Attack Of The Clones

In honor of the the final film in the Star Wars legacy being released this week, we’re gonna have our own Lucas-style cloning fun here at the ‘Crap. No, no, we’re not here to honor the bounty hunter Jango Fett and his numerous clones from Episode II and III. I’m too much of a diehard Bossk mark to pay tribute to any bounty hunter other than the scaly Wookie-hunter, anyways. Instead, we’re gonna enter the squared circle and take a look at some enhancement talent that bore more than a striking resemblance to a few, shall I say, more successful wrestlers.

We begin our journey in the land of lookalikes with this guy…

Who’s that? Is that Who? No, that’s not Who, but it sure does look like Jim “the Anvil” Neidhart though. World, say hello to Fred Avery. A long time veteran from the Georgia area, Avery spent many years putting people over in WCW during the late 80’s and early 90’s. With his imitation Hart Foundation tights on, Fred is sure to be a hit at any party where there’s a reenactment of the Montreal Screwjob going on. Believe it or not, Fred’s wacky version of the “Pink & Black Attack” is not his only footprint here at Wrestlecrap. Seems that he is the man responsible for breaking Glacier into the sport. Fred, I sincerely apologize in advance for the hatemail you’ll soon be receiving because of me releasing these details.

I know, I know, a chunky imitation of Jim Neidhart is fine and dandy and all, but what I’m I gonna do for an encore, unleash a black Road Warrior wannabe? Uh….now that you mention it.

Here’s “Big” Bill Tabb. He liked Animal and Hawk so much, he went out and bought the same style tights w/ red lettering on the side, as well as some rough looking leather wrestling boots. Heck, he even trimmed a little L.O.D.-style mohawk in his afro. The only thing missing was the paint, but I’m sure the Roadies would’ve put a stop to that. Bill Tabb was a HUGE mountain of a man, often tossing around his smaller, higher profile opposition around during a match. But not even his size allowed him to make even one stop at the “pay winda” in his entire time in the NWA. He found a little more success in the AWA in 1986, where he pulled off a victory over the hated Col.DeBeers in one of the most controversial matches ever. The racist South African DeBeers refused to wrestle Tabb because he was black, so he left the ring, giving the big guy a rare count-out victory. Tabb finally completed the LOD transformation when he donned the face paint and became known as the Bl ack Assassin in the Florida territory. Later on in life he “officially” became a Road Warrior. Well, sort of. Tabb now drives trucks for a living.

Now take a look at those guns, brother. You can only get those by the old standard of training, saying your prayers, and eating your vitamins. Or in the case of the infamous Randy Hogan, you can get that physique by… well… actually by doing nothing but drinking beer and eating pretzels. Mr.Hogan was one of those blink and you miss ’em impostors, as he showed up for a few months in the winter of 88/89 in the NWA. He never won a match, and his legacy is far different from the “Real American,” one Mr.Terry Bollea, but for anyone who ever saw Randy give it his all in a losing effort, he’ll be forever remembered as the “Really Average American.”

And last but not least, no story on wrestling clones would be complete without mentioning the undisputed king of copycats himself, Gillberg. After a decade of anonymous jobbing, in the late 90’s Dwayne Gill was handed the opportunity to be the WWF’s parody version of then-WCW king, Goldberg. Gill took the ball and what initially appeared to be a funny onetime joke, ended up scoring a touchdown for the longtime veteran. As the 198 pounds of rage known as Gillberg, he quickly upset Christian for the WWF Light Heavyweight Title, as kept for a record 15 month title reign. More hijinks ensued as he became a member of Al Snow’s Job Squad. And as a lasting memory to the Gillberg legacy, even when Goldberg finally made his way to the WWE in 2003 and the two met up in the middle of the ring, Gillberg escaped relatively unharmed and avoided the squash that everyone had imagined if the two ever met up.

They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. In the case of these enhancement talent clones, imitation was the sincerest way of getting your form flattened!!

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