With RD paying a long overdue tribute to Matilda this week, I figured what a more appropriate time to pay respect to one of my favorite WWF animals of all-time as well. Now, some of you out there may argue that he isn’t a true Jobber Of The Week candidate, and that may be a valid point. However, despite making only one appearance his entire career, he forever redefined the way we use the term, “squash match.” Ladies and gentlemen, without any further ado, this week’s special “Animal Kingdom” Jobber of the Week…..Waylon Mercy’s Worm.
Our friendly little unnamed inchworm…ah, what the hell, let’s go ahead and give the poor worm a proper name. Howsabout…Johnny One Inch. Anyways, hatching out of an egg in some unknown stretch of the wild in rural Connecticut, “Johnny” entered this world in May of 1995. Along with the other 100+ eggs his mother laid that spring that hatched, not much was expected from young Johnny. Just the usual, time honored inchworm tradition of feeding on foilage, ruining crops, pissing off farmers and florists, and just being an overall nuisance until it was time to go cocooning in early July.
Bored with the prospect of a typical insect life, the young rebellious worm soon set off to carve his own destiny. After a few weeks of crawling around nature and countless hours of soul-searching, Johnny finally saw the light. Literally.
In June of 1995, he stumbled upon the spotlight from the WWF television cameras, filming a vignette for their newest wrestler, Waylon Mercy. Perhaps mesmerized by Mercy’s bright Hawaiian shirt, or puzzled by a strange stench later identified as Vince Russo, Johnny crawled in for a closer inspection. He did not go unnoticed. Waylon spotted the young insect, and immediately an idea popped into his head. Jake “the Snake” Roberts made a career by having a crawling sidekick. Perhaps a worm would be just the ticket to help the former Dan Spivey finally acheive main event status.
Waylon scooped him up and onto his arm, and into the world of pro wrestling. For a moment, life was grand. Sitting at home and watching this new duo on telvision, it immediately felt like they were right up there with all those classic, life-long partners of the past. Randy and Liz. Animal and Hawk. Ding Dong #1 and Ding Dong #2. Talk about on-screen chemistry, Waylon and Johnny definitely had it. Sure Mr. Mercy had all the makings of a future, classic anti-hero, but I was also impressed with this slimy newcomer. Surely Vince McMahon was thinking the same. No doubt that he had already started drooling about all the dollars signs from future sales of official WWF Johnny One Inch merchandise. I myself was already lining up to get my hands on an authentic action figure.
Sadly, our little buddy made one fatal mistake. While he knew all there was about crawling and pupating in the dirt, there was one kind of dirt that he was unfamilar with. One that could have saved his life. A “dirt sheet.” If only Johnny would’ve been paying attention to the rapidly growing mid-90’s internet wrestling community, he could have suspected what was coming. Sure enough, and in what was to become his m.o., Waylon suckered Johnny and all of us in by thiking he was friendly, and that he really loved nature and insects. However, Mercy suddenly snapped and said that just like he didn’t like wrestlers crawling on him, he didn’t like insects crawling on him either. Uh oh…look out!!!
Poor Johnny. He never saw it coming. There was no hamburger filled pantyhose to act as his stunt double. No kindhearted John Tenta around to ensure his safety. He crossed paths with Waylon Mercy, one of the most evil, maniacal heels ever.
But shed no tears for Johnny One Inch. Even though he passed on to the great wrestling ring in the sky, he accomplished what so many hardworking wrestlers strive their whole life for and never achieve. An appearance on WWF TV. Score one for the insect race!!
Believe it or not, it was not Waylon Mercy’s last encounter with a worm. In what can only be seen as some bizarre irony, Waylon’s first opponent he faced on his USA Network debut would be a young jobber named Scotty Taylor. A Scotty Taylor who would go onto later fame as……The Worm.
Damnit…who died and left Rod Serling in charge of WWF booking?!?!
With all that rampant abuse of insects on national tv, Waylon should thank his lucky stars he never got his ass sued big-time by PETA.
You know what I mean?