The Galaxians

As one of the wealthiest women in the world, Mama Cornette was always certain to give Little Jimmy whatever object his heart desired. Fancy Jimmy Connors-endorsed tennis rackets and the finest cars DeLorian had to offer were probably all among the gifts that the spoiled “Louisville Slugger” received from his loving mother in the 1980’s. Being the 80’s, and temporarily infatuated with the movie E.T., the young, rookie manager decided he wanted some outer-space men of his own to pal around with. Mama Cornette responded by beaming down this week’s Jobbers Of The Week – the otherworldly Galaxians.

The Jim Cornette-led Galaxians first began their invasion of Earth’s pro wrestling scene in Memphis in late 1983. Known individually as Alpha and Beta, and billed as being from the outer galaxy, it appears their ugly orange and maroon costumes were designed by someone who had their head up their inner ass. Intergalactic fashion disasters aside, they did achieve some moderate notoriety with their young mouthpiece Cornette in tow. But winning ways were not in Alpha and Beta’s horoscopes, and soon Cornette would dump them to manage the Midnight Express, and their careers came crashing down reminiscent of a Galaxian spaceship from the videogame they stole their ring names from.

Sadly, the Galaxians didn’t also steal their theme music from this fine machine

After disappearing for a few years, the Galaxians put down their Earthling anal-probing equipment, and decided to step up to the big time – WCW. However, they soon found out it was a big world there. The smaller sized wrestlers they had success with in Memphis were nowhere to be found. In their place, were huge monsters like the Road Warriors and the Skyscrapers. Against these big men, the Marvin the Martian pint-sized Galaxians stood no chance. They may have been named after the menacing Galaxian videogame robot-ships, but in reality they possessed all the power of a Ms. Pac-Man who had run out of power dots.

Alpha and Beta got their tails kicked around WCW for the bulk of 1989 – 90, until they decided to give up their alien takeover of the wrestling world. The two veteran grapplers behind the masks, Ken Wayne and Danny (not the referee) Davis, who had previously won championships together known as the Nightmares, locked the outfits up as tight as the aliens at Area 51 in Roswell, and continued on with their wrestling careers.

The unsuccessful saga of the Galaxians. Proving once and for all that men are from Mars, women are from Venus….and jobbers are from Uranus.

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