Ted Turner-owned WCW, long a limping, galumphing Continue Reading...
What if…CM Punk took the Ring Of Honor World Title to WWE?
2 Submitted by Jed Shaffer on Thu, 27 December 2012, 15:32 Text By Jed Shaffer What if…CM Punk took the Ring Of Honor World Title to WWE? (Author’s note: This story requires you, Loyal Reader, to allow one minor suspension of disbelief with me: a working relationship between WWE and Ring Of Honor. If you can get past that caveat, then we should be fine.) Our story begins on August 13th, Continue Reading...
Text By Jed Shaffer What if…Paul Orndorff Landed First? Part I Our story begins on Saturday Night’s Main Event, in the closing seconds of the main event steel cage WWF Title match between WWF Champion Hulk Hogan and “Mr. Wonderful” Paul Orndorff. Bitterness and jealousy over Hogan’s success led to Orndorff to stab his friend in the back, and with Continue Reading...
What if…Tommy Dreamer took Terry Funk’s place at ECW’s Barely Legal?
0 Submitted by Jed Shaffer on Thu, 27 December 2012, 15:27 Text By Jed Shaffer What if…Tommy Dreamer took Terry Funk’s place at ECW’s Barely Legal? Our story begins at Barely Legal. Three men of divergent backgrounds and ideals have been brought together in one match, all inextricably tied by one common enemy and one common goal: to take the ECW World Championship from Raven. But the degenerate slacker will Continue Reading...
What if…Sting didn’t injure his knee at Clash Of The Champions X?
0 Submitted by Jed Shaffer on Thu, 27 December 2012, 15:25Text By Jed Shaffer What if…Sting didn’t injure his knee at Clash Of The Champions X? Our story begins in February, 1990, on the first episode of Saturday Night following Clash Of The Champions X: Texas Shootout. The Horsemen’s positive energy over victory over Gary Hart’s team is short-lived: Sting is the number-one contender and will face Ric Flair at WrestleWar Continue Reading...
What if…the Finger Poke of Doom Never Happened?
1 Submitted by Jed Shaffer on Thu, 27 December 2012, 15:22Text By Jed Shaffer What if…the Finger Poke of Doom Never Happened? Part I Our story begins on Monday Nitro. Kevin Nash is one week removed from winning the WCW World Title and ending Goldberg’s undefeated streak at Starrcade, thanks to the unexpected (and unwelcome) interference of Scott Hall and a tazer. Goldberg, looking for vengeance, has been arrested on trumped-up Continue Reading...
What if…D-Generation X got into the Norfolk Scope during their attack on WCW Nitro?
7 Submitted by Jed Shaffer on Thu, 27 December 2012, 15:21Text By Jed Shaffer What if…What if D-Generation X got into the Norfolk Scope during their attack on WCW Nitro? Part I (The following Re-Writing The Book is written not as a narrative story, but as an article on a wrestling website, commemorating the tenth anniversary of the D-Generation X invasion of WCW Monday Nitro, and looking back at how the Continue Reading...
What if…Hulk Hogan Accepted Ted DiBiase’s Million Dollar Offer?
0 Submitted by Jed Shaffer on Thu, 27 December 2012, 15:17 Text By Jed Shaffer What if…Hulk Hogan Accepted Ted DiBiase’s Million Dollar Offer? Our story begins as Hulk Hogan is being interviewed about Ted DiBiase’s offer to buy the WWF Championship for a million dollars cash. To the shock of millions, Hogan has deliberated. Now, the deadline has passed, DiBiase is demanding an answer, and Hogan is in front of Continue Reading...
What if…Chris Jericho’s WWF Title victory over Triple H wasn’t overturned?
0 Submitted by Jed Shaffer on Thu, 27 December 2012, 15:13 Text By Jed Shaefer What if…Chris Jericho’s WWF Title victory over Triple H wasn’t overturned? Part I Our story begins moments after Chris Jericho has shocked Triple H, and the world, by pinning him for the WWF Championship on Raw, thanks to a dubious three-count from the replacement referee, Earl Hebner. The decision doesn’t sit well with Triple H, who Continue Reading...
What if…Rikishi Wasn’t the Guy Who Ran Over Stone Cold Steve Austin at Survivor Series 1999?
0 Submitted by Jed Shaffer on Thu, 27 December 2012, 15:11Text By Jed Shaffer What if…Rikishi Wasn’t the Guy Who Ran Over Stone Cold Steve Austin at Survivor Series 1999? Part I Our story begins on the October 9th, 2000 edition of Raw. Since coming back weeks before, Steve Austin has turned the WWF upside down in his quest for vengeance against the man who ran him down a year prior. Continue Reading...
Kimberly Page Head Text by Blade Braxton You know, Ebay is a wondrous invention. Why, where else can you find pieces of toast with the Virgin Mary’s face on them that go for thousands of dollars, or shell out almost $100 for five minute phone calls with either Ron Simmons or Buff Bagwell? Definitely some weird stuff out there, and yours Continue Reading...
Red Rooster T-Shirt Fellow Crapper Liu writes: “While words can do no justice to the craptitude of that shirt, there are plenty of words to describe the weirdo who paid $405 for it! One would think that Terry Taylor would had hunted down and burned every last one of those in existence by now.” RD: Yeah, that one’s bad, but this Continue Reading...
King Haku…Now WITH Crown as Illustrated!!
0 Submitted by RD Reynolds on Thu, 27 December 2012, 14:28King Haku – FINALLY – WITH CROWN!!!!!!! Thanks to countless Crappers who mailed this one in – the new Haku figure does, indeed, COME WITH CROWN AS ILLUSTRATED! Let us all burn our old Apter mags that have mocked us for years. LONG LIVE THE KING!...
Gagne Raiders Action Figures With God as my witness, I am not making this up. Apparently, the fine folks at Remco thought it would be a fine and dandy idea to not only release a Greg Gagne wrestling figure, but also a set with he and Curt Hennig in camo as GAGNE’S RAIDERS. Yes, this REALLY HAPPENED. Here’s the proof: Continue Reading...
Custom Made Wrestler Bowling Pins From loyal crapper Dax Norman: “Hey man. love the site. So much, in fact, I decided to make my own wrestlecrap. I hope you enjoy.” RD: But where’s the Dusty Rhodes bowling ball? ...
Dollar Store WWE Havoc Unleashed Wrestling Ring (AKA Naked Dave Batista Wrapping Paper) Text By Blade Braxton Two for the price of one here on Wrestlecrap this week, as I encountered one hideous item at a local discount store (Big Lots) this week. We all know Ashley’s Playboy issue is soon to be on sale, as she follows in the footsteps Continue Reading...
Christmas Present from C. Thomas Howell Blade Braxton: As mentioned on the radio show, I received a X-Mas gift from C.Thomas Howell. For those who do not remember, he was the star of the horrid 80’s movie, Soul Man, in which he plays a white guy who pretends to be black in order to receive a scholarship into Harvard. For Continue Reading...
Someone Bought This: Katie Vick’s Cheerleader Outfit
2 Submitted by RD Reynolds on Thu, 27 December 2012, 13:46Katie Vick’s Cheerleader Outfit A little less than a month ago it was brought to my attention that the actual, real live (well, as live as cotton can be) outfit that none other than Katie Vick wore on WWE television was going to be auctioned off on WWE.com. I got a ton of emails about it, and I laughed whole Continue Reading...
WRESTLECRAP 2012 GIFT GUIDE! Text by “The Big Cheese” Paul Kraft & RD Reynolds – Submit Your Requests Here! Perhaps like many of us, the mad dash to the Christmas finish line has you, as a parent of a WWE loving child, completely stressed out, unsure of what to purchase. NO PROBLEM! At WrestleCrap, we got ya covered with our handy dandy Christmas gift guide! Continue Reading...
He’s come to drink egg nog and make a spectacle of the holidays as usual…and he’s all out of egg nog. Here’s a very creepy Rowdy Roddy Piper belting out “The 12 Days Of Christmas,” easily his best diddy since “I’m Your Man.” Happy holidays!!!...
Headlies: VINCE MCMAHON ENCOURAGING TALENTS TO CHRISTMAS CAROL VIA TOUT / CHRISTIAN OFFENDED BY HOILDAY SIGN AT TARGET
1 Submitted by Justin Henry on Thu, 27 December 2012, 13:20Text by Justin Henry; Photoshoppery by RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here VINCE MCMAHON ENCOURAGING TALENTS TO CHRISTMAS CAROL VIA TOUT By Justin Henry Stamford, CT – WWE’s investment in the social media microblogging service Tout has been widely panned by viewers of the company’s television product, due to perceived abuse of its product placement. Now, the infatuation with Tout has Continue Reading...
Headlies: NICK FURY ROLLS EYE AT WWE’S VERSION OF SHIELD
0 Submitted by RD Reynolds on Thu, 27 December 2012, 13:18Text by Justin Henry; Photoshoppery by RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here NICK FURY ROLLS EYE AT WWE’S VERSION OF SHIELD By RD Reynolds Lafayette, LA – The crowd at tonight’s WWE Raw taping had a most unexpected visitor: Director of SHIELD, Nick Fury. Best known to the world as the man who was the brains behind the formation of the superhero group Continue Reading...
Headlies: FIGHTER HAYABUSA, WCW MASTER MIFFED OVER DELETED SCENES FROM WRECK-IT RALPH
0 Submitted by Justin Henry on Thu, 27 December 2012, 13:17Text by Justin Henry; Photoshoppery by RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here FIGHTER HAYABUSA, WCW MASTER MIFFED OVER DELETED SCENES FROM WRECK-IT RALPH By Justin Henry Burbank, CA – Disney’s latest animated offering, Wreck-It Ralph, is the story of a video game villain who dreams of finally becoming a hero. Several video game heroes and villains make appearances in a movie Continue Reading...
Headlies: RYBACK TO DISPEL GOLDBERG COMPARISONS BY EATING PORK, BURNING BILLY JOEL CD COLLECTION
1 Submitted by Justin Henry on Thu, 27 December 2012, 13:16Text by Justin Henry; Photoshoppery by RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here RYBACK TO DISPEL GOLDBERG COMPARISONS BY EATING PORK, BURNING BILLY JOEL CD COLLECTION By Justin Henry Las Vegas – Despite the proliferation of “FEED. ME. MORE” chants echoing through WWE venues, there are still those who mock rising WWE superstar Ryback with “GOLD-BERG” chants, in light of his physical Continue Reading...
Headlies: VINCE MCMAHON TO BEGIN BREAKING INTO HOMES, FORCE EVERYONE TO PUT ON RAW
0 Submitted by Justin Henry on Thu, 27 December 2012, 13:15Text by Justin Henry; Photoshoppery by RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here VINCE MCMAHON TO BEGIN BREAKING INTO HOMES, FORCE EVERYONE TO PUT ON RAW By Justin Henry Stamford, CT – After the October 1 edition of Monday Night Raw scored an abysmal 2.5 rating, especially compared to Monday Night Football’s 6.8, things have gotten tense at Titan Tower. WWE CEO Continue Reading...
Headlies: DANNY DAVIS, DAVE HEBNER DISAGREE ON TOUCHDOWN IN PACKERS-SEAHAWKS GAME
0 Submitted by RD Reynolds on Thu, 27 December 2012, 13:14Text by Justin Henry; Photoshoppery by RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here DANNY DAVIS, DAVE HEBNER DISAGREE ON TOUCHDOWN IN PACKERS-SEAHAWKS GAME By RD Reynolds Seattle, WA – The Seahawks defeated the Packers on Monday Night Football, 14-12, but the game will be remembered for its controversial ending in which replacement referee Danny Davis awarded a touchdown on a last-ditch pass Continue Reading...
Headlies: SHEAMUS, ALBERTO DEL RIO WILL END 31-YEAR FEUD THIS SUNDAY
0 Submitted by Justin Henry on Thu, 27 December 2012, 13:13Text by Justin Henry; Photoshoppery by RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here SHEAMUS, ALBERTO DEL RIO WILL END 31-YEAR FEUD THIS SUNDAY By RD Reynolds Boston – After beginning their World Heavyweight Championship feud in the fall of 1981, champion Sheamus and forever-challenger Alberto Del Rio will settle the score at Night of Champions this Sunday in Beantown. Although WWE customarily Continue Reading...
Headlies: MAN WHO “ALMOST NEVER” WATCHES WWE OVERJOYED FOOTBALL SEASON IS STARTING
1 Submitted by RD Reynolds on Thu, 27 December 2012, 13:11Text by Justin Henry; Photoshoppery by RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here MAN WHO “ALMOST NEVER” WATCHES WWE OVERJOYED FOOTBALL SEASON IS STARTING By RD Reynolds Knoxville, TN – The end of summer has long been viewed by WWE with considerable sadness, as the return of the NFL and the long-standing Monday Night Football inevitably takes a bite out of Raw’s Continue Reading...
Headlies: NEXT WWE TAG TEAM TO EXPERIENCE UNNECESSARY SPLIT WILL BE DETERMINED BY RANDOM DRAW
0 Submitted by Justin Henry on Thu, 27 December 2012, 13:10Text by Justin Henry; Photoshoppery by RD Reynolds Follow Justin on Facebook here and on Twitter here NEXT WWE TAG TEAM TO EXPERIENCE UNNECESSARY SPLIT WILL BE DETERMINED BY RANDOM DRAW By Justin Henry Stamford, CT – With four tag teams receiving regular gasps of air time in World Wrestling Entertainment these days (Kofi Kingston/R-Truth, The Prime Time Players, Epico and Primo, and The Usos), many Continue Reading...