Xanta Klaus

Xanta Klaus

‘Twas the night before Christmas, so leave it to Vince

To come up with crap that made everyone wince

In Your House had been scripted with the greatest of care

With knowledge an evil Santa soon would be there

Yes, folks, the WWF decided one snowy December that the best way to ring in the holiday season was with the help of an evil Santa Claus. This has long been one of the most requested entries here at WrestleCrap, and we are pleased to bring it to you for the holiday season!

Like many of wrestling’s worst ideas, it started out innocently enough. Ted DiBiase came to the ring, bad mouthing Christmas, and telling the world that there is no such thing as Santa Claus.

Perennial midcarder Savio Vega came out to put a stop to DiBiase’s shenanigans, and that’s where things started going south…

…as Savio claimed that Santa WAS real! And he wasn’t going to put up with DiBiase saying that the jolly old fat man (referring to Santa, not Dusty Rhodes) was a fraud.

Sure enough, out comes Santa Claus to back up Savio’s story.

Except…Santa didn’t help Savio. In fact, he brutally attacked him, as Vince McMahon (who apparently also believed in Santa!) shrieked in disbelief!

DiBiase went on Raw the next night to explain the actions of his evil St. Nick in one of the lamest, most idiotic storylines ever created. (Apologies for the bad audio.)

DiBiase told us that Xanta was from the SOUTH pole, not the North pole. And he didn’t give presents, he stole them! He was, in fact, Santa’s evil brother (or cousin or nephew twice removed or something).

When Xanta (who was, btw, ECW’s Balls Mahoney) made his in-ring debut, his outfit had been altered slightly to reflect his evil ways. It was black and red instead of the standard red and white. He had a black beard. He shouted HO HO HO in the most vicious of fashions.

And, naturally, he was really mean…as any evil brother of Santa would be, I suppose.

Of course, this lasted all of one or two televised matches, before someone looked at a calendar and discovered that Christmas only comes once a year, so it really made no sense to have a gimmick that only had a chance of getting over once every twelve months.

Or maybe someone realized it was just plain dumb, and wouldn’t have gotten over if it had 365 days to do it!

And as we wrap up, on this cold winter night

Merry Christmas to all, from your favorite website!

Vince McMahon (near tears): “I can’t believe what we’re seeing! That can’t be the real Santa!”

Jerry Lawler (giddy): “Yes! Yes!”

Ted DiBiase (with patented evil laugh): “See, everybody’s got a price for the Million Dollar Man! Even Santa Claus himself!”

McMahon (crying like a baby that needs a diaper change): “NO!! SAY IT’S NOT SO!!!”

Ted DiBiase: “You see, his name is not Santa, it’s Xanta Klaus.”

McMahon: “WHAT?!”

DiBiase (trying really hard to make this sound believable – and failing): “And he is from the South pole, not the North pole like that jolly fellow that goes around giving away gifts to all the boys around the world. You see, unlike Santa Claus, Xanta Klaus is much like the Million Dollar Man – he takes everything he can get his hands on!”

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